My adopted son's biological father died young of cirrhosis

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My adopted son's biological father died young of cirrhosis

Postby CentralArizonaFather » Sat Aug 05, 2017 9:55 am

To tell my alcoholic son or to keep it from him... what's best?

I adopted my son when he was 3 and I am the only father figure in my son's life. His father has had no contact with me or my son in all of this twenty-something years. My son has been in and out of recovery programs (mostly out) over the past several years. My wife (his mother) and I just recently found out that my son's biological father died at age 39 from cirrhosis of the liver (alcohol related, but he also had hepatitis C which certainly didn't help).

Does this knowledge help or hurt the chances of my son's recovery? Will he just give up or work harder in recovery? Anybody out there have any experience with this?

Sincerely,
CentralArizonaFather
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Re: My adopted son's biological father died young of cirrhos

Postby Brock » Sat Aug 05, 2017 11:51 am

Very good of you to come here and ask that question, your son is lucky to have parents like these.

Although my own father was not an alcoholic there is history in the family of this, when my younger brother died of the exact same hepatitis C, and he was an alcoholic as well, I didn't even admit that he was an alcoholic, far less admit that I was one, I just said the hep C took him and didn't even try to slow down. It's a difficult thing to fathom or explain, but from my experience it does not help, and I had a couple of other drinking “friends” die of alcohol related illness as well.

It seems that the person must reach a situation in life where they just hit this 'bottom,' and become willing to accept the very good program that AA offers. But in the meantime family’s do worry and it takes a toll on them. There are programs related to AA like Al-Anon, https://al-anon.org which those who attend speak highly of, it gives families an understanding of alcoholism, and perhaps some answers and advise can be found. You might see under their meeting finder that there's one near you, and consider going to a meeting or two.

Best of luck with your son, wish this was face to face, so I could shake the hand of a good man.
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Re: My adopted son's biological father died young of cirrhos

Postby avaneesh912 » Sat Aug 05, 2017 2:38 pm

Does this knowledge help or hurt the chances of my son's recovery? Will he just give up or work harder in recovery? Anybody out there have any experience with this?


Nope. My brother died of Alcoholism in 94 and I had to drink for next 12 years before I would realize I was heading toward that direction. Early on I also heard from my SILs who use to go to alanon meetings that this is a deadly disease and yet I would say to myself I would never reach such a level.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: My adopted son's biological father died young of cirrhos

Postby Blue Moon » Sun Aug 06, 2017 9:12 am

CentralArizonaFather wrote:Does this knowledge help or hurt the chances of my son's recovery? Will he just give up or work harder in recovery?

Nobody can truly know, but the probable answer is "neither".

What you do need to know is that you don't get to control if, how or when he recovers. So I suggest you go to alanon. They could help you with your problem.
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