being treated like a child by partner!

Some alcoholics still have families when they get to AA. This is a place to ask questions and share experiences about relating to family members sober, especially when newly sober. (If you are not an alcoholic, please use the "Our Friends and Families" forum.)

Re: being treated like a child by partner!

Postby TonyWARMS » Mon Apr 13, 2015 7:42 am

Hi, Barbera
Same thing happened to me, in a way.
I called to get a ride to a meeting, and at first, they told me there was no one available.
The next day I got a call back telling me they had found a ride for me.
When this person came to pick me up,the look on his face suggested, maybe, he was going to kill me, or he thought I was going to kill him!
That situation did not work out :lol:
To make a long story short, I got another ride through the hotline, and have a new, good friend who introduced me to my home group,full of great people.
I would not have this new support without that perseverance.

Also, I thought I was nothing without a drink.
The truth was, I wasn't myself with it.
Looking back, I never would do most of the things I did then, now.
I don't treat people the same.
Amazingly, I care about others'.
More interested in helping them, and less concerned with what I'm going to get out of it.
And, I get so much more than I could have ever imagined.

Peace, Tony
P.S This is my second time around. But, this time, I actually practice what I preach. Use what you hear as you need it.
"Nothing comes to stay. Everything comes to pass".
(I don't know where I heard this)
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Re: being treated like a child by partner!

Postby Brock » Mon Apr 13, 2015 10:53 am

barbera-bell wrote: I'm hoping 3 meetings a week will be enough?



If 3 are what you can do then they will have to be enough, coupled with reading and perhaps listening to AA tapes, you can find these at you tube just type in AA speakers. It’s a hit and miss in choosing them, maybe start by typing in Best lady AA speakers to narrow it down, and for those who don’t live in the US we sometimes narrow it further, by listening for those who speak more through their mouth and less through their nose.

Tony spoke of his first experience with someone “trying” to help him as not being very good, it’s useful to remember that AA is non professional, and everyone wants to help, some are better at it than others. For example on your first question of number of meetings, you will meet folks at meetings and maybe even read here, some who will say things like 90 meetings in 90 days, and when you speak about kids and nobody to assist they might mention going to any lengths, and other stuff from our books, bottom line go as often as you possibly can. And please keep in mind this is not some sort of punishment try to enjoy it if you can, and not a life sentence either, in a few months you should be in a position where the thought of drinking has disappeared.

Also while we are non professional if you can it will probably do you good to visit a doctor, be forthright and honest state your problem and what you are doing. It is quite possible you may be given something to help curb the terrible anxious feeling we all get at first, possibly something to aid in getting a good night’s sleep as well. These are useful in the short term, however here again there are folks who will say no no no we shouldn’t take such things, once you say my doctor told me to take it end of discussion, AA literature encourages following professional medical advice. I wish you all the best, getting sober and doing the steps so we enjoy sobriety is actually much easier than it appears at first.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: being treated like a child by partner!

Postby ezdzit247 » Mon Apr 13, 2015 12:09 pm

barbera-bell wrote:Yeah there's one close to me Wednesday night and then a women's only meeting on Saturday. Got all the legal stuff about my kids to sort out as well this week I'm hoping 3 meetings a week will be enough?


So glad to hear you went to a meeting. When I was newly sober I went to a LOT of meetings. I drank every day and at meetings I heard other former daily drinkers share that going to daily meetings really helped them, calmed their nerves, so that's what I did too. The daily meeting thing worked really well for me too. It slowed me down, helped me to adjust to taking life one day at a time instead of sitting at home getting anxious and frazzled over all my life's problems. Three meetings a week sounds good. If it's not enough, you can always add some more meetings to your week.

Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: being treated like a child by partner!

Postby barbera-bell » Tue Apr 14, 2015 11:40 pm

Brock wrote:
barbera-bell wrote: I'm hoping 3 meetings a week will be enough?


