39 weeks_ new.dad

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39 weeks_ new.dad

Postby Stars » Sun Nov 27, 2016 4:56 am

Hello

I'm reaching out because I'm 39 weeks pregnant and my guy is an alcoholic. Like more than 6 beer a night every night. Sometimes blackout drunk in the middle if the week.
However completely functional.

This isn't news to me I guess we used to drink together before I was pregnant.
However now I've been forced due to pregnancy to be sweaky clean. We both quit smoking in the beginning and the plan was that he would start to cut back and get his S*** together.

That has not happened, apart from 3 weeks ago he attempted to not drink three nights in a row. Resulting in two nights sober on his own and one night sober with non alcoholic beer.
And then the weekend came. He drinks at home every night unless he drinks at his mother's.
He uses me as a DD and in the past had driving under the influence tickets so I do drive for him. But it's getting old at 39 weeks.

We are in our late twentis, his drinking with his mother always ends up blackout drunk.
She keeps up she was his buddy before he met me and now that I can't be his driinking buddy ,they party together at least once a week.
Drives me crazy because of the baby on the way and I sit there sober. She is no help, just helps him with excuses.

How do I help him?
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Re: 39 weeks_ new.dad

Postby avaneesh912 » Sun Nov 27, 2016 7:35 am

How do I help him?


We cant do much. Usually the alcoholic hits his/her own bottom, then the realization could help them propel their recovery. Usually we advice the family of the alcoholics to attend Al-anon. You may try that. The principles of the 12 steps can you applied to everyones life.
Last edited by avaneesh912 on Sun Nov 27, 2016 9:20 am, edited 1 time in total.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: 39 weeks_ new.dad

Postby PuppyEars » Sun Nov 27, 2016 8:16 am

As the male, I have drank thru more than a few of my (then) girlfriends pregnancies and partied hard with my mother as well. I kept it somewhat together for roughly 7 years and then I came apart at the seams and started a pitiful and incomprehensible downward spiral that dissolved 2 families within a short time. The damage was too great and these families were unable to be repaired although I am grateful to still have a big role in my children's lives.
Unfortunately, avaneesh is correct. Some of us are beyond human aid and while drinking, we will rip and roar through the lives of even our children. Maybe seek professional adivce before your child is born. Is a therapist out of the question?
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Re: 39 weeks_ new.dad

Postby Layne » Sun Nov 27, 2016 11:25 am

I don't know about him, but I do know about me. I had lots of people that loved me and that tried to help me when I was drinking more than 6 beers a night. Unfortunately for them, I wasn't going to change until I was on the precipice of losing the one thing that I wasn't willing to give away. Evidently I was willing to give away my marriage, my business, and my family.

When I was on the very edge and looking over into the abyss, my soul is the one thing that I wasn't willing to give away to alcohol. Absolutely no one could help me until I got to that point because god knows they tried. How do you help someone get to that point? You can't, except possibly by loving them enough to let go of them thereby setting them free to maybe get to that point sooner.

I placed a horrible burden and decision upon the people that loved me. I was willing to let my marriage, my family, my business, all be causalities of my drinking. Today I am grateful for the decisions they made. No matter the decisions they ultimately made though, in the end I still needed to get to where I had to go, in order to get to where I need to be.
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