26 and Trapped

For the younger AA generation, some experience, strength and hope.

26 and Trapped

Postby 17seconds » Thu Jan 17, 2013 11:00 am

Hello, everyone.

I realized I was an alcoholic about four years ago. Since then, the longest I've been sober is about 2 months, with smaller bouts of sobriety in between. I quit going to bars over a year ago, quit doing the night life thing, but found myself taking home pints of Vodka every night. I am desperate to stop this behavior.

My roommate is a 27 year old female, and one of my best friends---but SHE is an alcoholic in denial. Over the four years we have lived together she has always been a party girl, but in the last three months or so she has been drinking heavily at home. Even when I have asked her to keep alcohol out of the house, for both our benefit, she has still continued to drink at home with our neighbor, who, because she just lost her husband, is now on her way to becoming a heavy drinker.

I changed jobs to avoid the drinkers who would try and get me to go out with them, and because of that took a pay cut--- and now I come home to a bar every night in my own home. Some nights I'm able to spend at my boyfriend's house just to avoid being around alcohol, but because of school and our schedules, and my lack of transportation it isn't always possible. My lease on this apartment is up in September, and I'm scrounging every last nickle to move out and live on my own so at least I can come home to a safe place... but that is over 8 months away.

Until then, what can I do? I feel smothered by the temptation, I feel like I am drowning in it. The strings of three or four days without drinking are so white-knuckled they bring me to tears. I'm actually considering sleeping on my mother's couch until I decide whether or not to ask my room mate and best friend to move out. That would cripple me, financially, to not have her pay half the bills. She doesn't seem to understand that this is a problem for both of us. She doesn't see a problem with drinking every single night, and sometimes during the day because SHE doesn't get the blackouts, and the nasty urge to fight and destroy like I do when I drink. Alcohol is still "fun" for her.

I am desperate for advice on this---the obvious solution is to ask her to leave and get another job, or break my lease and sleep on my Mom's couch until I can get on my feet... but alcohol has destroyed so much in my life, I don't want it to take my clean record of "no evictions", too. I'm too foggy to think outside the box... Please, if you have nothing to suggest but the obvious, then at least pray for me. I have been praying for a different solution to present itself, for my friend to see the path to her own destruction before it is too late... I don't know what else to do. I got to meetings just to come home and wait, hands shaking and heart pounding in the belly of the beast. My own home is the belly of this beast.

If anything, thank you for your prayers.
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Re: 26 and Trapped

Postby johnd » Thu Jan 17, 2013 11:23 am

Welcome,
You are rearranginging your own life to convieince others, not a good place to be... The only thing that would be advised is for you is, You shouldn't try to convince or wait for someone else to change. Understandably you have more on your plate than you can handle. What you might consider is finnding another potential roommate that will
co-operate with you. Then get yourself to meetings, get a sponsor, and get your life back in order.
I hope you will keep going to meetings. The problem you have is drinking.
No one can change but you. We all must start somewhere. I'm sorry for your pain,
You really shouldn't be settling for less. Good Luck and glad you're here. Please keep us posted. We are here to help really..... John D.
Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans- Anonymous
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Re: 26 and Trapped

Postby Lali » Thu Jan 17, 2013 6:00 pm

I would look for a new (non-drinking) roommate. Then I would suggest you go to some AA meetings. You can't white knuckle it forever. That's the beauty of AA. We learn there how to live a full life without alcohol.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
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Re: 26 and Trapped

Postby PaigeB » Fri Jan 18, 2013 1:01 am

Welcome to the Forums.

I can't help but think that when I live in the solution an answer pops up. When I am struggling, thinking constantly of all the things I can't handle and I go to a meeting and rest the hamster that spins the wheels up there.... when I PAUSE and cease fighting anyone and any thing, not only do I feel better but I also am more open minded.

When all else fails, intense work with another alcoholic never does. We will suddenly know how to handle situations that used to baffle us.

Keep coming back. The answer is living in the solution and that is what we try to do here. Peace.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: 26 and Trapped

Postby Lali » Fri Jan 18, 2013 6:06 pm

17 seconds, maybe you can clear something up for me. You state:

17seconds wrote: But found myself taking home pints of Vodka every night.


