Does my OH need help?

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Does my OH need help?

Postby Belinda_White » Mon Oct 02, 2017 2:58 am

Hi there,
I don't know if I am over reacting or I would appreciate some advice from people who know whether my OH has a problem and what to do about it.
My OH has always been a heavy drinker, but recently he's been drinking more and more. He admits he is depressed (he has a stressful life) so I guess that's part of it but says he doesn't need to seek help. He doesn't drink in the week but at weekend will drink 6 - 12 pints of beer and 1 - 2 bottles of wine and sometime spirits too. He will drink till he passes out and I can't wake him up which really worries me. He also sometimes loses control of his bladder and will sleep in wet jeans (guessing too drunk to wake up). The thing is he can stay sober all week (but then doesn't sleep well). I guess I am just worried about him and don't know what to do for the best. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
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Re: Does my OH need help?

Postby avaneesh912 » Mon Oct 02, 2017 5:32 am

Seems like it. But unfortunately your OH needs to arrive at a decision whether he wants to stay sober. Then others can help.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Does my OH need help?

Postby Brock » Mon Oct 02, 2017 7:22 am

The thing is he can stay sober all week (but then doesn't sleep well).

I was like that for a long while, called myself a 'weekend warrior,' no real problem stayed sober during the week kept the job. But there was a real problem, since I really didn't enjoy life during the week, and was just waiting for the weekend relief that booze would bring. Others around me had the same sort of job and also looked forward to weekends, relaxing at home, doing a couple chores, maybe go fishing or some other hobby, I would joke that my hobby was drinking.

For many of us we gave in to drinking all week, and lost a lot, and as avaneesh indicated, it's only when he sees that the life he is living could be lived better without the drink, that he might make the decision to moderate or stop altogether. And it's only if he tries to stop or moderate and can't, that he may have the sort of problem the AA program is designed to overcome, the bad news is we don't like our wives telling us we should stop.

When he is in a decent mood where he might be receptive, all you can really do is suggest that such drinking is not normal and maybe he should look into the AA program himself. Also, there is a sister program for spouses and family members you can find here - you will see a link to find meetings. Going to a couple of those, will not only help you get information and advise from others in a similar boat as yourself, but maybe when he sees the extent you are willing to go to in trying to help and understand, he might be encouraged to try AA himself.

Thanks for caring enough to ask us here, and best of luck to you both.
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Re: Does my OH need help?

Postby Blue Moon » Mon Oct 02, 2017 1:53 pm

Hi Belinda,

If you’re worried about him, that alone is a problem. So by definition, there’s a problem.

IMO you’re not over-reacting, from what you described. For anyone to be passed out to such an extent that they wet themselves is a problem. For them to come around and not think that’s a problem, is a problem.

Regarding depression … alcohol is a depressant. But the individual who’s self-medicating depression with alcohol is just masking the problem. The alcohol doesn’t fix depression, it just makes the individual less able to “feel”, so it seems like the alcohol helps. But as the body increases its tolerance, more and more alcohol is needed to get the same effect. Eventually, this tolerance “tanks” and the individual can get drunk on just a small amount, basically as the liver begins to shut down and can no longer produce sufficient enzymes to handle the load.

Difficulty with sleep is another symptom. When the body is accustomed to being under anaesthetic, it cannot manage the rhythm properly when sleep is no longer being artificially induced.

The tricky part is getting him to realise there’s a problem. AA can’t help him unless & until he wants it. You can try talking to him when he's receptive, but be wary of "nagging" as he'll probably do the opposite. Others suggested Alanon to you, which may be a good idea.
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