I need your help I am KB sister

If you're not an alcoholic but have questions about AA, here's the place to ask them. Anyone may post messages and replies in this forum.
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Re: I need your help I am KB sister

Post by KB »

I have books and I went to the Alanon meetings years ago. I alos went to adult children, co dependency. I feel like i am now going backwards again. I am in counseling and I am angry that I have to go through this all over again. I feel like I am lost and I resent that the past is catching up to me again and I was so past all this stuff. Alanon I wish I could find one on line. I thought this site had it but I couldn't find it. I can't drive at night and there are limited meetings for Alanon. I feel ashamed of myself for praying that they keep Kenny in jail because I ddn't want him to die. He had alcholic poisioning three times in less than six months that is scary. Each time I had to keep him alive because he would sign himself out of ther hospital. Thanks for letting me vent.
I was triyng to do a private message to Joe H and I haven't figured it out yet can you explain how I can do this. I was able to do this with Karl but I can't remember how to do it. Thanks Diane

Joe H
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Re: I need your help I am KB sister

Post by Joe H »

Hi Diane, I have just sent you a PM. So all you should have to do is hit the reply.

I am going oout tonight but I will get back to any messages in the morning.

God Bless,


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Karl R
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Re: I need your help I am KB sister

Post by Karl R »

Hey Diane,

I sent a PM to you with the link where you can request a list of electronic alanon meetings.


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Re: I need your help I am KB sister

Post by kb1025 »

Hi Dianne,
I am new to this forum. I have been following your posts and I think you are a very unselfish and caring person. You have a strong commitment to helping your brother.
My only New Years Resolution for this year was "Just to a kinder, gentler, peson". I have a tendency to throw out "Hard Love". What I need in my life is more compassion than I have.
My last drink was on 19 February, 1979. I would never gotten sober unless the whole world just gave up on me.
Everyone always told me that I was a real nice person, except when I was drinking. I finally decided I was a real good drunk if it were not for all these people telling me I had to stop.
I finally lost my wife and sons, my family, my job, and all my money. I was all alone with no one to listen to my complaints.
It took me about 25 years, after I got sober, to finally honsestly and humbly ask my ex-wife and kids to forgive me for all the things I had done to them when I was drinking. The real fact was that they SAVED MY LIFE by leaving me. With no where else to turn and knowing I was going to die, I crawled to AA for help. I did not get back all those other people in my life for a long time. They were all just waiting for my next drunk.
One night, when I was drinking, I was on the bed and everything in the room was twirling around as if I was in a twister. I said to my self "I hope God does not let me die tonight", Then, as if unreal, the thought came to my head "This time he just might let you die". I was scared as hell and stayed up all night until the AA clubhouse opened. I walked in and with tears in my eyes I asked a man and woman to please help me just not drink. That was my first day of sobriety.
Just to be honest, I must tell you the other side of my story. 20 years later I was doing all I could to help my alcoholic older brother get sober. He was not as friendly as your brother. He had lost his job, but not his money or his wife. He hated me because I had used him so much while I was drinking. (I think he also resented my sobriety). He was forced to go to AA, but he was a hard-nosed Athiest. He would not even talk about God. He did not stay around AA long. On Jan 4th 2000, I got a early morning call from his wife; he had died drunk. I felt guilty, yet I was not surprised. Sometimes the worst thing you can do is enable too much. The way I finally dealt with his death was with a thought I got from Father Martin's talks. He said: "God loves all of us; the simplest prayers, like the ones we learned when we were little, are sometimes the most sincere; But the very best and simplest is "God, Please help me." I try to think that sometime in the middle of my brother's last hours on earth, he looked up to God and said; "God, Please Help Me". This gives me a little relief.
My dad was an alcoholic also. My momma went to AA, My momma did not believe in divorce. She decided the best thing for daddy, and her own sanity, was to move accross town to a small apartment. No one would tell daddy where it was. She would go by every few days and check up on him. She would make sure he had food and clean up the house. Daddy finally went to AA and got sober in December of 1978; just 2 months before me without my help. The really strange thing was that I was living in Texas and he was living in Georgia. There is no such thing as coincidences. God was in control.

I hope I have not offended you in any way.
God loves you and your brother.
Take care of yourself and let God take care of your brother.