Also while we are non professional if you can it will probably do you good to visit a doctor, be forthright and honest state your problem and what you are doing. It is quite possible you may be given something to help curb the terrible anxious feeling we all get at first, possibly something to aid in getting a good night’s sleep as well. These are useful in the short term, however here again there are folks who will say no no no we shouldn’t take such things, once you say my doctor told me to take it end of discussion, AA literature encourages following professional medical advice. I wish you all the best, getting sober and doing the steps so we enjoy sobriety is actually much easier than it appears at first.


Yeah my doctor is aware if the situation but don't think she really understands anxiety too well. I have PTSD from a violent assault which I've had no counselling for yet. She doesn't seem to like giving out pills. I've only seen her a few times where I've recently moved. My last doctor is in the next town and was much more understanding and a little more old school. He's clearly seen cases like mine much more so I'm going to try to get back to his surgery its only an extra twenty minute journey. I've been reffered for counselling now but its a long waiting list. I do have appointment with an alcohol service next week maybe they can help too I'll have to go and find out!

My anxiety is thru the roof since last night had my kids new counsellor here and she tried counselling me afterwards which I wasn't prepared for so its kind of opened a can of worms. Her advice on alcohol was try switching from wine to cider, apparently it worked for her but it isn't something u say to a recovering alcoholic! Set off that devil in my head! Luckily I have a meeting tonight x
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Re: being treated like a child by partner!

Postby whipping post » Wed Apr 15, 2015 4:21 am

Glad to hear you are moving forward.

barbera-bell wrote:
Brock wrote:
barbera-bell wrote:

Her advice on alcohol was try switching from wine to cider


The quote above made me chuckle. If only it was that easy for an alkie. :lol:
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Re: being treated like a child by partner!

Postby tyg » Wed Apr 22, 2015 3:10 am

Usually people act that way when someone's liquor consumption is out of control and one's drinking habits have become unmanageable. Otherwise, there would be no good purpose for our friends, family, lovers, etc to waste good money by dumping out booze left in bottles and replacing it with water.
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~
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Re: being treated like a child by partner!

Postby odat12 » Thu Oct 12, 2017 12:10 pm

My boyfriend is treating me like a child as well. I came home from a meeting yesterday to be told that he put all my paraphernalia away and - yes I've already said this already but - he's walking on eggshells and doing all those things I used to do with my exes who were addicts and alcoholics. I feel like I constantly have to tell him I'm capable of doing things. Karma is kind of amusing. I haven't used, I'm reading my big book, and I'm doing the steps to the best of my ability. Just for today, I guess I'm okay. It's taken me all day to realize that. The pity pot can get pretty thick over here sometimes. I've been in his shoes and I understand the fear. Poor guy doesn't have a clue what he's gotten himself into.
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Re: being treated like a child by partner!

Postby positrac » Fri Oct 13, 2017 2:20 am

odat12 wrote: Poor guy doesn't have a clue what he's gotten himself into.

You could be in the same position because staying sober might reveal a lot of things that could really agitate things and so be mindful.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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Re: being treated like a child by partner!

Postby odat12 » Fri Oct 13, 2017 10:39 am

I've been having a bad case of insomnia for the past two weeks. I woke up at 3am this morning and I was so mad at him for comments he made yesterday. All I wanted was to get some sleep so I wrote him a note and left it on the table for him to read. I'm so glad that I woke up in time to remove the note because it would have broken his heart. I prayed for help after writing the note and fell asleep for a bit and woke up to remove it.

He went to his first Al-Anon meeting last night and slept just as poorly as I did. I seen the hurt and lack of sleep in his eyes and was able to talk to him calmly about what was bothering me and it went over well. I know I'm just as "clueless" right now. Thanks to the people at the meetings and on this forum I have been handling things - actually handling them rather than letting them build. I think I may actually be accepting that I'm powerless and coming to believe at least a smidge.

When I threw out the note, I wrote a letter to him that he will not read and it was that letter that helped me to frame a calm way to express myself to him and look into his eyes and ask how he's doing. This is just as hard on him as it is on me. I'm seeing it now.
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