How to deal with Thanksgiving and all the alcohol

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Cynbad
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How to deal with Thanksgiving and all the alcohol

Post by Cynbad » Tue Nov 24, 2015 11:02 pm

I've had 24 hours sober and I am very concerned about how to not to fall back to old patterns. What do you say to someone who is pouring you a drink and be polite?

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ann2
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Re: How to deal with Thanksgiving and all the alcohol

Post by ann2 » Wed Nov 25, 2015 1:44 am

Twelve Tips on Keeping Your Holidays Sober and Joyous.jpg
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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ann2
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Re: How to deal with Thanksgiving and all the alcohol

Post by ann2 » Wed Nov 25, 2015 1:45 am

and in text:

1 Line up extra AA activities for the holiday season. Arrange to take newcomers to meetings, answer the phone at a clubhouse or central
office, speak, help with dishes, or visit the local alcoholic ward at a hospital.

2 Be host to AA friends, especially newcomers. If you don't have a place where you can throw a formal party, take one person to a dinner
and spring for the coffee.

3 Keep your AA telephone list with you all the time. If a drinking urge or panic comes- postpone everything else until you've called an AA member.

4 Find out about the special holiday parties, meetings, or other celebrations given by groups in your area, and go. If you're timid take someone newer than you are.

5 Skip any drinking occasions you are nervous about. Remember how clever you were at excuses when drinking? Now put the talent to good use. No office party is as important as saving your life.

6 If you have to go to a drinking party and can't take an AA with you, keep some candy handy.

7 Don't think you have to stay late. Plan in advance an "important date" you have to keep.

8 Worship in your own way.

9 Don't sit around brooding. Catch up on those books, museums, walks,and letters.

10 Don't start getting worked up about all those holiday temptations. Remember - "one day at a time".

11 Enjoy the true beauty of holiday love and joy. Maybe you cannot give material gifts - but this year you can give love.

12 "Having had a..." No need to spell out the Twelfth Step here,since you already know it.
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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Re: How to deal with Thanksgiving and all the alcohol

Post by Robert R » Wed Nov 25, 2015 2:21 am

At my first Christmas family party there were young children present, I made it my responsibility to keep them amused and occupied. In doing so I mingled with other non drinking members of my family that I had never noticed as non drinkers before that time as I had previously always gravitated to those who drank like me. It was the beginning of the realisation that I had spent my life with my eyes and ears half shut!
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

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leejosepho
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Re: How to deal with Thanksgiving and all the alcohol

Post by leejosepho » Wed Nov 25, 2015 4:01 am

Cynbad wrote:What do you say to someone who is pouring you a drink and be polite?
"At a proper time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink." (page 102)

I typically tell people quite clearly that I am among the one-in-ten who cannot drink safely. I tell them it has something to do with some abnormal body chemistry due to insufficient quantities and qualities of enzymes during metabolization (digestion) causing me to drink beyond all mental control and ultimately break out in spots like gutters and jail cells. I do temper that a bit and try to choose my words carefully at the dinner table, of course, but I give people an opportunity to know it would be life-threatening and thereby homicidal (immoral) to push a drink at me. Some people might never catch on, some will refuse to believe all of that because it hits too close to home and others might just think we are weird, but I know the facts about myself and neither do I drink gasoline.
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================

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whipping post
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Re: How to deal with Thanksgiving and all the alcohol

Post by whipping post » Wed Nov 25, 2015 5:46 am

Hi Cyn,

Last year was my first round of sober holidays. I was nervous as well. The list Ann posted has some good suggestions. One of those I used was avoiding dinners where I knew there would be alcohol (AKA if my brothers-in-law were there :lol: ) I was just too powerless over it to put myself in a position to have to say no especially if it was right in front of me. I also went to a meeting Thanksgiving night. Make sobriety your number one priority and do whatever is necessary to maintain it right now. You may have to power through this one but know that there is a solution in the 12 steps which will allow you to enjoy future holidays.

As far as what to tell someone who is pouring you a drink if you do end up in that spot? No thanks should suffice. You might be surprised at how easy they take it and how much less normal people drink than you thought they did.

Best wishes and Happy Thanksgiving.

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Re: How to deal with Thanksgiving and all the alcohol

Post by Cynbad » Thu Nov 26, 2015 7:15 am

Thanks for the tips, all. I'm reading them carefully.

Thanks,
Cynbad

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Re: How to deal with Thanksgiving and all the alcohol

Post by Service » Sun Feb 18, 2018 4:19 pm

Holidays and people don't get us drunk - Alcohol does ! A.A promise to some "Self seeking will slip away" "We will intuitively know how to handle situations that use to baffle us "

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Re: How to deal with Thanksgiving and all the alcohol

Post by Greywolf » Wed Apr 25, 2018 12:37 pm

Cynbad wrote:What do you say to someone who is pouring you a drink and be polite?

Thanks, but No Thanks. I'm not drinking today.

The problem for me usually is dealing with the insistence that I have a drink after saying "No Thank you." Right or wrong, I stop being concerned with politeness at that point.

Preparation before hand is as important if not more so than what to say in the moment.
1. Choose whether I'm going to drink that day or not. Choosing to not drink is easy first thing in the morning.
2. Ask God as I understand her for help in staying away from a drink that day.
3. Promise myself if it's still this bad tomorrow, I can make a different choice.

After making the choice and asking for help, I find myself willing to do anything and everything necessary to stay away from that first drink. Oddly enough knowing I can make a different choice tomorrow, seems to take the urgency for a drink away.

Note to self: I love replying to these out of date topics that no one will read. I get to review what I did in the early beginning. Keeps the memory fresh.
I don't care how much you know until I know how much you care.

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Re: How to deal with Thanksgiving and all the alcohol

Post by Brock » Wed Apr 25, 2018 1:08 pm

Note to self: I love replying to these out of date topics that no one will read. I get to review what I did in the early beginning. Keeps the memory fresh.
I like that note. But I think most who visit here use one of the tabs at the top listed like this - View unanswered posts • View unread posts • View new posts • View active topics, therefore any new post comes to the top, and yours is a welcome addition to the thread.

I also agree with this 100% - “The problem for me usually is dealing with the insistence that I have a drink after saying "No Thank you." Right or wrong, I stop being concerned with politeness at that point.” I have had people say “come on one won’t hurt,” little do they know.
2. Ask God as I understand her for help in staying away from a drink that day.
Referring to God as her will please the ladies here, and I believe that what put some who don’t believe in any God off in the first place, is the fact that the usual portrayal is an old white man with a beard. I prefer no description, it’s a power greater than us, looks have nothing to do with it.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Re: How to deal with Thanksgiving and all the alcohol

Post by Shoreline » Wed Apr 25, 2018 2:36 pm

Actually I'm glad this post came up as I have to deal with this in the next couple months. An extended family member is coming to visit. What do I do about him/ other family members, that know that I have "a problem with alcohol" but they think since I've been sober for a little while that I'm "cured" and can "drink socially" with them? I hate being pressured to drink or watch other people drink but in this situation I will probably have to deal with it.

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Brock
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Re: How to deal with Thanksgiving and all the alcohol

Post by Brock » Wed Apr 25, 2018 6:28 pm

I can remember these sorts of fears in the early months of sobriety, things like a family wedding I couldn’t get out of, and even though my wife got pretty drunk and lost the car keys, I still came through fine. We have this tendency to worry about the times we think will be a challenge, but I have experience and have heard the experience of many, that these times are not the problem, it’s when we least expect that there will be a problem we drop our guard. Like in the book the story of the accountant, away on a business trip which went very well, then in ‘More About Alcoholism’ he says this - “My business came off well, I was pleased and knew my partners would be too. It was the end of a perfect day, not a cloud on the horizon.” Then wham-o without much thought he had a drink and ended up flat on his backside, the story demonstrates the cunning side of alcohol, when you least expect it, it bites.

Once you tell your guest that it’s not something you are ‘cured’ from he should understand and be supportive, and being with people while they drink usually isn’t as big a deal as we fear, but I find I have little patience if they start acting foolish. So we make an excuse and leave them be, and next morning we are the ones feeling fine, try not to let this worry you, it will be fine.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Re: How to deal with Thanksgiving and all the alcohol

Post by Service » Sat Jun 30, 2018 5:43 pm

Holidays don't get you drunk Alcohol does !

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Re: How to deal with Thanksgiving and all the alcohol

Post by Alexendra Berehnova » Wed Aug 28, 2019 4:37 am

I think holidays & people don't get us drunk . Alcohol does !
It all depends on us how to deal with them & how make our holidays more joyful as sober !!

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Re: How to deal with Thanksgiving and all the alcohol

Post by ebear » Wed Aug 28, 2019 8:24 am

What do you say to someone who is pouring you a drink and be polite?

Don't confuse people-pleasing with being "polite." Yes, please, and No, thank you, are equally polite. Oh, how we people-pleasers recoil from the idea of disappointing others! =biggrin

If someone presses me, I usually have 2 responses. If I do not know them well, I just look them in the eye and say again, a little more slowly, "No, thank you." If I know them, I might say, "I used to drink, but I was no good at it." They usually get the message and laugh with me."
If you don't change direction, you'll end up where you're headed.

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