I Want to Thank You Folks Here

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I Want to Thank You Folks Here

Postby JohnDaniels » Thu Aug 17, 2017 9:22 am

I joined the Online group here a few months back because I've been recovering from a cancer called Multiple Myeloma. I've been quite tired this past year and haven't been able to attend as many meetings as I normally have. I need the connection to AA to give and be of service. So I checked out several Online recovery discussion forums and this one appealed to me the most.

I've still worked the phones at home from Central Office. I like the midnight shift because that seems to be when the sickest alcoholics need help. The Chemo and radiation Therapies have made me worn down so some of the guys I sponsor have volunteered to drive me on 12 Steps calls when I'm too tired to drive. Although I have never gone on a 12 Step call alone. My guys drive me in the middle of the night to a call.

My point here is my gratitude. My beginning blood test showed a Protein Spike of 7. That has now been brought down to a .06 that is in the safe range. I have rarely lost my humor towards life thru all this. I view life as not being all happy all the time even though I usually smile out of habit and my gratitude. I disagree with many ministers because I see life as a series of pleasures and a series of pains. Like the number line we learned in math class and the way it effects the linear equation having to become equal on both sides of the equation. What ever happens to one side of the equation has to happen to the other side to have the correct balance.
I don't go thru life's pains being all happy happy but thru practice and self discipline I've learned to not go crazy over some emotional pain or physical pain and I spent allot of time in hospitals in the late 60's and early 70's for mental problems due to drinking and using. For the most part my life is balanced and I learn from life's pleasures and life's pains. There's a very useful AA saying I have practiced when going thru a pain "This too shall pass" and it does and I learn and move on.

Well I'm on some herbs and vitamins and am getting my energy back a little at a time, kind of like emotional growth and personal development "UHG UGH UGH!"

I really have to give the guys I sponsor so much credit, and so many thanks for their selflessness by bring meetings into my home during this past year. It's been like 20 guys 2 times a week in my living room with my wife making a giant pot of coffee. That kind of love and friendship is not easy to find outside of the rooms of AA. You find a friend that good, don't loose them. Nurture them. They don't come easy.

Every single one of the 12 Promises have lived themselves out thru my life ... every single one of them.

I have really come to admire and respect many of you folks here especially every newcomer I've shared with, and the old farts like positrac, desypete, Brock, paige, Noels, my California Pal ezdsit, and more but my memory is kind of punky right now. I bet allot of those folks fart dust like I do. Personal connections and friendships Online take time and patience and faith to develop so I have a ways to go here because I am only on here every few days and often hit and miss. But my original intent was to fill a gap in my AA recovery here. That has happened and I would enjoy to continue hanging around here with you folks even though my improving energy will allow me to start going to my regular meetings again, like Hank used to say God Willin' and the Creek Don't Rise

Peace
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Re: I Want to Thank You Folks Here

Postby PaigeB » Thu Aug 17, 2017 10:16 am

Super happy to hear about your health & healing! You have meant a lot to me and I am sure that your face to face area is ever grateful for your service and are likely grateful to serve as well. You lent them some good tools!

WE are glad to have you too. Did you know that e-aa also has email and live chat meetings? Yup. Also the wider online community has Skype & phone and all number of different languages. You know in case you wake up speaking French ^#*+@#*!!

Either way, Keep Coming Back here - we have come used to seeing you in your usual "chair" here at the tables. :P
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: I Want to Thank You Folks Here

Postby Brock » Thu Aug 17, 2017 10:54 am

Good to hear that your recovery is progressing as it should, that post is great testimony to the power of the AA program, also the kind words regarding this site are welcome and appreciated.

Those who have been regulars here for some years have seen quite a few others come and go, like a regular meeting I guess we have those who drift away, but we are happy when they reappear. Recently I was a little concerned that the site was fading, as members were not posting as regularly as they used to, I expect that some others might have had the same concerns. Then we got a few new members like yourself, and I see stacylou and Cristy, among others bringing the traffic back up, it puts a smile on this old west Indians face. Like yourself I checked a few online communities before settling on this one, it's become a mainstay of my AA program, and especially seeing newcomers who have questions which we might assist with, and then seeing them write about their progress and trials, it's good AA right here, and we are lucky to have folks like you as part of it.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: I Want to Thank You Folks Here

Postby Spirit Flower » Thu Aug 17, 2017 2:23 pm

Thanks John
...a score card reading zero...
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Re: I Want to Thank You Folks Here

