Is this a side effect of sobriety?

Some alcoholics still have families when they get to AA. This is a place to ask questions and share experiences about relating to family members sober, especially when newly sober. (If you are not an alcoholic, please use the "Our Friends and Families" forum.)

Is this a side effect of sobriety?

Postby ur.girl.gg » Fri Nov 30, 2012 9:12 pm

I am 21 days sober today and doing ok. However my boyfriend thinks something is wrong with me in the bedroom. I dont have a sponser yet so i thought id try this for some advice. It seems that my sex drive just isnt up to par lately and it is worrysome to him. He is suspicious of my new behavior, well, lack thereof, and im curious to know if im the only one whos experienced this? He has been my biggest fan and supporter since i made the decision to get sober. Im just not quite sure if this is normal or how to explain it to him without it making me look guilty of infidelity. oh how this sux, so anything helps. thanks guys.
ur.girl.gg
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Nov 30, 2012 8:57 pm

Re: Is this a side effect of sobriety?

Postby PaigeB » Fri Nov 30, 2012 10:41 pm

See a doctor, OB/GYN or wait it out. As a non-doctor all I can say is our bodies change an awful lot when we quit drinking...
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 10387
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Is this a side effect of sobriety?

Postby Blue Moon » Sat Dec 01, 2012 12:08 am

For sure, the things we do when drinking would make anyone suspicious of any change. The situation sickens not only us, but them also.

Only time, perhaps helped along by their own involvement with Alanon if they want it, makes things better. For us, the focus needs to be on sobriety - a lasting, enduring sobriety.

I'd be more suspicious if someone said "hey I'm 21 days sober and everything's normal". By all means see a Dr (doesn't hurt to get some blood-work etc done anyway, and diet, vitamins etc. do tend to be out of whack for a while). But I'd suggest less worry about his wants and more focus on your need for seeking out a good sponsor who's taken the 12 steps and got well.
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon
User avatar
Blue Moon
Site Admin
 
Posts: 3561
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2002 2:01 am
Location: New Jersey

Re: Is this a side effect of sobriety?

Postby ann2 » Sat Dec 01, 2012 1:57 am

A word about sex relations. Alcohol is so sexually stimulating to some . . . that they have over-indulged. Couples are occasionally dismayed to find that when drinking is stopped the [person] tends to be impotent. Unless the reason is understood, there may be an emotional upset. Some of us had this experience, only to enjoy, in a few months, a finer intimacy than ever. There should be no hesitancy in consulting a doctor or psychologist if the condition persists. We do not know of many cases where this difficulty lasted long.


p134 of the Big Book

Don't worry, and thanks for being here!

Big hugs,

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada
User avatar
ann2
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 8687
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2004 2:01 am
Location: Somewhere in Sweden

Re: Is this a side effect of sobriety?

Postby Lali » Sat Dec 01, 2012 2:55 pm

My guess is that you were totally uninhibited when you were drunk. I know I was. You are probably a little more inhibited sober. It's probably like you are sleeping with him for the first time. Does it feel like that? I'm not Dr. Ruth (oops- you're to young to know who Dr. Ruth was), but just try to be more present. And ask him to direct you as to what he wants. Congrats on the 21 days!!
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
Lali
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 4869
Joined: Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:13 am

Re: Is this a side effect of sobriety?

Postby ur.girl.gg » Sat Dec 01, 2012 6:09 pm

Thanks everyone for your comments, i appreciate you all taking the time to help me. Thanks to everyone, i look forward to being an active member in aa as well as this forum. thanks for having me.
ur.girl.gg
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Nov 30, 2012 8:57 pm

Re: Is this a side effect of sobriety?

Postby PaigeB » Sun Dec 02, 2012 1:10 am

Glad to have you!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 10387
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Is this a side effect of sobriety?

Postby Blue Moon » Sun Dec 02, 2012 10:24 am

ur.girl.gg wrote:thanks for having me.


Thanks for being you, and for being here.
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon
User avatar
Blue Moon
Site Admin
 
Posts: 3561
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2002 2:01 am
Location: New Jersey

Re: Is this a side effect of sobriety?

Postby Marc L » Sun Dec 02, 2012 12:40 pm

ur.girl.gg wrote:I am 21 days sober today and doing ok. However my boyfriend thinks something is wrong with me in the bedroom. I dont have a sponser yet so i thought id try this for some advice. It seems that my sex drive just isnt up to par lately and it is worrysome to him. He is suspicious of my new behavior, well, lack thereof, and im curious to know if im the only one whos experienced this? He has been my biggest fan and supporter since i made the decision to get sober. Im just not quite sure if this is normal or how to explain it to him without it making me look guilty of infidelity. oh how this sux, so anything helps. thanks guys.