Then you go on to state that your roommate brings alcohol home and that is a problem or both you and her.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
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Re: 26 and Trapped

Postby flip » Sun Aug 18, 2013 12:56 am

hey, i'm 26 as well, i can totally understand your situation. At this point in our lives we have a lot of financial obligations, and talking to a close friend about such conflicts defiantly isn't easy. This may seem somewhat unrelated, but in my late teens i had developed a serious drug addiction, i had reached the bottom and desperately wanted to quit, i was seeing an addiction specialist at a counselling center, but then he retired and i wasn't refer ed to anyone, then i stopped going. Eventually i had reached a breaking point, i stopped seeing anyone who did drugs or supplied drugs. I would relapse from time to time, but it was few and rare. I'm no expert, but the only advice i could offer is having a very uncomfortable conversation with your friend/roomate, you're needs/situation has changed, maybe suggest that you both seek different room mates. I'm paying for two households at the moment, i understand how ignoring bills will not improve your situation. I'd say talk to your roomate, talk to your landlord, you don't know if you don't ask. good luck
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Re: 26 and Trapped

Postby LostInHer20s » Sat Nov 09, 2013 6:29 pm

Hey,
I'm 28 female in a similar situation. I had a boyfriend I lived with and he "casuall" drank. My first go around I made it 5 1/2 months and relapsed and he was right bored, bcz wouldn't you know it I think he had learned the behavior that if I was a "known" alcoholic people would judge is his drinking bcz it was nowhere near mine. Eventually the relationship was in turmoil, my life in shambles, and what is now my last epic battle of withdrawls. Alcohol was killing me. Literraly. from the inside out. I sat down and told him how much I cared for him, but if he loved and cared for me he would let me go so I could work the program the way it is intended and not a "menu recovery" when I want it and how I want it. I want long term sobriety he understood. I am currently a little over 90 days. We shared a place togather but ultimatley I needed to remove myself from the situation. I am 28 live with my parents (whom still love me, thank go) and they could not be prouder that I bit the bullet and did whatever I had to do to get into recovery and stay there. I am willing to go to any length to get it. I am new to recovery again, and I have had to set serious boundaries with everything. Friends, family, coworkers, facebook. I will not tolerate people in my life that don't support my progression forward. Maybe I will see them in the future when they find AA too. I can hope but I don't judge or critisize active drinkers because each person has their own deadline for taking action. Your young, write you own story. My story hasn't been so successful in the past and it's time that I go big 100% or settle with being an alcoholic and die in my apartment alone, right where my addiction wants me. Tonight I'm so out of my skin at my parents house it's driving me crazy. I googled AA forums and here I am. I'm glad you shared and I hope you take something away from my ramble.
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Re: 26 and Trapped

Postby Lali » Sun Nov 10, 2013 7:42 am

Welcome, Lost. We are glad you are here. Good for you for what you are doing to stay away from the drink. Have you attended any face to face AA meetings?

Others will be along to welcome you, there aren't as many people posting on weekends.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
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Re: 26 and Trapped

Postby ann2 » Sun Nov 10, 2013 10:10 am

Welcome Lost, glad you Found us! I love your drive. Way to go on accepting nothing less than sobriety. Hurray!

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada
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Re: 26 and Trapped

Postby kenyal » Sun Nov 10, 2013 2:37 pm

Welcome lost, I might be off base but a few things occurred to me in reading your post. First it's interesting you and your roommate are on basically the same path, just that she's some months behind in making the decisions you've tried to make for yourself. You left the party and outside drinking behind and she did the same, just 7 months later. Your struggles now may become hers in the near future.

That could be good in a way, if she sees you now beginning AA and by participating there stay comfortably sober and regain your decision making abilities. If she later reaches the point you are at now, then she may remember the better path you chose to take instead of continuing to fight it, drink, hide, stay confused and suffering in bewilderment as to what the right thing to do in her situation might possibly be.
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