Ultimate Denial or just run of the mill

Got an issue with someone or something? Want to whine a little? Here's the place to do it, or to get to know folks, or ask those questions that don't fit anywhere else.

Ultimate Denial or just run of the mill

Postby BattleNarc » Fri Aug 11, 2017 2:40 pm

My ex and I met in rehab 7 years ago and also started AA just after. I remain sober but she couldn't, As her behaviour deteriorated and Interaction with AA became very messy I struggled to cope , whilst also caring for her young son.
The common phrase used by over 20 of her short lived sponsors was "she just doesn't get it"
Through her psychologist , gp, and various councillors it became certain she has NPD and many of its sidekicks. I found her cheating one day with other members in full act. With great pain we sent her home to the uk and she refused to speak with me again. Fast forward another few years she's shown up out of the blue telling everyone that I'm now jealous of her because she is sober and I'm not. I understand this condition so much more than I ever wanted to but has anyone else had this kind of crazy on top of what we all know is cunning baffling and now the first person I've come across that sees sobriety as a competition ? I already had great anxiety and now it's making attendance even harder as she deliberately came straight back to all the groups I used to attend. Call me crazy I thought the group goal was to help everyone.

Thoughts ?
Forums Newcomer
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2017 6:56 pm

Re: Ultimate Denial or just run of the mill

Postby Brock » Sat Aug 12, 2017 7:16 am

Welcome here. One of the things I like about online AA is that we can ask opinions on issues we couldn't bring up at 'ordinary' meetings.

I hope someone else can offer an opinion on this, I just wanted to say welcome and wish you the best in what certainly is a very delicate and mixed up situation. Also, you might consider staying away from meetings for a while, unless there are others you can get to that she wouldn't normally attend. After 7 years the steps should be 'grooved,' and maintaining sobriety not dependent on meetings, but that's just my experience and opinion. Best of luck in sorting this out.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
User avatar
Forums Coordinator
Posts: 3489
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Re: Ultimate Denial or just run of the mill

Postby clouds » Sun Aug 13, 2017 8:03 am

I had a similar problem years ago. My x husband began to attend all the meetings and the alano club I had always gone to shortly after he left. He was often seen with a 'new woman' and they both lived a long distance from my area of the city, which made me think he must be doingthis for his own selfish reasons. I was able to avoid making comments to anybody about it and I backed off those meetings and the club for a year. They both vanished to other areas fairly quickly.
Recently I had a reason to recall that I had sobered up a a few years before he did and just the other day my daughter mentioned something that led me to believe he seems to have been saying something not true in that regard. I just let those things go by without commenting.
I feel its not important to make myself look better or to get all indignant. If I'm right with my Higher Power and I'm sober, what others believe isn't really my business. There are some old sayings like: 'it will all come out in the wash', and 'what goes around comes around' and 'those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Its our own sobriety we have to watch after and sometimes getting over involved in proving I was right, or righter just is a sign that I'm wanting to play selfrighteousness over others. It matters little what I am seen as in other people's vision, its staying sober myself that has got to be the priority.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
User avatar
Forums Long Timer
Posts: 943
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 11:45 am
Location: España

Re: Ultimate Denial or just run of the mill

Postby PaigeB » Sun Aug 13, 2017 8:51 am

Some people think we live life in a straight line - somebody is ahead and somebody is behind. Competition style.

Luckily we live on the broad highway and walk shoulder to shoulder. Live in your Truth and rumors cannot hurt you.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
User avatar
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 7635
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Ultimate Denial or just run of the mill

Postby positrac » Mon Aug 14, 2017 2:32 am

Changing people, places and things only prolongs things and eventually it catches up and the jig is up! But I am of the belief that if someone is darkening my door then I need to act fast and remove that problem because I don't need to drink over stupidity that maybe I could of prevented.

Step back and look at the situation and see what you can do to be the bigger one and just move on. The other point I will say is misery is optional and though all stories have "sides" it is you that must find peace.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.
User avatar
Trusted Servant
Posts: 1258
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:03 am

Return to If It Doesn't Fit Anywhere Else

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests