Twenty-three years young and no idea what to do with my life

For the younger AA generation, some experience, strength and hope.

Twenty-three years young and no idea what to do with my life

Postby Anon_But_Not » Sun Jul 24, 2016 5:54 pm

Hello
I was hoping I could get some advice on what to do with my life.
I am 23 years old and almost 9 months sober.
I have been working the steps of AA with my sponsor but i have stagnated on Step 9. I feel like I need to make amends in person but i live so far away from my family and friends. (is that an excuse not to make them? am I afraid of making these amends?) Would a letter suffice? I should probably talk to my sponsor about that because I have been on step nine for a while now just waiting for something to happen i guess. Do I rely too much on my Higher Power to make miracles happen in my life? If I want something should I just go out there and get it?
I have not been to college, nor do i have any idea what i would want to go for.
I did graduate from High School, thank God.
I was considering joining the military?
I also was considering going to college but I have no way to pay for it and like previously stated I have no idea what I would actually want to go for.
should I be considering going to school to learn something that could HELP others in the long run or just what I want to do?
Does it matter if I want to do something? is that bad? Should I be thinking for myself at this point or primarily thinking of others?
I pray about it and pray about it and just cant find direction.
I was told before that I will not be able to help anyone else until I can help myself? is that true or is that just my addict brain finding an excuse not to help other people becasue as of yet I have not been able to "Help Myself" (whatever "Help Myself" means... Is there a definite point in time or a set of circumstances I have yet to meet that would qualify me as "Helped myself??"") I do not know.

I am rather anti-social and tend to just follow along with whatever "you're" talking about at any given time and place. So I figured that I would drop this little gem on here and see what you all think.
Thank you so much for your time and consideration.
[Insert fancy words here]
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Re: Twenty-three years young and no idea what to do with my

Postby Spirit Flower » Mon Jul 25, 2016 5:26 am

I lived across the country from my mother when I got sober. Writing a letter amend had the exact opposite affect as what I hoped for. I did it on sponsor's suggestion with less than a year sobriety. She kicked me out of her life. Be very careful of writing a letter.

In the mean time, live sober. Do step 10-12. Get a job. Pay your bills. Pray. Check out Bill's story where it talks about "uncommon sense" and "sitting before the Father of Lights". Let the miracles happen in your life.
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Re: Twenty-three years young and no idea what to do with my

Postby Noels » Mon Jul 25, 2016 4:50 pm

Hi Anon :D what do YOU want to do? I'd say it's okay to think about what YOU want to do work wise as it's your life and you will be the one living it and getting up to live and experience it each day. Itdoes sound as if you need to get to know yourself a bit better still before you concentrate on others so perhaps you can take a bit more time to get to know YOU before putting others first in all you do. ?
Regarding amends - you know your family best. To me making amends is for me to clean the slate. Once I apologised in an honest, open and truthful manner it's not up to me anymore . Yes it would be nice to be forgiven but that decision is then out of my hands. I would go with a letter if that's the only way available to me and whichever way it goes will be the way it's supposed to be. Not your fault.
Hope this helps
Love and light
Noels xxx
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Re: Twenty-three years young and no idea what to do with my

Postby Lali » Tue Jul 26, 2016 7:01 pm

Anon_But_Not wrote:I feel like I need to make amends in person but i live so far away from my family and friends. (is that an excuse not to make them? am I afraid of making these amends?) Would a letter suffice? I should probably talk to my sponsor about that because I have been on step nine for a while now just waiting for something to happen i guess.


If you feel like you need to make amends in person (as you stated), then you should make them in person. Do your family and friends live in the same area? Is there someone there that would let you stay with them while you make the rounds making amends to your friends and family? I'm sure it would mean a lot to them that you made the effort to travel to speak to them in person. I personally don't like the idea of writing letters. In a letter, should the recipient misunderstand something you are saying, there can be no back and forth for you to set this misunderstanding straight. They may just throw the letter in the trash and never speak to you again. Even a telephone call would be better than a letter IMO. Is there any reason why you haven't picked up the phone to call any of these people?

I'm not sure what you mean by being on step nine "for a while now". We do not stay on step 9 until all amends are made because it's not always feasible to make amends right away and there may be new amends to be made as you go through life. There is no reason for you to not go ahead to steps 10 through 12 while working on making your amends. Hasn't your sponsor said anything to you about moving on in the steps?
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Re: Twenty-three years young and no idea what to do with my

Postby ezdzit247 » Tue Jul 26, 2016 8:40 pm

Hi Anon_But_Not

Congratulations on 9 months of sobriety!

My dear old daddy told all four of his kids: "Always do what you love to do." I did, so did my brothers, gave my son the same advice, and he did that too. If you love what you do, it will never seem like work. So my suggestion is figure out what it is you love to do and go for it!

As for making those long distance amends, letters would be a great start.

Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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