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Re: I need your help I am KB sister

Post by JohnnyO4183 »

Hi KB: I think that it is time for you to let go of Kenny, stop accepting his collect calls, eventhough you feel bad about this, I think that it is time for Him to take responsibility for his actions, HE DRANK, you did not force him to do that did you. Also If you are feeling bad about this you should try to go to alanon to vent this or get some help. I think that is the best thing I can recommend at this time. other than that, you should not feel bad for this, the choice he made was his, all his, it is time that you also remember that one.
KB wrote:I am KB sister Diane I brought Ken to this site so he could get help. I taught him how to use the computer to do that. I also was his sponser which I did not want to be. Now I am in trouble emontionally due to Ken relapsing and back in jail. So I am going to vent with hopes someone can help me understand what my family wants from me now.

. Since I was little I always took care of my siblings . If I didn’t they would have been in foster care and we would all be split up. I watched all of them become alcoholics. In and out of jail, almost dead from alcohol poisoning and a life that was sad. I have always been the enabler. I always felt if they knew they were loved they would stop drinking, if I tried hard enough to make things right for them and got them the help they needed financially , medically,or write to judges whatever I could it would all get better.
Kenny was always my lost one, he was a bad ass and I knew under that he was a loving caring person. I had to make him see he was loved and he was worth something to someone. He trusted no one I had to prove I could be trusted. My family of course has been very involved in my attempts to save them all.

Everytime, they failed at staying sober I would get so sick and depressed because I always felt I failed them. I gave chance after chance and my family watched me fall apart. But the martyr I am kept going back for more.

I became disabled five years ago and started trying to keep myself going and doing everything I could to. move around so I didn’t become crippled. So my life was fighting for my life. Then I got a call that Kenny was arrested I let him sit in jail for awhile and gave it some thought. I finally bailed him out because I knew he would not run if I bailed him out. He needed medical attention he was pretty sick. Kenny promised not to drink if he could live with us. I did everything for him and he kept busy around the house painting and maintaining the yard. So it was great. I finally had his medical taken care of and he was doing so well. I helped him learn how to do meeting on line. I wrote to the judge and probation officer to get his sentenced reduced and his fines. My family provided all the things he needed. Food clothes etc. .Before that call no one called me unless they needed something and I would always say they don’t want me to see them this way. They would tell me they didn’t care about anyone but themselves
Ken became homeless and I almost had a breakdown my family let him come back with the understanding that he would not drink again in our home. It went well for awhile then he started slipping. I was covering it and he would promise it wouldn’t happen again. I was being drained because every time he would go for a ride on his bike I knew what I was going to face or have my family go through. I had planned a trip to see my son and he is in CT. Kenny got alcohol poisoning again and was almost dead. He was in the hospital and then once stable he signed himself out of the hospital took a cab here and I took care of him. Well he stayed sober for two weeks three days before I was going on my trip he went off. Stopped going to his probation meeting. I almost didn’t go on my trip and my family was furious. I went on my trip and my husband told Kenny you will no longer live here. He let him know he understood his sickness but he was not going to allow his sickness to become mine again. I came back early and spoke to Kenny and I had to tell him, I could not take him back he needed to find a place to live, a shelter, rehab or something that I was done. I loved him and would help him when he started sobering up and helped himself. Well his probation officer violated and he is now in jail. They found him under a tree drunk in 105 degree weather. So the person that called the police thinking he was dead he hates them. They saved his life by making the call.

I have so many mixed feelings, part of me is happy he is in jail and safe but at 52 and all his medical problems, he is not the tough guy he used to be. Once he became sober and the collect calls are coming and I am tired of my family paying the price when I get sick over Kenny being drunk. His sickness is making all of us sick. My family cannot understand that I want to be in court for him and I want to still help him. He has to know that I am hear he has no one else. I am going to write to the judge to see if they will put him in rehab. I know he can’t live here. I don’t think I want to go through all that again. I have to set limits and boundaries but I don’t know how. My family does not want me to go to court they say I have done enough and he knows I care I don’t have to put myself through court and try to walk a distance that will put me in a lot of pain. But, what do I do.? I can’t turn my feelings on and off. Am I sicker than him? My family wants me to talk to someone. I made an appointment to see someone but is wrong with me loving my brother, wanting to be there for him. I need some help with these answers. I can not believe he does not care about anyone but himself. I love my siblings. I am not an alcoholic my husband has been sober 30 years.

Any help is greatly appreciated I am hanging myself with my family. My husband and never argue and here we are doing over someone else. And I am the cause of it not Kenny,

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