Postby Patsy© » Tue Sep 19, 2017 1:50 am

That is so good to read that your health is improving John. What a powerful read you have put here. I have loved reading your posts here John, they are filled with wonderful and positive Experience, Strength and Hope. I have found myself looking for your posts to read when I come here and I am so deeply grateful that you are here at this site. What a powerful example of recovery you are John.
Thank you and God Speed.
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Re: I Want to Thank You Folks Here

Postby JohnDaniels » Tue Sep 19, 2017 2:32 am

Thank you Patsy. =biggrin

My energy and strength are coming back like my personal development has been in AA recovery ... a little at a time. Clancy describes it as an incremental spiritual awakening that you don't get all at once. The shock would be too much for us so we get it little at a time like "UGH! ... UGH! ... UGH!"

Most days I feel the improvement. But the bad days really take their toll on me but I keep in mind "This to shall pass" and it does. I realize God did not bring me this far to drop me on my backside. But I still can get cranky in my physical pain so I excuse myself to my den away from others and talk with God, after all we are not saints!

I have the support and love of a wonderful wife of 37 years, the support and love of our children and the children we have adopted over the years who stop by to visit me, the love and support and the need of my grandkids and my great grandkids who I love them to need me, the love and support and friendship of the guys I sponsor who either email me everyday or call or visit me. Then I have my home group and the love and support of AA members like you guys here that means the world to me. We have these 3 small Yorkies and 2 Dobermans who always greet me so happily. I think "I wish I was the man my dogs think I am."

I worked in an alcoholic treatment center in the late 1970's and they often sent me to seminars. Of all the seminars I attended back then, the one that has stuck with me the most was on our three needs that begin at birth. In that seminar the speaker said, "The three most important things in life for any human being from the time we are born are to be *needed, wanted and loved*."

I bet I've thought of that every day since then and have included it in my relationships with others so they feel needed, wanted, and loved. That's a long way from the boxing ring and the bar fights I got into back in my drinking daze. I feel good about it.

Thank you
JohnDaniels

"Don't you mean Jack Daniels? No. When you've been friends of Jack as long as I was, you can call him John"
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Re: I Want to Thank You Folks Here

Postby Noels » Tue Sep 19, 2017 11:32 am

Heya John -Jack :D
My apologies for not responding to your pm about 3 months ago. I was having a horrible spiritual experience so please accept a late welcome from me.
That was the time that I was communicating with a farmer and I believe you had a spiritual experience with a bright light with the same farmer?
Anyways I haven't received any response to my request for an investigation into the site OR details on who to make the request to although I sent the request to all the moderators, admin and yourself. So I'm just checking if you actually received the request?
Looking forward to hearing from you soonest.
Peace brother :D
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Re: I Want to Thank You Folks Here

Postby Brock » Tue Sep 19, 2017 1:27 pm

Anyways I haven't received any response to my request for an investigation...

Noels, please rest assured that your request was received by all, and a discussion is just being completed. You will know a little later today of the groups decision.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: I Want to Thank You Folks Here

Postby Chelle » Tue Sep 19, 2017 7:23 pm

Glad to hear you are feeling better John. It is inspiring how much you do for AA despite your illness. You have been such a positive influence around here. You have a remarkable ability to turn things over to God. I am slowly learning from dust farters like you. :lol: I enjoy reading your posts
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Re: I Want to Thank You Folks Here

Postby JohnDaniels » Tue Sep 19, 2017 8:13 pm

I try to stay on topic but for the purpose of clarification I'll re-tell a story about an experience I had in my early sobriety in the summer of 1979:

It wasn't long into sobriety that I found if I was going to actually live in this world and stay sober I was going to have to make some painful and necessary changes.

Fear and resentment were eating me alive until I came into AA and took that journey inward aka personal inventory. I'm not going to re-live the things that made me a walking maniac filled with rage. We all know how that feels and what it does to our lives and the lives of everyone we come in contact with. I quickly learned what and where my personal boundaries are. I like to consider things in visual terms. So I think of personal boundaries similar to standing inside of a 36" diameter hoola hoop on the ground, then someone comes along and lays their 36" hoola hoop over the top of mine. They've stepped inside my personal boundaries or vice versa. The thing that healed me took time to learn, to live the steps in my life. It took patience and faith from a loving and caring sponsor and learn that love is something I give, not something I take.

First it took a belief in a power greater than myself. Then turning my will and my life over to that power greater than myself. Then it took a brutally honest personal inventory. But there was more work to be done because I had an emotional pain caused from losses and a resentment eating me alive.

