Post Rehab - What just happened?

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Re: Post Rehab - What just happened?

Postby Lali » Tue Dec 06, 2016 3:42 pm

Sounds like you're taking your life back - good for you! No need to dwell on the past except as necessary to keep you from going back there. Good that he's working - he can help support the children you have with him. I'm curious, (No longer)Confused - lol - are you one of us - alcoholic or addict? You did say you had started to attend AA. Even if your relationship with your ex is over, you might want to continue attending co-dependent meetings. It will help you to understand why you did accept his behavior even though it went against the person you really are. And keep you from repeating the behavior.

I wish you well.
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Re: Post Rehab - What just happened?

Postby PuppyEars » Tue Dec 06, 2016 6:13 pm

Lali wrote:The way I see it this guy has been let off the hook for every bad behavior he has had towards his girlfriend and the ex. It's like this is his world and everyone else is just living in it. Why let him off the hook monetarily? As the father, he owes it to his children to provide some financial support and I think he should be held accountable.

Who are you to play judge, jury and executioner? I ran this thread by my wife and some interesting thoughts came about. She rambled off name after name of women she knows that let the man off the hook for the simple fact of they do not have to see or deal with the offender any more. They all work many jobs because it is their responsibility as a parent to pull the weight of an absent parent. One of these people is her mother who raised her without relying on a deadbeat dad. This topic actually brought me and my wife closer because her "I don't need your money" attitude is something I originally fell in love with.
On the other hand, Lali....I have two money hungry exes who took me out of spite, and they now have come to rely on my monies not to support the children, but to support themselves. Both of THEM don't work as a result. Funny how that worked out, right? This is my experience, not a "friends".
I did jail time in sobriety because of back child support that I couldn't pay at the time. If you want to create a life long resentment and make an alcoholic have a hostile, emotionally charged, heated attitude towards your very existence, take him for child support.
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Re: Post Rehab - What just happened?

Postby Noels » Tue Dec 06, 2016 10:06 pm

My suggestion was definitely not to sue for maintenance to “ spite “ the man. I work in a legal office and there are far too many men who don’t take care of their offspring. At the end of the day the woman suffer yes, but the children who had no involvement in the parents dispute ends up suffering more so whether alcoholic, drug addict, sex addict or straight forward normal male with no addictions, - if you were there to make the child, you have to support that child. Finished and not negotiable.

Quote "Who are you to play judge, jury and executioner? I ran this thread by my wife and some interesting thoughts came about. She rambled off name after name of women she knows that let the man off the hook for the simple fact of they do not have to see or deal with the offender any more."

We’ll give those women spit medals. Well done for them. Im sure each one of them are happy, joyous and free and have the highest opinion of the men who fathered their children and share that very high opinion with their children on a daily basis. Im sure they have never complained how hard they must work to feed and clothe their children and im sure the children of these women cant wait to have a good relationship with their amazing fathers when THEY are old enough to decide whether THEY want him in their life or not. Well done Puppy. Us females should really strive to be more like all these amazing females where you guys live :wink:

Quote "On the other hand, Lali....I have two money hungry exes who took me out of spite, and they now have come to rely on my monies not to support the children, but to support themselves. Both of THEM don't work as a result. Funny how that worked out, right? This is my experience, not a "friends"."

Why don’t you call these ladies back to maintenance court and ask them for documented proof to show what they spend the money on rather than assuming they are living off your child support? Unless theyre living in a trailerpark for free its highly unlikely that child support from the father (especially when that father is paying child support for more than 1 child in more than 1 household) is sufficient for the mother and children to have a good, stable financial existence. :roll:

quote "I did jail time in sobriety because of back child support that I couldn't pay at the time. If you want to create a life long resentment and make an alcoholic have a hostile, emotionally charged, heated attitude towards your very existence, take him for child support"

mmmmmm…….. having an alcoholic in your life is a real joy since alcoholics are usually selfish, self-centered human beings who consider only themselves and their own pleasures so best not "piss" that alcoholic off by asking him to do his fatherly duty to contribute towards the wellbeing of his offspring. Jeah ..... definitely don't want to " piss " THAT amazing creature off :wink: :roll:

You know as well as I do.
Now that we are sober we take responsibility for our actions – this include actions from the past. Every action have consequences – whether these consequences are from present actions or from past behavior we as alcoholics with a solution take responsibility for those actions. Its all in the 12 steps.

Have an awesome day and remember to pay your child support with a smile :mrgreen:

Love and Light
Noels xxx
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Re: Post Rehab - What just happened?

Postby Confused16 » Wed Dec 07, 2016 11:57 am

Lali: I have always wanted to attend AA meetings for myself. I have a drinking problem in that I binge. I can either have two glasses of wine and blackout or two bottles and be normal. I don't know my limit, and I don't think my body does either. Alcohol has brought a lot of problems/pain into my life. I definitely noticed I drank A LOT more while I was w/ my ex. I may have drank three times since he moved out in August. But each time was pretty bad. Now that I am pregnant I have no choice, which is fine. But I wanted to use this time to learn more about it so that I can make sure I don't pick the horrible habit up again after I deliver. I enjoy sober living... it's just those moments where I get an urge that I go in and it tends to not end well for me. I attended my first CoDa meeting last Friday and just secured my sitter for this Friday. Can't wait! These meetings are life changing.

Hi Noel, I was married before this relationship and I had a daughter. I refused to get child support simply because I didn't want to deal w/ him and because I had too much pride. But I see now the mistake I made by doing that! I didn't file until she was 9 years old. It took eight years for me to get there and I think back and realize all she missed out on because I couldn't afford it. I don't want to make that mistake again. Not to mention, EVERYONE suffers, not just my youngest. Plus, he's able to pay a good penny for the other two children he spends a lot of time with. Why shouldn't he have to help with our son who he refuses to spend any time with. Just because I don't want to put up with him showing up drunk to my house? That is SO unfair. Plus, it's not like I'm lying on my paperwork so I can get more money from him. I put exactly how much I make, our expenses down to the penny. Luckily, where I"m from child support and family law are completely separate, so just because he pays child support doesn't mean I have to deal with him regarding visitation.
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Re: Post Rehab - What just happened?

Postby Noels » Wed Dec 07, 2016 3:19 pm

You go girl! If we don't stand up for and do what's best for our children the still suffering alcoholic surely won't bother to do what's right by them.
Carry on doing what you're doing cause it's working :D
I'm off to bed. Exhausted :lol:
Nite nite mwah xxx Noels
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