You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

"... We absolutely insist on enjoying life" (p. 132, Alcoholics Anonymous). Here's the forum for fun and frivolity. Enjoy!

You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

Postby JohnElkRiver » Fri Dec 21, 2012 4:48 pm

Thinking back on my life as an alcoholic, I thought it might be fun to make a top ten list. Got any others?

You "Might" be an alcoholic if?

1. You can’t drive your motorcycle because you might break the glass bottles in the saddlebags.
2. Your golf bag clinks.
3. The word Oblivion sounds wonderful.
4. Your dream vacation is a locked hotel room, a bottle and the TV.
5. Your 3 carry on liquids are airplane bottles of liquor.
6. You ask for the hotel room nearest the ice machine.
7. You use Wine Coolers for mixer.
8. You have to rotate your liquor stores.
9. You’d rather have zero drinks than one drink.
10. You leave the party early so you can drink “properly” at home.
JohnElkRiver
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 40
Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2012 8:18 pm

Re: You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

Postby Texan » Fri Dec 21, 2012 5:24 pm

When I traveled, I often asked for a room near the ice machine. Then, in true alcoholic form and not really wanting the front desk people to think ill of me, I started asking for rooms near the elevator because I knew the ice machine was close to the elevator.

Let's see....other things I did was to keep a sleeve of 20 oz. styrofoam cups in the back of the car 'cause those little glasses they have in the hotel rooms were just about like shot glasses to me. Then I had one bag I referred to as my portable bar. In it I kept a 1/2 gallon of my chosen spirit and a bottle of water. Then the hotels I stayed at started to provide a couple of bottles of water free in the room, which was good 'cause I would have room enough for the second 1/2 gallon if the first was running low. Then lastly, I would choose hotels that either had a bar in the lobby, but if there wasn't, there would be a restaurant or a bar next door to the hotel. My warped thinking was that it would be better for me to crawl back to the hotel instead of driving. I don't think I ever literally crawled, but I sure weaved my way back more times than I would like to remember.
Keep on Keeping on, One Day at a Time.
User avatar
Texan
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 564
Joined: Sat Mar 17, 2012 12:24 pm
Location: Where Else? Texas!

Re: You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

Postby Marc L » Fri Dec 21, 2012 6:39 pm

I have a theory about number ten.
Drive then Drink rather than Drink then Drive.
It was much safer and I could drink way more. :D

Marc
Recovery won't just happen by Osmosis. You gonna' have to work at it some.
12th Step work ain't just a job... It's an Adventure.
User avatar
Marc L
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 1603
Joined: Sat May 03, 2008 8:04 pm
Location: South Florida. U.S.A.

Re: You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

Postby johnd » Fri Dec 21, 2012 6:39 pm

If an event was BYOB (Bring your own booze) or there was plenty provided. Or if the event had no alcohol I wouldn't go no matter how important it was for me to attend. Sneaking booze into the movie theatre an add to the super size coke. When you are the only person at a friend's house with more booze than they have. After that same event you find yourself looking for a bar or store to get more. Just a few that apply to me John D.
Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans- Anonymous
User avatar
johnd
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 814
Joined: Wed Nov 09, 2011 2:50 pm
Location: Massachusetts

Re: You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

Postby JohnElkRiver » Fri Dec 21, 2012 7:36 pm

I love it, this is fun. Midway in my drinking I too searched out the hotels with a bar or restaurant. Later as my alcoholism progressed I ceased interest in being out with people. I started looking for hotels with a fridge in the room, or sometimes i'd order a 2nd fridge so I could fill it with beer and use the other one for food.

I like the one about showing up at a party and having more booze with you than the host has in the house. I could see that.

Its funny what seems ridiculous now was so normal back then.

