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I'm physically sick of my sister

Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 4:49 am
by leppimessiah
I don't know what to do...I'm a recovering alcoholic and have a twin sister using and drinking. She literally just came back from a week at an in-patient facility (I called 911) transitioning to out-patient and my mother stupidly gave her the car keys to "run errands." Guess what! She didn't come back. A million things are running through my mind. I was angry at my mother for enabling her and she's in denial of that. I feel horrible for her husband because all I want to say is "get a divorce while you're still young!" She is sick. She obviously doesn't want to stop and making ME sick, I can't even work without wanting to cry. I feel so disgusted with all the lies and manipulation. I wrote my sister a letter saying that I couldnt have her in my life until she gets well blah blah but for the first time I mean it. She hasn't come back to read it but I feel like I have to treat her as if she's dead. I'm looking for places to move out because everyone is in denial and they are all enablers. They never give her any consequences. And now I'm even thinking that I want to relieve myself of this pain. This is too much. Any advice?

Re: I'm physically sick of my sister

Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 5:02 am
by avaneesh912
If you cant fix it, get out of there. There is a 3rd alternative, be in that situation and go through the pain, but I hear you are not there yet. So, getting out is the best option.

Re: I'm physically sick of my sister

Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 5:28 am
by leejosepho
leppimessiah wrote:I don't know what to do...

... I'm looking for places to move out because everyone is in denial and they are all enablers ... even thinking that I want to relieve myself of this pain. This is too much. Any advice?
Stick close to your sponsor and others who *do* understand. That is what I have always done, and that is how and why we are all here for each other.

Re: I'm physically sick of my sister

Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 6:23 am
by Jaywalker Steve
Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."

We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.
Pg 67 Alcoholics Anonymous

If no human power could have relieved my Alcoholism, then none (including family) can relieve it for anyone else. I have to take these matters to my God and leave them there and go about doing AA to the best of my ability.

Re: I'm physically sick of my sister

Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 7:51 am
by Layne
My heart goes out to you.

There are some powerful tools in this situation which if used can help you to grow and learn. They are your present feelings and your past. Use both of them and do some role reversal on your own alcoholism and it's effect upon other people. Also rethink about how other people might have tried to help you and what effect did it have on you?

This period in time will pass. Will you use it to move forward, stay stagnant, or go backwards?

Stay close to people in the program. Work the program. You can do this.

Peace.

Re: I'm physically sick of my sister

Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:20 am
by leppimessiah
Thank you everyone for the support! I don't feel alone in this. I was at my wits end and finally talking to people who know what it's like alleviated the craziness in my head. I will continue using the program for sure...Today, I will speak with people from AA and Alanon. I'll do whatever it takes to help myself and let what happens to her happen. My mother feels like I'm abandoning my twin but I KNOW I'm not. I am just getting back my sanity. At this point there's nothing more I can do for someone who doesn't want the help so I have to let it go and focus on my recovery. Thanks everyone for the words. It helps sooo much!