Both recovering but years later spouse returns to drinking

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Both recovering but years later spouse returns to drinking

Postby MrBlackCat » Tue Nov 10, 2015 2:41 pm

Anyone else experience this? We met at AA, she had more sobriety than me. Got married, raised some kids, thought we thought the same, talked the program, celebrated dates, etc. Then out of the blue she tells me she has decided she wants to drink and was too young and never an alcoholic. Tells me she has been sneaking it, but knows she was never alcoholic since she isn't compelled to drink. We were so close and now the marriage is different. I have lived with it for 5 years. She seems like a normal drinker, but dropped all AA principles, so is a different person. She just emailed me to ask me if we should go on a wine tasting weekend, suggesting we go. I was a wild man when I used, addicted to drugs and alcohol, dealer and sometime crazy dangerous and she knows I can't go on a wine tasting weekend. Is this sick, sadistic humor, short sightedness or another sign I can't be married to an active drinker who was sober? I feel like I am the only person in the world trying to stay sober in this situation. ANy feedback would be very helpful. Thanks NA and AA people.
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Re: Both recovering but years later spouse returns to drinki

Postby leejosepho » Tue Nov 10, 2015 3:16 pm

Welcome, MrB!

MrBlackCat wrote:...she wants to drink....just emailed me to ask me if we should go on a wine tasting weekend...

Just answer her question: Yes/No.

MrBlackCat wrote:Is this sick, sadistic humor, short sightedness...

Others of us could only speculate there, but she might be going through some kind of very-troubling time in her life.

MrBlackCat wrote:Is this...another sign I can't be married to an active drinker...

This current situation has not actually surprised you?

MrBlackCat wrote:...an active drinker who was sober?

That would be the hard part and you will have to decide about your vow of "in sickness and in health" if you made one.
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"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
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