He broke up with me for his recovery....

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Re: He broke up with me for his recovery....

Postby clouds » Tue Oct 25, 2016 7:59 am

It just sounds to me that he wants to put 100% focus into his recovery for some time, possibly the first year or so.

That's a good thing. He may feel he isn't ready to cope with a more intimate relationship now.

I suggest you make the relationship friendship based only. Back off a bit, or I should say, no pressure, his ongoing sobriety is something he is taking responsibility for and this is nothing but the best thing he could do at this time.

What other people think, including your family isn't really very important.

Time will tell if this develops into something permenant. Its not like he said goodbye to you.

Also, time will make it clear, if you both can let go a bit, how the relationship will grow.

He may have been surprised at his reaction during the argument and he knows he has a lot to work on in his 12 steps right now. He's possibly waiting to see results from this.

Of course all this is me projecting onto a few phrases and sentences you have written and this is something I try not to do because this sort of imagining what could happen based on past things that did happen, or things eople said happened, is quite a stumbling block to sober thinking in itself!

Best wishes, I hope things work out according to God's will for you both.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: He broke up with me for his recovery....

Postby Spirit Flower » Tue Oct 25, 2016 4:57 pm

it was a 10 min argument over something very silly that in a regular relationship would have blown over


Exactly! This is not a regular relationship.
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Re: He broke up with me for his recovery....

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed Oct 26, 2016 5:18 am

In the book A new Earth, Eckhart talks about how the Ego works when you get into a brand new relationship. It is subdued. Until you get into a permanent setup. Moving in or tying the knot. Then the pain body awakens. He talks about people marrying into each others pain bodies. Thats why you see so many couples separate/divorce quickly after the marriage.
In intimate relationships, pain-bodies are often clever enough to lie low until you start living together and preferably have signed a contract committing yourself to be with this person for the rest of your life. You don't just marry your wife or husband, you also marry her or his pain-body – and your spouse marries yours. It can be quite a shock when, perhaps not long after moving in together after the honey moon, you find suddenly one day there is a complete personality change in your partner. Her voice becomes harsh or shrill as she accuses you, blames you, or shouts at you, mostly likely
over a relatively trivial matter. Or she becomes totally withdrawn. “What's wrong?” you ask. “Nothing is wrong,” she says. But the intensely hostile energy she emanates is saying, “Everything is wrong.”
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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