Deplorables

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Re: Deplorables

Postby Doddering Moron » Fri Sep 29, 2017 6:15 pm

I'm shocked to hear that women are now being sexually assaulted in the Alano Clubs.

These clubs aren't going to be around much longer.
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Re: Deplorables

Postby cristis » Thu Nov 02, 2017 4:44 pm

michmjon wrote:The worst is when these men start talking about their exes- I've heard comments such as "the Expletive," "the slut" and the "money-grabbing whore." One gentleman in particular is very vocal about his ex, constantly talking her down for kicking him out of the house and calling her some very nasty things which I will not mention in this post.


Foul language should not be tolerated at these meetings, I agree. However, worst foul language I heard (also at an Alano club! but another town) came from two ..hmm hmm... "ladies". The f word was everywhere, and they were blaming their exes as well. I am more tolerant and it didn't really bothered me. But I don't like when men are sometimes constantly discriminated against with things that women do too.
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Re: Deplorables

Postby Soberguy27 » Tue May 22, 2018 8:54 pm

Your first sentence had the words Alan club which was enough for me. These places in my opinion are really a joke. There is so much bad behavior that is just ignored and it really sickens me. There are about four Albano clubs in my area and they are all the same. It's like they pride themselves as being a bad boy club. I once had someone say something to me because I am Latino and so I called him on it and the guy wanted to go outside and fight me and the others at this meeting wanted to watch. I walked away but this ass followed me shouting racial slurs. I kept walking until he turned me around and took a swing at me. So I defended myself which ended up with the guy getting his nose broken and the cops being called.
Now I am sure this isn't the norm at most Alano clubs but being that the bad behavior is not being addressed it is bound to happen again. Even though I was only standing up for myself then walked away and only took action when physically attacked, I was told that I was no longer welcomed at that Alano club. The man who attacked me was a long time member of that club and so the club sided with him. I no longer go to Alano club meetings. Luckily where I live there are a lot of meetings 7days a week. I am still bothered by this even though it happen about 5 years ago. It was the first time in my then 23 years of sobriety that I had ever gotten physical with anyone. Now at 28 years of sobriety I have gotten back serenity thanks to a good sponsor and my home group. I would suggest you find other meetings in your area and if there aren't any then start your own.
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Re: Deplorables

Postby philly25 » Wed Jul 25, 2018 12:32 pm

I can very much relate to this post. It's tough - as a young man in AA, I was raised in a tough town and then got sober in AA in the same tough town. I realize how impressionable I can be, so I mimicked those behaviors I saw in meetings. Each day I try to shed those beliefs and make amends where I can.

There are a lot of tough guys and Archie Bunker-types in the meetings I go to. I've learned over the years to, like other people said, vote with my feet as much as I can, and also realize I can't control them. Also, there are jerks everywhere - you can't argue with every jerk in the world.

I try to rise above it. In the end, people like that are just hurting themselves.

Most importantly, I don't want that kind of sobriety.
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Re: Deplorables

Postby Greywolf » Wed Jul 25, 2018 1:06 pm

Perhaps we should have requirements for membership. No jerks, no swearing, no socially unacceptables, no low-bottom drunks, etc.

There are more meetings than I can get to going to a different one every week in the relatively small city I live in today. I found some that are just right for me. I have participated in starting a few groups.

But make no mistake jerks can be members of AA, the fact that some of us know better not withstanding.

Only after surfing the internet did I find what some mean when they say "Practice these principles in all our affairs." 13th stepping didn't originate in the Alano clubs.
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Re: Deplorables

Postby Brock » Wed Jul 25, 2018 2:48 pm

Most importantly, I don't want that kind of sobriety.

Well said, and welcome here philly25.

What I find unfortunate, especially in small communities like where I live, is that there is a limit to how much we can vote with our feet. No matter what meeting I go to, there is usually at least one person who rubs everyone else the wrong way, experienced AA’s can put up with bad behavior, but often new folks are looking for an excuse not to stay, and jerks provide a ready made one. Only yesterday I said in a meeting, that we are telling new people about going to any lengths to get what we have, so we better make what we have look attractive.
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Re: Deplorables

Postby Greywolf » Thu Jul 26, 2018 7:07 am

What I find unfortunate, especially in small communities like where I live, is that there is a limit to how much we can vote with our feet. No matter what meeting I go to, there is usually at least one person who rubs everyone else the wrong way, experienced AA’s can put up with bad behavior, but often new folks are looking for an excuse not to stay, and jerks provide a ready made one. Only yesterday I said in a meeting, that we are telling new people about going to any lengths to get what we have, so we better make what we have look attractive.

