I really just need someone to talk to

For the younger AA generation, some experience, strength and hope.

I really just need someone to talk to

Postby JFlo » Thu Jul 09, 2015 11:09 pm

Please, just be an advocate and talk to me.
Last edited by JFlo on Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I really just need someone to talk to

Postby ann2 » Fri Jul 10, 2015 12:41 am

Hi! Welcome! So glad you're here!

I'm in Sweden and just starting my cup of tea. Where are you in the world?

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada
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Re: I really just need someone to talk to

Postby Niagara » Fri Jul 10, 2015 1:14 am

Morning Jflo, and welcome to E-AA

From one of your other posts, I think you suspect you may be alcoholic? If you're not certain, my suggestion would be for you to learn what alcoholism is.

The AA big book is available online for free. Have a read of the chapters, 'the doctors opinion' 'there is a solution' and 'more about alcoholism'. That should give you some insight into the problem you have, if you are an alcoholic. Nobody else can decide that for you.

My experience, if I keep it simple was, once I started drinking, I found it very difficult to stop. I'd fully intend to only have a glass or two, but I'd end up drinking until the whole lot had gone or I passed out. Wasn't my intention to do that, far from it, but still happened almost every time. Towards the end, that was happening daily.......in the early days, I drank less often, but always way more than I intended.

I had an obsession with it. Bad day? A drink will fix that right up. Good day? ooh, one or two drinks will be the icing on the cake. Ok day? a glass of wine would be lovely just to relax. My thoughts would always lead me towards drink.

In between periods of drinking, I just didn't 'fit' in my own skin. Although I was more able to hold off in the early days, (like, 20 years ago) I never felt right. A drink always fixed that. I was one of those kids who always felt on the outside, never felt loved, just never fit in anywhere. That just got worse, as I got older and made bad choices based on the way I felt. I felt horrible inside, a drink was my answer....and of course the guilt and shame from the drinking, and the things I did in drinking, just made the whole thing worse - living sober was a real problem for me, feeling like this. I learned here that this is a spiritual malady, and a very real part of the disease of alcoholism.

The answer I found here in a 12 step program. I had to put the booze down (very difficult, at first. I had to live in my own skin without alcohol to numb it - ouch) but that was necessary because once I started drinking, I couldn't stop. In my early days here I did a lot of reading and listening to speaker tapes, learning about my alcoholism. I got a sponsor pretty quickly, and did the steps, pretty quickly. Somewhere around step 5, the obsession to drink disappeared...and as long as I continue to work the steps, it's been my experience that it stays gone. I'm not resisting the urge, I'm not craving it, I am just neutral towards it, and I like that. I no longer have any desire to drink, at all. My experience with feeling like I don't fit in my own skin, all of that has been helped massively too. I''m no longer running around in my own head like a hamster wheel anymore. Running fast, getting nowhere.

In the space of a year (well, less than, I felt the results of this fast.....the rest has been spent growing, enjoying, learning and helping) I have gone from a suicidal drunk wretch, unable to leave my house, unable to live, to a very contented single mum, I recently started working, I made new friends, rebuilt relationships with old, and feel for the first time ever in my life, I'm actually going somewhere. I can hold my head up.

With regards your family, your mum is an adult and as such makes her own choices. It's difficult for all of you, it seems. It might not be possible for you to separate them - what is important at the moment is that you get yourself in recovery, if you decide you have a problem. Al-anon might be a good thing for you, given the environment you grew up in - that's an organization for those who have been affected by family/friends suffering from alcoholism. I'm not sure if that is the case for you, or if there is an equivalent for family of those affected by drug addiction.

There is also an organization called CoDA - this is to do with codependency, which may be a problem in your family. It certainly was in mine. Have a google, have a read, and see what you think.

Best wishes :)
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt
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