Mother on self destruct binge

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Mother on self destruct binge

Postby Oompaloompa » Mon Apr 17, 2017 1:47 pm

Hi I am new to this forum so please bear with me. I am the grown up daughter of an alcoholic mother. She has always been an alcoholic and was functioning but since retiring a few years ago has greatly deteriorated. She lives with my dad who is elderly and living under constant stress with her. She has been on a binge and has been drinking heavily and continually for the last 3 weeks. I dread to think what she is getting through on a daily basis but it is a mixture of wine and spirits. She drinks 24/7 and is even taking the bottle with her to bed. There is no way that her body will be able to sustain this level of abuse for much longer I fear but she is hell bent on continuing. She is severely depressed and often says she wants to die. I went with her to see an alcohol support advisor about a month ago and she recommended councilling. We are still waiting on appointment coming through but things have gotten so bad she now says she won't go. I am at my wits end over what we do from here and fear that all of this will ultimately take my dad as well. Does anyone have any advice? Many thanks for your help.
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Re: Mother on self destruct binge

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 3:37 am

Does anyone have any advice?

These chronic situations, intervention might help. If you have insurance, you may have her admitted into a rehab. But, whether she will stay sober is no guarantee. Most Rehabs have AA meetings at the facility that will expose your mom to solution. Again desire to stay sober must come within.

You may want to visit local alan-on meetings with your father so you can gain strength and deal with this situation. Wish you good luck.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Mother on self destruct binge

Postby Brock » Tue Apr 18, 2017 5:21 am

Welcome here, you posted this at 4.47 yesterday, but first posts take a while to be put up, so what appears as us not responding in a timely manner, is actually us not seeing the post until it was approved by a moderator.

We get this sort of question from time to time, and it's a reminder of the pain we ourselves put our own families through when we were drinking, the alcoholic while drinking is selfish in the extreme, we only cared about ourselves, and were blind to the suffering we caused others.

As avaneesh has said the desire must come from her, you have heard the term 'hitting bottom' I expect, and it's at this point she will accept help. It's easy to say but hard for you and your Dad to do, but try not to let this ruin your own happiness and health. The Al-anon meetings were mentioned, and even if you just went to one or two with or without your Dad, it will expose you to others who have been or are in the same situation, they may have advise on how best to handle it, and many have found just going to these meetings improved their own lives in ways they never expected, here is a meeting finder link -

Bless you for caring about your Mum, and best of luck.
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Re: Mother on self destruct binge

Postby Oompaloompa » Tue Apr 18, 2017 8:38 am

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. Yes I think al anon may be a good idea in terms of support especially for my dad who is having to live with this situation day in day out. Thanks again.
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Re: Mother on self destruct binge

Postby PaigeB » Tue Apr 18, 2017 12:05 pm

You can see if your mom will go to a meeting of AA. There is no requirements and no commitment. Maybe you can convince her that she can go and do anything for "an hour" why not check out AA? I am sure she will hear herself in the words of other alcoholics. She does not even have to be sober or stay the entire hour, though it works better if you can get her to do both of these things. Sometimes you can find alcoholics in your area that are willing to come to her to talk about the AA program.

You can find a meeting (or a phone number to call) almost anywhere in the world using our main AA site

After the first meeting, see if you can get her to go again later in the day, or the next day. In the alternative, you can purchase our "Big Book" Alcoholics Anonymous for her or she can read it online. The Basic Text is only 164 pages and the rest are stories of other alcoholics that she can read and perhaps identify with.

I hope this has been helpful to you. You can invite your mom to come to e-aa. We have 3 venues she might like to participate in: these Forums, Live Chat meetings and email meetings.

Please let us know if we can be of any further service to you.
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Re: Mother on self destruct binge

Postby ezdzit247 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 3:30 pm

Hi Oompaloompa

My name is Mary and I'm a sober alcoholic. I'm also the adult child of alcoholic parents. I agree with other posters in this thread who have suggested Alanon meetings for both you and your father. If there are no face to face Alanon meetings in your area, there's a website called StepChat which hosts several real time AA, ACOA and Alanon meetings every day, 7 days a week. The website also has an informal chat room which is open 24/7 for friends & family of alcoholics. When I first started attending AA meetings for my own drinking problem, my sponsor had me attend one Alanon meeting per week as well. It really helped to give me a clearer understanding of alcoholism as a disease, how it affects the other people in an alcoholic's life, and how to protect myself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually from practicing alcoholics in my life.

I recommend that you google Father Joe Martin's Chalk Talk on Alcoholism and view the film at one of the links provided. Father Martin was an alcoholic priest who got sober in the 1960's as a result of what's known today as an "intervention" conducted by his employer. A few years after he got sober, he became the leading advocate of using the intervention technique to convince alcoholics to voluntarily go into treatment. In the decades since, intervention has been used successfully to convince many hundreds of thousands of unwilling alcoholics to accept treatment for their alcoholism. Most treatment centers have an intervention specialist on staff and you can also call the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation at their toll free number to request contact information for alcohol intervention services in your area. I would not recommend waiting for your mother to hit bottom and become willing to ask for or accept help of her own free will. There are other options available today.
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