First, I really admire the kind of person this poster is -- even when I don't like what he has to say. =wink

"often new folks are looking for an excuse not to stay..." Early in my sobriety I was at a mtg and a speaker gave a ridiculous reason why he once got drunk. The guy next to me turned and without a hint of a smile said, "As good an excuse as any."

We don't have to "make what we have look attractive" to a newbie who is there because he/she has a desire to stop drinking. Getting up in the morning not needing a drink is very attractive to them. IMO a newbie who is looking for any reason to leave was coerced into coming in the first place and does not meet the only requirement for membership.

This is AA not the Jaycees. There will be a wide variety of personalities in our meetings. Some of us don't like jerks spoiling our nice meetings and demonstrate our spirituality by shunning them, talking about them, going on line and complaining about them.

I learned a great lesson in my early days when 2 guys with considerable sobriety walked up and started a conversation with "You know we don't like you, right?" I had no idea what to say so they continued, "We have something to say if you want to hear it." I nodded, yes, and they continued. "You ride by yourself and come to meetings by yourself. You will have a better chance at staying sober if you go to meetings with other alcoholics."

I got 2 things out of that conversation. First don't be a loner and second, real AAers don't judge who they help by whether they like them or not.

Use some of that so-called spirituality that some of us pride ourselves in having to befriend someone if only at a meeting. Jerks are jerks for some unseen reason. Maybe being a jerk is sending those of us being jerks in their own way a message -- that they don't need our better-than-thou attitude to survive.

We are so knowledgeable to say, "Drinking is but a symptom." then act like those with a malady that drinking once covered are to be shunned and gossiped about. Make a note here. Maybe our particular brand of spirituality is not attractive enough to have some people we call jerks, want it.
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Re: Deplorables

Postby Brock » Thu Jul 26, 2018 8:29 am

A new person joins our group, and in his first post speaks about his experience with ‘jerks.’ The first member to welcome him, does so by pissing all over his observations, starting not with the traditional welcome to e-AA which every newcomer gets, but rather with the statement - “Perhaps we should have requirements for membership. No jerks, no swearing, no socially unacceptables, no low-bottom drunks, etc.”

As soon as I saw this I welcomed the new member, and gave my experience about a similar problem which exists in my area, to show solidarity and agreement with the new man.

Now this fellow pisses all over my post as well, with a response about ‘better than thou attitude,’ and assumptions that myself and others like me “don't like jerks spoiling our nice meetings and demonstrate our spirituality by shunning them, talking about them, going on line and complaining about them.”

We, the moderators here, have appealed to this member on several occasions, to tone down his attacking attitude, and have had to edit out insults from some of his posts. The fact that he is still allowed to post here, shows that rather than “shunning them,” we are showing great patience with jerks.
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Re: Deplorables

Postby Layne » Thu Jul 26, 2018 9:02 am

What works to help me in my recovery, is to make sure that I have a mirror for self reflection close by when reading many posts on this forum.
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Re: Deplorables

Postby PaigeB » Thu Jul 26, 2018 10:07 am

Jerks... Did you ever stop and think how terrible it must be to live in that person's skin? If ANYONE needs some Love & Kindness - or even just gentle tolerance it is the Jerk.

...this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived.

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.

If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.

We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol.

This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."

We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one. BB pgs 66-67

And Thanks Layne - I won't forget to check the mirror! :wink:
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Re: Deplorables

Postby avaneesh912 » Thu Jul 26, 2018 10:43 am

Talking about not judging others and then calling people jerks. =confused
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Deplorables

Postby Layne » Thu Jul 26, 2018 12:52 pm

And Thanks Layne - I won't forget to check the mirror! :wink:

I definitely learn from listening to other people and have to come the conclusion that a fair amount of the meat in doing so is found in dissecting my reaction. :~)
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Re: Deplorables

Postby Greywolf » Thu Jul 26, 2018 1:25 pm

PaigeB wrote:Jerks... Did you ever stop and think how terrible it must be to live in that person's skin? If ANYONE needs some Love & Kindness - or even just gentle tolerance it is the Jerk.

Reminds me of something similar...
Children who deserve love the least are often the ones who need love the most.
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Re: Deplorables

Postby Blue Moon » Thu Jul 26, 2018 1:57 pm

Greywolf wrote:But make no mistake jerks can be members of AA, the fact that some of us know better not withstanding.

They can be members of AA. But to attend an AA meeting, certain expectations may be imposed. Not least because AA doesn't own the meeting venue.

Smoking is the typical example I see. If people want to smoke, they must go outside, sometimes even off-property. They have no right to decide the rules don't apply to them.
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