How do I tell my sponsor and group I went out drinking again?

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Help needed
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How do I tell my sponsor and group I went out drinking again?

Post by Help needed » Sun Oct 27, 2019 5:29 am

I've been going to my home group for over 5 years now and I went out drinking on Friday night. I was a complete mess, it's like I picked up were I left off. I'm the treasurer of my group so it's really important I tell my group that I drank. How do I tell my sponsor and the group??

I'm still emotional and hungover from the whole thing so my self pity levels and self hatred are quite high.

Help please!

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Brock
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Re: How do I tell my sponsor and group I went out drinking again?

Post by Brock » Sun Oct 27, 2019 6:21 am

This always seems so hard when it happens, it has happened to me and others here, I know, because we speak about this subject quite often.

In my case it was the best thing that could have happened, and I learned a lot from it. If your sponsor is not absolutely supportive and sticks by your side, then they are not a good sponsor, same with the group, every decent and knowledgeable AA member knows these things happen, there is a saying in AA about not shooting our wounded, you just need to pluck up the courage and tell them. Maybe offer to give up the treasurer position, I expect they will say no, please keep it, but if they think you should, then give it up for the time being.

Some slip and stay slipped, you have gotten back up immediately, that is the good news among the bad. For me the main thing was learning from the mistake, in my case I realized I was trying to do what the book says is impossible, stay sober without full use of the steps, especially #11 and that fit spiritual condition. I thought sobriety was mainly about attending meetings, and I was absolutely wrong.

Please be brave and go forward, they will understand, and you will survive this and learn from it.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

Help needed
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Re: How do I tell my sponsor and group I went out drinking again?

Post by Help needed » Sun Oct 27, 2019 6:58 am

Thank you. I know I must do what is right and what isn't easy. I just don't know how. I think I better pray for courage.

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avaneesh912
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Re: How do I tell my sponsor and group I went out drinking again?

Post by avaneesh912 » Sun Oct 27, 2019 7:25 am

I would suggest you go back to the group pick up the the surrender chip again find a different sponsor who can help you realize the powerlessness and un-manageability concepts laid out in the big book. Perhaps it will help you stay on the beam permanent basis. Be grateful that you could stop and have the realization that its not working and came out of it and not lost forever.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Re: How do I tell my sponsor and group I went out drinking again?

Post by Layne » Sun Oct 27, 2019 8:44 am

I would do it with my heart, honesty, and as few of words as possible. When I admit to something that I would rather not admit to, if I find myself starting to use too many words, it seems opens the door to justifications which weakens both my admission of poor behavior and my resolve to not repeat such behavior in the future..

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Re: How do I tell my sponsor and group I went out drinking again?

Post by Help needed » Sun Oct 27, 2019 8:59 am

I couldn't call my sponsor but I did message her. Coward's way out I know, but she called me straight back and I told her what I done. I sounded so sheepish on the phone and I couldn't even really describe why I drank and what my thought process was.

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Re: How do I tell my sponsor and group I went out drinking again?

Post by Layne » Sun Oct 27, 2019 9:21 am

Help needed wrote:
Sun Oct 27, 2019 8:59 am
way out
These are the key words in your post. You are on the correct path and on your way out of the situation of drinking on Friday night. Keep moving forward.

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Re: How do I tell my sponsor and group I went out drinking again?

Post by Help needed » Sun Oct 27, 2019 10:35 am

I'm going to a meeting this evening, I'm so scared, but I don't know what I'd do without getting in touch with members of AA and my sponsor.

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Brock
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Re: How do I tell my sponsor and group I went out drinking again?

Post by Brock » Sun Oct 27, 2019 10:48 am

Well done, go confidently, they will understand that these things happen even to the best of us, you will feel much better, and they will support you getting back on track.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Re: How do I tell my sponsor and group I went out drinking again?

Post by tomsteve » Sun Oct 27, 2019 11:24 am

April 17

Daily Reflections

LOVE AND FEAR AS OPPOSITES

All these failings generate fear, a soul-sickness in its own right.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 49

"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there." I
don't know to whom this quote should be attributed, but it certainly
indicates clearly that fear is an illusion. I create the illusion myself.
I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly thought that the
mere presence of it made me a coward. I didn't know that one of the
definitions of "courage" is "the willingness to do the right thing in
spite of fear." Courage, then, is not necessarily the absence of fear.
During the times I didn't have love in my life I most assuredly had
fear. To fear God is to be afraid of joy. In looking back, I realize
that, during the times I feared God most, there was no joy in my life.
As I learned not to fear God, I also learned to experience joy.

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PaigeB
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Re: How do I tell my sponsor and group I went out drinking again?

Post by PaigeB » Sun Oct 27, 2019 1:13 pm

Help needed wrote:
Sun Oct 27, 2019 10:35 am
I'm going to a meeting this evening, I'm so scared, but I don't know what I'd do without getting in touch with members of AA and my sponsor.
Let us know how it goes. Trust me - you are not the only one who has done this! Your group may desire another Treasurer for the time being, but you will see their wisdom. You can be Treasurer again in the future! (((hugs)))
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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Re: How do I tell my sponsor and group I went out drinking again?

Post by Help needed » Sun Oct 27, 2019 1:26 pm

The meeting was sorely needed and very glad I went. I tried my best to keep my ears open and to keep a hold of the little hope I got. To be honest, I was in need of a hug too which I thankfully received.

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PaigeB
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Re: How do I tell my sponsor and group I went out drinking again?

Post by PaigeB » Sun Oct 27, 2019 1:37 pm

Help needed wrote:
Sun Oct 27, 2019 1:26 pm
The meeting was sorely needed and very glad I went. I tried my best to keep my ears open and to keep a hold of the little hope I got. To be honest, I was in need of a hug too which I thankfully received.
So glad for you! Now get back to working the Steps - all over again if necessary! Take care and keep coming here! We are 24/7/365 contact with other alkies! :x :) :D =wink :cry: :shock: =biggrin :P :wink: :mrgreen: :x :o =smile :shock: 8)
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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avaneesh912
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Re: How do I tell my sponsor and group I went out drinking again?

Post by avaneesh912 » Sun Oct 27, 2019 8:10 pm

I couldn't even really describe why I drank and what my thought process was.

Fred the accountant story is a great one,where he reflects how the slip happened:

As soon as I regained my ability to think, I went carefully over that evening in Washington. Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever against the first drink. This time I had not thought of the consequences at all. I had commenced to drink as carelessly as though the cocktails were ginger ale. I now remembered what my alcoholic friends had told me, how they prophesied that if I had an alcoholic mind, the time and place would come—I would drink again. They had said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink. Well, just that did happen and more, for what I had learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all. I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots.

***---*****
In the fellowship we get misled by those cliches "think through the drink" "call your sponsor before you take a drink not after"....we share as though the alcoholic has a choice in his/her drink, when we dont.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Spirit Flower
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Re: How do I tell my sponsor and group I went out drinking again?

Post by Spirit Flower » Tue Oct 29, 2019 6:06 pm

Good job.
...a score card reading zero...

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