Question

If you're not an alcoholic but have questions about AA, here's the place to ask them. Anyone may post messages and replies in this forum.
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skylar2797
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Question

Post by skylar2797 » Sat Sep 14, 2019 9:34 pm

Hi,
One of my best friends is currently in rehab. I was communicating with him almost daily while he was in jail and I visited him. However, his case manager looked at messages between us on Facebook and said she was banning contact between us because I have had issues with substance abuse. (They are much better now).
Is this legal? Or am I still allowed to write him letters? I told him I'd write him every day and send him a small care package, so I was hoping I could still do that. I completely support his recovery, so this was a pretty devastating blow to me.

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Jojo2
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Re: Question

Post by Jojo2 » Sun Sep 15, 2019 1:02 am

skylar2797 wrote:
Sat Sep 14, 2019 9:34 pm
Hi,
One of my best friends is currently in rehab. I was communicating with him almost daily while he was in jail and I visited him. However, his case manager looked at messages between us on Facebook and said she was banning contact between us because I have had issues with substance abuse. (They are much better now).
Is this legal? Or am I still allowed to write him letters? I told him I'd write him every day and send him a small care package, so I was hoping I could still do that. I completely support his recovery, so this was a pretty devastating blow to me.
Welcome to e-AA, Skylar.

We ask that you keep in mind that this is an AA group, and like most groups we welcome those who have problems with other addictions as well, but when writing here we must try to just speak about problems with alcohol.  
You do not state whether your problem is/was with alcohol abuse ?
Our Primary Purpose in AA is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
AA members “share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism”.

skylar2797
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Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Sep 14, 2019 9:30 pm

Re: Question

Post by skylar2797 » Sun Sep 15, 2019 1:10 am

Jojo2 wrote:
Sun Sep 15, 2019 1:02 am
skylar2797 wrote:
Sat Sep 14, 2019 9:34 pm
Hi,
One of my best friends is currently in rehab. I was communicating with him almost daily while he was in jail and I visited him. However, his case manager looked at messages between us on Facebook and said she was banning contact between us because I have had issues with substance abuse. (They are much better now).
Is this legal? Or am I still allowed to write him letters? I told him I'd write him every day and send him a small care package, so I was hoping I could still do that. I completely support his recovery, so this was a pretty devastating blow to me.
Welcome to e-AA, Skylar.

We ask that you keep in mind that this is an AA group, and like most groups we welcome those who have problems with other addictions as well, but when writing here we must try to just speak about problems with alcohol.  
You do not state whether your problem is/was with alcohol abuse ?
Our Primary Purpose in AA is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
AA members “share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism”.
My issues are with alcohol, my friend's are with other drugs.

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Jojo2
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Re: Question

Post by Jojo2 » Sun Sep 15, 2019 2:36 am

skylar2797 wrote:
My issues are with alcohol, my friend's are with other drugs.





Singleness of purpose means that we share one purpose, recovery from alcoholism through the 12 steps.
We are in AA to solve our COMMON problem, alcoholism.

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Brock
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Re: Question

Post by Brock » Sun Sep 15, 2019 4:57 am

Hello skylar.

In treatment, and also when someone is recovering with the help of a sponsor and AA meetings, it is often suggested to cut off contact with some people. It seems hard, but quite a few people have come here, and asked why a persons sponsor has said they must have no girl or boy friends in the first year. That never happened to me, because I was married and had run out of real friends who cared anyway. It’s nice that you care for him and wish to help, but these things are done so that he can concentrate on his sobriety and recovery only.

Therefore it may not be your past addiction which is causing them to say this, they may have done it even if you had a squeaky clean past. He knows you care and I am sure will not forget that, but as hard as it seems these things are done with his recovery in mind, you are a good friend for trying to help it’s not your fault you can’t.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

skylar2797
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Re: Question

Post by skylar2797 » Sun Sep 15, 2019 5:14 am

Brock wrote:
Sun Sep 15, 2019 4:57 am
Hello skylar.

In treatment, and also when someone is recovering with the help of a sponsor and AA meetings, it is often suggested to cut off contact with some people. It seems hard, but quite a few people have come here, and asked why a persons sponsor has said they must have no girl or boy friends in the first year. That never happened to me, because I was married and had run out of real friends who cared anyway. It’s nice that you care for him and wish to help, but these things are done so that he can concentrate on his sobriety and recovery only.

Therefore it may not be your past addiction which is causing them to say this, they may have done it even if you had a squeaky clean past. He knows you care and I am sure will not forget that, but as hard as it seems these things are done with his recovery in mind, you are a good friend for trying to help it’s not your fault you can’t.
I just found it a little odd that his case manager messaged me using his Facebook account saying that based on our conversations on there, she was banning contact. (She specifically mentioned substance abuse as the reason.)

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PaigeB
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Re: Question

Post by PaigeB » Sun Sep 15, 2019 12:17 pm

I do not speak for this AA Group (e-aa) nor do I speak for any treatment center. I did not go to treatment either.

What I am thinking is that the treatment center wants to be able to help him focus ONLY on recovery. Sometimes they think you have to change all your friends for a while. "They" meaning the treatment center.

Here is the AA Preamble - we have only one "rule" but it is more of a purpose than a hard "rule"...
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for A.A. membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

You may wish to check out our sister organization Alanon. It is for the friends and family of alcoholics whether they are sober, in treatment or actively using. It came up right alongside AA in the 1930's... https://al-anon.org/

You may also benefit if you attend an Open meeting of AA...
https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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