Another thing I remember. Normal people get hangovers in the morning. I would feel great but around 11:00am bamn worse headache and runs and nausea ever. Sadly I accepted this as normal. I suppose I was just still drunk first thing so the hangover came later.
JohnElkRiver
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 40
Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2012 8:18 pm

Re: You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

Postby Texan » Fri Dec 21, 2012 10:19 pm

I drank scotch. Didn't mix it with anything except ice and maybe a splash of water on the first big gulp. I was told that alcohol didn't cause the headaches, rather the sugary stuff most mixed with it did. Swore off bourbon after a Jack and Coke night coupled with nearly a full pack of Marlboro's. My head hurt and my mouth tasted like an ash tray the next morning. I gave up smoking that day, but switched to scotch that night.

Too bad I couldn't have stopped drinking that easily. I agree that it is simply pitiful what I used to think "normal" was.
Keep on Keeping on, One Day at a Time.
User avatar
Texan
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 564
Joined: Sat Mar 17, 2012 12:24 pm
Location: Where Else? Texas!

Re: You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

Postby Tosh » Sat Dec 22, 2012 2:30 am

JohnElkRiver wrote:You "Might" be an alcoholic if?


You keep on waking up with a map of Africa on the crotch of your jeans.

(Sorry).
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
User avatar
Tosh
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 3639
Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 10:43 am

Re: You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

Postby Tommy-S » Sat Dec 22, 2012 12:55 pm

Your aftershave was applied from the inside out

Sterno wasn't just for cooking anymore

Your only mixed drink was 'Sick Bay" Screwdrivers
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!
User avatar
Tommy-S
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 2296
Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2012 3:11 pm
Location: Norfolk, VA

Re: You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

Postby Marc L » Sat Dec 22, 2012 1:31 pm

Tosh wrote:
JohnElkRiver wrote:You "Might" be an alcoholic if?


You keep on waking up with a map of Africa on the crotch of your jeans.

(Sorry).


That was disgusting.
Do you have any more of those? :lol:

Marc
Recovery won't just happen by Osmosis. You gonna' have to work at it some.
12th Step work ain't just a job... It's an Adventure.
User avatar
Marc L
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 1603
Joined: Sat May 03, 2008 8:04 pm
Location: South Florida. U.S.A.

Re: You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

Postby Lali » Sat Dec 22, 2012 4:53 pm

When you pass out at night, you're already looking forward to your first drink of the morning.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
Lali
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 4869
Joined: Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:13 am

Re: You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

Postby Tosh » Sat Dec 22, 2012 5:33 pm

When you wake up, look at your watch and it says eight o' clock, but you're unsure if it's eight-in-the-morning, or eight-in-the-evening.

Or

When you wake up and think it's Saturday, only to discover that it's Sunday - you feel like death - and you've got work the next day. :(
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
User avatar
Tosh
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 3639
Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 10:43 am

Re: You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

Postby Lali » Sat Dec 22, 2012 5:38 pm

Tosh wrote:When you wake up, look at your watch and it says eight o' clock, but you're unsure if it's eight-in-the-morning, or eight-in-the-evening. :(


And what's worse is you dare not ask anyone.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
Lali
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 4869
Joined: Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:13 am

Re: You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

Postby Tosh » Sat Dec 22, 2012 5:54 pm

When you wake up and you're in a different country to the one you started drinking in (this happened to me twice while serving in Germany).

When you mistake wardrobes for toilets.

When you dream you're going to the toilet, and you actually are, only you're in bed and not in the toilet.

When your mattress has more rings on it than the stump of a 300 year old oak tree.

(I had a few problems with sleeping and toilets! :oops: )
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
User avatar
Tosh
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 3639
Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 10:43 am

Re: You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

Postby Jaywalker Steve » Sat Dec 22, 2012 5:57 pm

You develop this uncanny ability for losing perfectly good clothes. :oops:

The map of Africa is killing me. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Every group has men and women who put too much thought and effort into their daily sobriety and not enough of themselves into their daily living. - Ed B., Akron, OH
Jaywalker Steve
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 680
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2011 5:36 pm

Re: You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

Postby Tosh » Sat Dec 22, 2012 6:00 pm

Jaywalker Steve wrote:You develop this uncanny ability for losing perfectly good clothes. :oops:


And teeth.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
User avatar
Tosh
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 3639
Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 10:43 am

Next

Return to But We Aren't a Glum Lot ...

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests