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Re: My mother.

Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2016 11:48 am
by ann2
Hi Biker123,

I'm so glad you are here and posting. I guess you've looked at some of the other threads where Al-Anon is mentioned. I think for me, with my alcoholic father, going to Al-Anon helped me to feel okay with the common-sense response that you had -- to leave her to it, because what can you do?

Living with must be really difficult, however. I didn't have to experience that after high school. I think Al-Anon is helpful in first of all letting us know that we are not alone, and secondly in offering some great instant tips on how to handle day-to-day situations.

There's Al-Anon info available online at


Re: My mother.

Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2016 12:42 pm
by PaigeB
Have you tried Alanon?

She does not have to be sober for you to attend. You can help yourself and others through Alanon. It is possible for you to find peace. Maybe, when you find peace she will want what you have and maybe she will reach out herself.

Helping Mom is a little more complicated than that though. She knows about AA and she has to ask for help. Maybe you could call her sponsor or a woman in the program to come visit? You could call the hotline in your area and see if a woman might come to visit her. If she does not like the meetings, maybe she could start her own meeting with the help of a couple others! But the bottom line is that she has to be sick and tired of being sick and tired before she can reach of with enough desperation to make a go at the 12 Steps again.

Good luck and Godspeed!

Re: My mother.

Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2016 3:30 pm
by katherine7
Mike O wrote:I wonder if I could share something with you all and perhaps ask your advice.

My mother is an alcoholic. She will not admit to being one even though, in January, she spent three weeks in hospital with liver problems. She was warned by her doctors never to drink again or she will cause irreparable damage.
The thing is she enjoyed her drinking.It wasn't interfering in any way with her day to day life. My dad, who doesn't drink at all, has become used to her over the years. She drank virtually the whole day I'm told - she lives in Ireland with my dad, I live in the UK so I heard this from my sisters.
For years, I have tried to get her to see that she has a problem - even while failing to admit to or deal with my own alcoholism :D - but, she wouldn't have it. When she has visited me in the past I have on two occasions had to almost carry her home from the pub in broad daylight - I shudder at the memory.
As fate would have it, I was visiting mum and dad in Ireland when she was taken into hospital, and I spoke to her and dad about A.A. I got her a BB and asked her to read it. She doesn't understand it all and I suggested she go to A.A. meetings and perhaps find a sponsor who will help her.
The problem is she feels she is, to use her own words "better than those people" who go to A.A. meetings. She looks upon them as drunks, and feels superior to them. Therefore she will have no dealings with it.
She hasn't had a drink since January but spends virtually the whole day in bed. She has been diagnosed as suffering with depression by her doctor who has prescribed medication. This has helped somewhat, but she still maintains that "if I was drinking, I'd have none of this depression" My feeling is that if she keeps on just "not drinking", which is what she's effectively doing, she will eventually drink again once there has been sufficient time since her hospital visit.
My dad is at his wits end with her at this stage - in bed all day. I have suggested to him that he speaks with an A.A. member - he knows a few, it's a relatively small town - and asks advice.
The quandary is that she enjoyed her drinking and is not stopped of her own accord so she sees this as having had something taken from her, yet she does understand that if she continues drinking she will probably die. She's too proud or too much of a snob to go and mix with the town drunks in A.A.
So what do you guys think?

Your mother need a specialist psychological to persuade it to treatment.