Difficulty with spouse drinking

Some alcoholics still have families when they get to AA. This is a place to ask questions and share experiences about relating to family members sober, especially when newly sober. (If you are not an alcoholic, please use the "Our Friends and Families" forum.)

Re: Difficulty with spouse drinking

Postby Brock » Thu May 11, 2017 5:16 am

Welcome here soberinseattle.

Your post reminds me and perhaps some others of what we were like when drinking, I had a different choice of TV show, but certainly put my wife through many of the 'horrors' you describe. The way you show the difference between the man while drinking, and the man sober, (the one you want to stay married to), is to me the classic Jekyll and Hyde, which describes many of us alcoholics.

It is particularly difficult when someone close to us, while seeing the example of recovery we have become, is not interested in the AA program for themselves. But I would mention and the book says, that many are classed as hard drinkers, as opposed to alcoholics, and given good enough reason, (which a possible divorce might be), he may moderate or stop completely. The fact that he stopped one night, and moderated down to three the next day, sort of points to that possibility.

Perhaps he will stay moderated, and his behavior and 'get up and go' for household chores will improve, I certainly hope so. I expect some of the others here will offer an opinion, especially the ladies who can relate to this sort of thing, all the best to you.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Difficulty with spouse drinking

Postby avaneesh912 » Thu May 11, 2017 5:45 am

maybe this helped. by not yelling at him,, no threats,.

Yes, I know a woman in my old home group, she came into the rooms way before the husband came. I asked the husband how was it in between. He said that the woman would live her own life un-mindful of what he did. Finally he saw the change in her and drew some strength and walked into the rooms of AA. Today, they are sober members of AA. I always saw the serene look in her face. And the husband confirmed the kind, poised nature of her.

Edit: Also wanted to add what Charlie from the famous "BB Study". He said his would wife would buy more whiskey and leave them in the basement, so he could get drunk and become willing.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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