AAers attending alanon meetings?

Some alcoholics still have families when they get to AA. This is a place to ask questions and share experiences about relating to family members sober, especially when newly sober. (If you are not an alcoholic, please use the "Our Friends and Families" forum.)

AAers attending alanon meetings?

Postby Jessica » Thu Jan 29, 2015 12:15 pm

Hi everyone- My sponsor has suggested that i try out an alanon meeting and a CoDA mtg (In addition to working my AA program). She found it helpful for her. I have alcoholism in my family of origin and am having marital issues that are ongoing. My spouse does not currently drink. I am an alcoholic. I definitely have codependency stuff but I feel like I would just get confused. I am currently working on my 4th step. I feel like I can never move off the resentment phase though. Who knew I was so angry all the time? Just interested in what other fellow AA folks have to say on this subject.
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Re: AAers attending alanon meetings?

Postby ann2 » Thu Jan 29, 2015 2:08 pm

Hi Jessica! Thanks for the question, that's a good one. I went to Al-Anon meetings when my family's drinking was a specific issue, that is, when it was bothering me because of a recent event. ACoA, Adult Children of Amcoholics, on the other hand I investigated right where you are, when I was struggling with my 4th step. There weren't any meetings around but I visited the web site and read the book. Seeing the inventory with some help from ACoA perspective gave me the assist I needed to get through the block.

For me "co-dependent" is more the behavior than the description of me as a person. I can cop to being an adult child of an alcoholic easier than to being co-dependent.

Ann
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Re: AAers attending alanon meetings?

Postby ezdzit247 » Thu Jan 29, 2015 2:55 pm

Hi Jessisca

When I first got sober, my sponsor insisted on my attending an AA meeting every day and at least one Alanon meeting per week. She told me the reason for this was that every alcoholic in recovery knows how to hang on to stuff like anger, hate, resentments, hurts, injuries, etc, but very few know how to release it or themselves. I was kind of ditsy and dingy, a chronic newcomer for the first two years, but when I finally did get sober and re-worked Steps 1,2, and 3, I was surprised to find out how much I'd actually learned and retained from those Alanon meetings. Because I'd learned how to really release myself and my will to the care of God as I understood God in Alanon, when I took my 3rd Step "the Alanon way" all anxiety regarding doing my 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, and 9th Steps disappeared and I was able to be fearless and thorough working all 12 Steps within my first six months of sobriety. So, no, I don't think going to Alanon or working their program will confuse you.

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Re: AAers attending alanon meetings?

Postby Duke » Thu Jan 29, 2015 6:14 pm

Hi Jessica. My family history qualifies me for just about everything and I spent a significant amount of time with both alanon and acoa in the past. Both were very helpful to me at the time. AA is my only group now, but I always recommend folks try attending any meetings they qualify for. I've never seen it hurt.

Hope that helps. Keep coming back.
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Re: AAers attending alanon meetings?

Postby Tommy-S » Fri Jan 30, 2015 5:04 am

Hi Jessica,

but I feel like I would just get confused


Why not talk to your sponsor about that... Attending a meeting or two is a lot different from working the Steps as Alanon suggest

I have attended Alanon and done a couple of the Inventories their way, but that was AFTER I had gotten through AA's 12 Steps... doing AA was enough for me to work on at the time.

First things first has always worked for me :)

Thanks... Tommy
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Re: AAers attending alanon meetings?

Postby PaigeB » Fri Jan 30, 2015 10:41 am

I did some Alanon for a while. I was welcomed - they call us "double winners" with love of course. :D

I did not stay and I do not think that I will need to go again. You see, as an alcoholic, one of my biggest problems is thinking that I am different & unique - this definitely came into play as I sat in Alanon meetings, even though I continued to try until I did feel less unique - it was hard.

In the end, it kept coming back to me one thing my sponsor (who successfully did the Steps with Alanon) told me, "You are an alcoholic. Any chance you have to blame someone else for your problems is a dangerous one. Alcoholism comes first."

I guess I was hearing enough that I was able to apply my work on the 12 Steps of AA to ALL my problems and just used that time to get to an extra AA meeting.
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Re: AAers attending alanon meetings?

Postby ann2 » Fri Jan 30, 2015 1:54 pm

Certainly attending Al-Anon meetings was good for accepting my alcoholism :) After attending a few it was obvious which camp I belonged in :roll:

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