I read where I ought to pray for the person I had the resentment against. That was my previous wife who had recently taken her own life in a drug overdose. But when I tried praying for her, I found I could not. My heart was breaking. Every time I tried it I just came unglued with rage like "Yeah! I pray that the rotten so and so suffers! I was a good husband! Our kids and I loved her with all our hearts! She had no right to leave us!!!" This angst is often normal grieving. So I prayed for the ability to pray for the person I resented so badly. It took time. Every night driving home from work down that long stretch of highway I prayed for that ability to pray for her. Driving down that highway I imagined having conversations in my thoughts and meditation with God as I understand God just as if I were talking to someone who knew everything about me and still loved me anyway. A prayer.

One night on a drive home I was in the middle of a prayer, meditation with God when a huge bright light came on in a field by the highway. Now you need to remember I was new in AA, a few months and was I very hopeful as I had just discovered my own power greater than myself. At first I thought God was right there making his presence known to me. My chest sank down to my stomach. I said in my humorous tone with tongue in cheek "Oh yeah baby! This is what happened to Bill Wilson! The bright lights and the wind rushed through the room! Oh just wait till my sponsor hears about THIS!!! Yeah he thinks HE'S spiritual! Just wait 'til he hears me myself and I had a personal audience with God himself!". Because my sponsor was very spiritual. He was a 1st generation AA who had been 12 Stepped by Bill W. Then I realized the light was a farmer turning his generator and spot light on to work his crops. I said to God "Oh you think you're real funny don't you". My sponsor and I had a big laugh over it and he said "Out of the mouths of babes ..."

What I learned from that silly light incident was to not take myself so serious and to start letting go.

In short order I was able to pray for the person I had such a deep resentment over. I was able to say the words "May she have all the happiness in the Heavens and the world. God, this hatred is really kicking my ass and I need you to help me. I just don't have the ability right now to honestly let this rage go. I want to but I need your help. God I'm hurtin'. This hatred is controlling my life and I know you don't want me to be like this. Help me get past this hate and on to forgiveness. Take my hatred from me and replace it with your will for me. We both know what Hank said about taking these chains from my heart and setting me free. But I just can't let my rage and hate go. I want to but I just can't let her go! So I pray for all the happiness I'd like in my life to take place in the spirit of (my previous wife I was so angry at name with-held)."

Little by little my rage hatred melted away. I think if it had all been taken from me all at once and replaced all at once with love, the shock would have been too much for my system to adjust to all at once. So it was little by little until one day I noticed I was smiling and happy and had truly been set free. It was like someone had opened the gates of hell and set me free.

I learned that I had a set of twins inside of me - the twin of Hate and the twin of Love. When one's asleep the other one's awake. Today the twin of Love is so much more awake in me than the twin of Hate has ever been. For me it has come about likely due to the self discipline in forgiveness and prayer and the hope for the best for others. That's all I can do, clean up my own side of the street and trust God. Sometimes it is not simply all that easy but it is something I know I have to do by taking those actions for my own sobriety and serenity. Those actions turn into a habit. Then the habit turns into a way of life. Then to keep it I have to give it away.
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Re: I Want to Thank You Folks Here

Postby JohnDaniels » Tue Sep 19, 2017 8:19 pm

Chelle wrote:Glad to hear you are feeling better John. It is inspiring how much you do for AA despite your illness. You have been such a positive influence around here. You have a remarkable ability to turn things over to God. I am slowly learning from dust farters like you. :lol: I enjoy reading your posts



Chelle you have me laughing myself to tears here, literally! Thank you for being you

Hey Chelle, I think you've been around long enough that you just might be fortunate enough to be approaching that dust farting stage. Ha ha. Yeah they used to call us Bleeding Deacons, then Elder Statesman, but I like your term allot better "Dust Farters".
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Re: I Want to Thank You Folks Here

Postby Noels » Tue Sep 19, 2017 9:33 pm

Good morning beautiful people :D thank you Jack-John. I received communication from our latest moderator Brock that my shares will not be re-posted. I'm still waiting for a response to my request for an investigation and other information in that particular pm please.
Love your share/story. I can relate. See..... ive walked closely with God since the day i was born so my 'problem ' was not the "God issue' when I joined AA. God was never missing from my life. My 'problem ' now is wondering whether this particular situation which I have been presented with falls under the 'God will only do for me what I can't do for myself ' ..... and the answer to that I will clearly only know as I proceed to 'do for myself ' under God's guidance.

Have an awesome day.
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