Hi;
I'm Marc and I'm Alcoholic.
So you're not as Horny as you used to be. :D
So what, it happens. It's no big deal and try not to worry about it so much.
In Coal Miner's Daughter Loretta Lynn said Baloney made her Horny.
You could try that. :lol:

Marc
Recovery won't just happen by Osmosis. You gonna' have to work at it some.
12th Step work ain't just a job... It's an Adventure.
User avatar
Marc L
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 1603
Joined: Sat May 03, 2008 8:04 pm
Location: South Florida. U.S.A.

Re: Is this a side effect of sobriety?

Postby ur.girl.gg » Sun Dec 02, 2012 4:00 pm

lol. thanks Marc! :)
ur.girl.gg
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Nov 30, 2012 8:57 pm

Re: Is this a side effect of sobriety?

Postby CGPoolman » Mon Dec 03, 2012 8:11 am

UR Girl,

I can relate to what you are going thru - my drive has gone down quite a bit as well. I think there are several factors at work, at least for me anyways. First, like Lali pointed out - I was a lot bolder when drunk and had no problem saying exactly what I wanted. I find myself to be a lot shyer when sober (even though I'm married for almost 20 yrs LOL). Also, sobriety has given me a lot more free time to pursue other interests like exercising, reading, and fishing so sex isn't always at the top of my list. Just give it time and things will balance out for you. Your boyfriend is adjusting to your sobriety just as you are, so there will be some changes and adjustments for the both of you.

Thanks,
CG
CGPoolman
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 121
Joined: Fri Nov 30, 2012 12:16 pm
Location: Florida

Re: Is this a side effect of sobriety?

Postby Tommy-S » Mon Dec 03, 2012 9:56 am

Thanks for the share.

As I used Alcohol to change how I felt, Sex served a similar purpose.

Getting sober changed that, it Had to...as The Same ME will Drink again.

Through Step 4 & 5 with a Sponsor, I figured out what I shouldn't have been doing and what I screwed up in the past for myself & others. Steps 6 & 7 gave me new goals and behaviors, and through 8 & 9, I fixed what I broke to the best of my ability.

In short, I got more than just a new attitude, and today, enjoy real relationships rather than the using of others. I no longer wander around with a ten foot umbilical cord looking for someone to plug in to to take care of me... Instead, I am able to add to the other person. It works.

Get a sponsor, work the Steps, find YOUR answers in finding who and what you are.. instead of counting on others, as I have found, no matter how screwed up my thinking is, I can always find someone to agree with me.

Thanks... Tommy
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!
User avatar
Tommy-S
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 2296
Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2012 3:11 pm
Location: Norfolk, VA

Re: Is this a side effect of sobriety?

Postby Cristina » Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:30 pm

Encourage your boyfriend to read "To the Wives" (have him substitute the pronouns for she) and "The Family Afterwards". This will make him understand more of what we are going through, what to expect from our recovery, and it gives them an insight to how we behave. Sobriety changes a lot in us, and it takes time to adapt to the new changes.
Cristina
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 59
Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2012 8:51 am
Location: Spokane

Re: Is this a side effect of sobriety?

Postby Chaz » Mon Mar 25, 2013 7:25 am

I have been sober for 9 weeks now and my sex drive has just dissapeared pretty much. I have tried to explain to my partner that it's not her and i'm just not arroused at all, maybe because i've never done it sober having been alcohol dependant for 20 years, i did give up last year for 6 months and had the same problem then but fell off the wagon for 6 months (sex drive was fine whilst drinking?) I've been reading quite a lot about the low sex drive after giving up and some say it can take up to a year for your body to get back to normal. I only joined this site today as i'm not good at talking about my emotions or feelings to anyone so i thought i could show my partner this site and then she could read about the problems we giving up alcohol are going through as i'm useless! :| I fully intend to try my hardest to stay dry and hope my sex drive comes back sooner rather than later :wink:
Chaz
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Mar 25, 2013 6:36 am

Re: Is this a side effect of sobriety?

Postby becksdad » Mon Mar 25, 2013 7:36 am

Hi Chaz! Welcome here! My name is Ed, and I am an alcoholic, glad you found this site, and hope to see and read more from you. Lots of good recovery here.

As to the specific problem of impotence in early sobriety, as has been discussed above and also discussed in the BB, it will work itself out in time. Perhaps it can be a little reassuring that so many folks have encountered the same temporary issue, being so common as to include discussion in the book that was published in 1939! It will be OK...

Anyway, keep coming back, Chaz! Together we get better.

Thanks, Ed
becksdad
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 950
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 4:54 pm
Location: Nawth Carolina

Next

Return to The Family Afterwards

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests