Grapevine Weekly Reading 10/03/16

Current topics and news from The Grapevine.

Grapevine Weekly Reading 10/03/16

Postby Thumper » Mon Oct 03, 2016 9:07 am

As a Grapevine Online Subscriber, you can get these stories too! Please enter this month’s gift subscription contest by filling out the entry form http://www.e-aa.org/form_gv.php

Regards,
Dale B.
E-AA Grapevine Representative

This week’s story:

Chasing The Monsters Away
Drunkenly putting his son to bed, he passed on three generations of alcoholism in a single breath—until AA helped him break the cycle.


At last, I had made it. I could finally bask in the warm glow I had anticipated the whole day—my first drink. As I sat on my bed to watch a movie and down my first glass of wine, I listened for the sound of my one-year-old boy. I had just put him to bed and thought fleetingly of his recent difficulty falling asleep. But the only sound I heard was the gulping of that first glass down the hatch.

It had been a long day. My son and I had driven to Richmond to visit my mom. She and I still weren’t getting along, but the thought of spending a day by myself (my son notwithstanding) filled me with dread. Feelings of loneliness had plagued me ever since my wife left three months earlier. Up till the night she left me, I had been “sober” for three years. But I didn’t have a program, and without my “solution” to help me function, I was absolutely miserable and difficult to live with. In hindsight, I can’t blame my ex-wife for leaving me, but as I sat back and felt the warm rush of wine, I could only remember how it had hurt.

I flipped open my laptop and pulled up a movie. As I felt the soft glow of intoxication overtake my body, I heard it. Loud and clear as day, my son was in his room, crying. My first thought was, “Oh no, I’m drunk!” I quickly assessed the situation. Would I be able to walk into his room? Would I be steady on my feet? Would I be able to lay him back in his bed? Check, check, check. I imagined that these were the thoughts that went through my mother’s mind when I was too young to remember. Also a divorced single parent, my mother had struggled with alcoholism her entire adult life. I imagined a time before I could remember when I would lay in bed and cry while my mom drank and tried to ignore my calls. The parallels were striking.

The cries from my son’s room grew louder. Obviously, he wasn’t going to fade away. I readied myself. Not too bad. At least I could walk straight. I made my way out of the room and down the hall to my son’s room. I opened the door and flipped on the lights. There he was, standing in his crib, screaming his head off. I clumsily lumbered to the crib and picked him up. I held my boy in my arms and tried to sooth him. I reassured him that I was there, that everything was okay, and that I loved him. I wondered if he could smell it. The scent of alcohol on my parents’ breath pervaded my childhood. I associated the smell with both my mother and my father. In fact, it was one of the strongest memories I had of my dad. And now, standing in my son’s room, holding the greatest blessing that God had given me, I was passing down the family curse. Like my mother and my father before me, and like their parents before them, I was letting my son smell the scent of alcohol on my breath. To my horror, I was doing to my son what my parents had done to me.

This wasn’t my bottom, but it’s a memory that stands out. Not too long after this drunken bedtime, I really hit the skids. The stinging recognition of my loneliness and powerlessness turned my head upward and brought me through the doors of my first AA meeting.

Today, I am sitting on my bed now, typing this story for the Grapevine while my son, now three, quietly sleeps in his room. In just two years, with the help of fellow alcoholics and the Twelve Steps, I have built a life that I can be proud of. I have made new friends, found a new job, and assumed a new direction. Today, I have a sponsor and a home group. In fact, I recently became my home group’s GSR. Finally, today I am able to be a wonderful father to my little boy. I take him to meetings all the time, and he patiently plays with my phone as I listen to fellow alcoholics and share myself. I no longer feel the compulsion to drink after I put my son to bed. Now I can do bedtime secure in the fact that if my son calls for me in the night, I’ll be there to chase the monsters away.

Michael L., Charlottesville, Va.

http://www.aagrapevine.org
Copyright, AA Grapevine, Inc., 475 Riverside Drive, New York, NY 10115
Reprinted with Permission
Thumper
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 83
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 8:40 am

Re: Grapevine Weekly Reading 10/03/16

Postby PuppyEars » Mon Oct 03, 2016 9:15 am

It's hard for water to well up in these eyes but this one was close to home.

Got me.
1488
User avatar
PuppyEars
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 308
Joined: Mon Jun 27, 2016 4:39 pm

Re: Grapevine Weekly Reading 10/03/16

Postby PaigeB » Mon Oct 03, 2016 11:20 am

with the help of fellow alcoholics and the Twelve Steps, I have built a life that I can be proud of. I have made new friends, found a new job, and assumed a new direction. Today, I have a sponsor and a home group. In fact, I recently became my home group’s GSR. Finally, today I am able to be a wonderful father to my little boy. I take him to meetings all the time,

The three sides of the triangle:
Unity = with the help of fellow alcoholics... a home group
Service = became my home group’s GSR
Recovery = the Twelve Steps... I have a sponsor... a new direction

That is the kind of program I WANT!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 10393
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Grapevine Weekly Reading 10/03/16

Postby ezdzit247 » Mon Oct 03, 2016 1:15 pm

Great share. I too am an ACA and this member's story hits home for me. I first started trying to get sober when my son was 8 and finally got sober when he was 10. Thanks to God, the AA program as well as all of my crazy wonderful AA friends who gave me their love and support while I trudged the Road of Happy Destiny, I was able to finally become the kind of person and mother I always wanted to be, one day a time. Thanks, AA!
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
User avatar
ezdzit247
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 2077
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 4:38 pm
Location: California


Return to The Grapevine Magazine

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest