Worn out!

[LosingGround]

I don't exist! Everything is circling around my husband. I'm tired... hurt... sad... I have to step back all the time... even if I struggle with my own personal problems too.
It's tough to be 'the hub' that holds it all together. Both our children are 'special-needs-children' and just to help them takes a lot of energy.

[Karl R]

Hello,

Thanks for coming here and sharing with us. Not sure what side of the coin you are on but I'm the alcoholic in the family and my wife was the hub in our family for many many years....

Sober...in the program of alcoholics anonymous I now understand a little bit of life through her eyes. In fact....last night over dinner we were talking about the tiredness she felt for many years dealing with life on life's terms within our family, which includes a special needs child. While I was actively drinking.

As I came to the program of alcoholics anonymous after about 25 years of marriage and drinking I was finally able to grow up and our married family life turned into a "we" instead of my wife having to slog uphill against the current of my selfishness/self-centeredness. As she says now..."Never give up".

Keep sharing with us. We are here to listen.

regards,
karl-alcoholic

[LosingGround]

Thank you so much for your response, Karl R! Your words are encouraging and giving a sense of hope. Sending good vibes to you and your family.

Hubby is at the beginning of taking in that he is an alcoholic. His doubts and denial comes and goes back and forth every day. I walk around like on eggshells ... waiting for the next explosion. He throws things around himself ... beats himself with things or hits his head on the floor / wall. He says he'll kill himself ... shouting and talking contradictions as he shows anger towards me.

Today I'm in tears. I have been unable to cry or really feel for weeks - felt as if my mind has been paralyzed. I'm tired!

[Karl R]

In telling your husband's story you've told at least part of my story.

The reality was that my wife was unable to affect my drinking/not drinking. The solution for me required the program of alcoholics anonymous.

What she WAS able to do was to take care of herself.

There is a fellowship, sort of a sister fellowship to alcoholics anonymous. It is called alanon. Their home page is here. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

Alanon is a fellowship of men and women, affected by someone else's drinking, who share their experience, strength, and hope on taking care of themselves and developing a spiritual fitness needed to deal in the type of situations you are describing.

What you describe, if I may be so bold, is that you may be powerless over your husband's drinking? Well this is part of the first step of alanon.

Check out their web site and see if there is anything there you identify with. You may find kindred spirits there.

regards,
Karl

[PaigeB]

Hi HI LosingGround! I am an alcoholic and the hub of my family. I struggle, but try anyway. I find myself saying all too frequently that "I am doing a program to change and be a better person! Why can't he?" I feel like I am doing it all by myself and he doesn't even HEAR me! My brain is off course. I need this program to keep me straight about what is real and what is made up in my mind by my fear based living of the past. My sponsor's perceptions are invaluable.

Also, my community, there are respite services available that come into the home and help. I hope there are some available in yours too.

[Blue Moon]

Hi,

The stress of living with a wet drunk is huge. The craziness drives you crazy. Even a sober alcoholic can be tough to live with.

I would also suggest giving Alanon a try, you should find understanding and support there.