Damage to Children

Some alcoholics still have families when they get to AA. This is a place to ask questions and share experiences about relating to family members sober, especially when newly sober. (If you are not an alcoholic, please use the "Our Friends and Families" forum.)
kells
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Re: Damage to Children

Post by kells » Thu Sep 26, 2013 2:09 pm

Please don't beat youself up it takes time for a child to forgive and forget. My mum is an alcoholic and still to this day will not accept what she has done to me and her other two kids. We went thru hell and even now im 28 and she is still drinking and blaming everyone else. If she would just admit it and do something to change i would be able to love her and forgive the past but she just wont. I have also become an alcoholic and I have 3 beautiful kids and much as i hate myself for making the same mistakes i know in time as long as i do change my kids will respect me for that and forgive me. Just keep sober and persevere and well done :) x

Lali
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Re: Damage to Children

Post by Lali » Thu Sep 26, 2013 5:34 pm

I would distance myself from my mother and maybe attend some Al-Anon meetings in the meantime. I would pay more attention to what's happening with your kids than what was done to you.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

SoberSarahK
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Re: Damage to Children

Post by SoberSarahK » Wed Apr 25, 2018 12:54 pm

Big hugs Mama. When I was Working on step four I realize how many resentments I had bern holding on to with my parents and how I had hung on to those old stories of how I was hurt. Typical addict, it’s all about ME. I am in seen my dad since Thanksgiving and we haven’t talk to the phone since September 20, 1 I am in seen my dad since Thanksgiving and we haven’t talk to the phone since September 20, 2016. My relationship with my mom is completely toxic and it’s got to the point that We literally can’t have a conversation without it having misunderstandings. I’m hopeful that she will eventually go to therapy with me to address these issues now that I’ve gotten past no resentments with her (although it’s a struggle not to develop new ones. I just want to look at the patterns in the relationships that are not working and have not been working since I was seven years old (I am almost 39). I think if you start working the steps you will have more clarity around this and find it easier to see it from their perspective. I think you son may be expecting you to be making amends already but that’s all the way up at step nine so you got to get there first before he might start trusting you again. It probably wouldn’t hurt to explain the steps to him and that you do intend to make amends but you have to understand the wreckage that you’ve left him with before you do that. It probably wouldn’t hurt to explain the steps to him and that you do intend to make amends but you have to understand the wreckage that you’ve left him with before you do that. He also has his own resentments and working the steps I think is probably one of the best therapeutic tools you can use whether you’re an addict or not. Maybe once you finish your first 12 he will be open to hearing how it works for you and at least maybe do the fourth step resentments worksheets because those are superduper helpful to see where your head has been and where it actually could be

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