I Am An Alcoholic

For the younger AA generation, some experience, strength and hope.

I Am An Alcoholic

Postby Nicole » Sun Jun 19, 2011 5:38 pm

Hi, My names Nicole and I'm an Alcoholic.

I am 21 years old, and have been living in active addiction for 7 years. I've just reached 96 days of sobriety, fresh out of a treatment center, and am experiancing anxiety I have never before experianced.

Panic attacks, bouts of depression and this "stinkin thinkin" are aparently normal for addicts in early recovery. Sometimes I scream when I see my shadow, I've adopted several irrational fears, and have experianced irregular sleeping patterns.

I'm not looking for answers to cope with these things, I just keep coming back and feel great at meetings!! I like to share feelings and experiances of what its like to be in early recovery as well as listen and hear about your experiances too.
It's comforting to know I am not alone in experiancing what sometimes feels ubearable. Truth is, we survive.

I heard something in the rooms that has stuck, as its rang so true. My worst day sober is by far much better then my best day drunk. Today I may scream when I see my shadow, but I'm not waking up with a drinking ticket, to a shatterd relationship, or to an empty bank account, and that is awesome.

I see the miracle of the program through the members of AA, and it is so wonderful to have many share strength and hope.

What's early recovery like for you?
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Re: I Am An Alcoholic

Postby avaneesh912 » Sun Jun 19, 2011 6:16 pm

i was emotionally instable the first few months until i actually started working the 12 steps and then slowly I started feeling some peace. Simply going to meetings did not work for this alcoholic.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: I Am An Alcoholic

Postby TheresaR » Sun Jun 19, 2011 7:26 pm

Hi Nicole

Thanks for the post and am glad you are here. I got sober pretty young - at 24 (but actually was coming in and out of aa much younger)

Early sobriety was pretty intense. It was all new. In a lot of ways exciting - each new day sober was a pretty big accomplishment, the meetings, the head clearing up, getting to know people in the fellowship this whole new way of life thing because up till that, finding that I had willingness to believe and to do what was suggested.

It was also very difficult because drinking was how I knew to live. It is what I did I and did not know how to live sober..Without drinking it I could feel pretty lost, unstable, scarred, lonely, very angry etc...the craving did not go away quickly for me and a lot of times I was holding onto my rear just reminding myself don't drink no matter what because I wanted to a lot. I had to stay busy with meetings, being around sober people, reading the lit. being of service however I could..really just burying myself in AA and taking it a day at a time. I would keep telling myself I am not drinking today but probably tomorrow! lol

Eventually though it settled down emotionally and the the desire to drink went away and I learned how to live a meaningful sober life. And I am grateful, I feel blessed that I got the gift of sobriety. It is precious. :-)
Let go and Let God
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Re: I Am An Alcoholic

Postby BB Kate » Tue Oct 04, 2011 5:36 pm

For me, (as with many others i know) it would have been an empty platitude to say 'my worst day sober is by far much better then my best day drunk'.

It would have been dishonest of me to say that i did not enjoy my drinking at times. That is one reason i chose to keep drinking after my very first drink. And it would also have been dishonest to say all my sober days were wonderful. I have been on the brink of suicide in recovery, and others i have known have gone beyond that brink.

In reality, my worst day sober probably equalled my worst day drunk. In my case, sobriety was no panacea for mental health problems.

AA sayings can be useful as inspiration, but they should not be used to numb the mind so as to avoid looking at the truth.
~ I see no reason to believe; extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence ~
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Re: I Am An Alcoholic

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue Oct 04, 2011 6:39 pm

AA sayings can be useful as inspiration, but they should not be used to numb the mind so as to avoid looking at the truth.


Totally agree. Thats why we need to look at the message contained in the book called Alcoholics Anonymous rather than come to a conclusion from what we hear in the meetings.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: I Am An Alcoholic

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue Oct 04, 2011 7:06 pm

Want to add more to my earlier post, instead of listening to the sayings, if we follow what the book says we WILL see more people recovering:

==========================================================================================================================================================================
Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power that One is God. May you find Him now!

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. we asked His protection and care with complete abandon.

Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:

==========================================================================================================================================================================
It does not say:
One day at at time (Or) meeting makers make it (Or) Dont drink even if the ass falls off (Or) 90 in 90 (Or)......well you know what i mean.......
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: I Am An Alcoholic

Postby BB Kate » Wed Oct 05, 2011 2:00 am

Well said Avaneesh.

Neither does it say....
* Just keep coming back; or
* Just don't pick up a drink - no matter what

These things, according to the Big Book, are impossible for the alcoholic.

If you are a newcomer who has come to AA for help with alcoholism, stick with the book.
Anything said by individual members is just thier own brand of recovery - not AA (the book). There can be a big difference between the solitions offered by AA the Book and AA the fellowship.

I have been told all sorts of things in recovery, some of which should never be repeated. I have also had sponsors who have tried to recruit me to their religions and give me religion-specific advice/instructions under the premise that i should be willing to go to any lengths. If you come to AA for the AA solution, you have every right to ask for it, free of other influences.

Catchy slogans can be great, and some members do have valuable personal experience to offer, but be clear on what is AA and what is not.

And if you relate to the sentiment behind a slogan, think about how you might have expressed it in your own words, rather than only being able to relate your own expereince through the words of some 'guru'. For example, the sentiment about your best day drunk etc, could potential be shared by saying 'no matter how hard life gets, i'd rather be sober than drunk anyday!' I'm sure you could come up with your own thoughts though.
~ I see no reason to believe; extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence ~
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Re: I Am An Alcoholic

Postby leejosepho » Wed Oct 05, 2011 5:06 am

Nicole wrote:... anxiety I have never before experienced ...

What's early recovery like for you?

About the same as for you, and maybe even worse since I had major anxiety over speculations about what *might* have happened if things already past had not turned out as they had.

Nicole wrote:Panic attacks, bouts of depression and this "stinkin thinkin" are apparently normal for addicts in early recovery. Sometimes I scream when I see my shadow, I've adopted several irrational fears, and have experienced irregular sleeping patterns.

For people like us, that is the reality of "SOBER" -- Son Of a Buck, Everything's Real -- prior to actual recovery.

Nicole wrote:I'm not looking for answers to cope with these things, I just keep coming back and feel great at meetings!! I like to share feelings and experiences of what its like to be in early recovery as well as listen and hear about your experiences too.
It's comforting to know I am not alone in experiencing what sometimes feels unbearable ...

That can sometimes be sufficient for a while, but then somebody else new comes along and seems to steal it away. "The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us" (page 17), but that in itself is not sufficient over the road yet ahead. So, "early recovery" was when I became a student of the book called "Alcoholics Anonymous", and the experience of actually doing what is in it has held me ever since.
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================
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