Advice Needed

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Advice Needed

Postby ConcernedAunt » Mon May 23, 2016 2:36 am

My 28 year old niece recently confessed to me that she is a "severe alcoholic". She just lost her job due to drinking. She was recently transferred to a city about 4 hours away, where she lives alone and only knows a handful of people. She says she's been going to AA for a few months, but she refuses to go to rehab. Now that she's lost her job, she wants me to take her on a vacation where I own a small condo by the beach so she can get a change of scenery and just be a beach bum for a little while. I asked her if she would be going through withdrawals, and she said she goes through withdrawals every week and it wouldn't be anything I would notice. I told her I wouldn't want her drinking while she is staying with me, and she agreed that of course she wouldn't drink while we were down there. It's a two day drive from here, and I'm just concerned about what to expect, and would this even be a good thing for her? Thank you for any advice you have.
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Re: Advice Needed

Postby Brock » Mon May 23, 2016 4:25 am

It's very nice that you are concerned about her, perhaps I can offer some advise from my experience as a recovered alcoholic and a member of AA.

On the beach trip I would say this will not be a bad or a good thing for her, it's just a holiday she is probably looking for, maybe to clear her head and get away from the City. Some of us given a good reason can stay away from drinking for a few weeks, so that's not a problem. But if this is something you are doing just to help her, and you don't want to go yourself, you could perhaps just offer she come and stay with you for a short while. I expect you don't know much about AA, but I would mention that near the start of the chapter called 'How it Works' in our main text, and in other areas these words are mentioned - ...”selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.” I am not necessarily saying she is that way, but we do tend to think of our own wants and needs a little too much, hence me saying if you don't feel like going far away at this time, don't bend over backward because she wants it.

She said she was going to AA for a few months, many of us have experience of just going and expecting something to happen, but there is a bit of work to put in, and I am quite sure she has been told that on several occasions. It's called a twelve step program for a reason, but many new people sort of hem and haw and delay doing what's necessary, but it really does work marvelously well when we do the steps. On the subject of rehab, this won't do much good if she doesn’t want it, it can be a frustrating thing for those who care, but nobody can really help an alcoholic until they decide to help themselves.

If you wish to learn more you can Google aa.org and under literature there are lots of pamphlets about alcoholism and AA, the main textbook called “Alcoholics Anonymous” is a bit confusing to read, but the chapter called 'The Doctor's Opinion' and 'More About Alcoholism' do explain a good bit.

I wish both yourself and your niece the best of luck, and expect others here will say a word or two, if you have any further questions please ask.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Advice Needed

Postby PaigeB » Mon May 23, 2016 9:14 am

Making AA meetings a part of the "Beach Bum" vacation might be a good idea. They might even have a meeting ON the beach. You can look for your state or country here and follow the links to find a list a meetings near the condo and see that she has transportation to a couple of meetings. Maybe you can look into an Alanon meeting while you are they as well.

AA meetings http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources
Alanon meetings http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/find-a-meeting

You can get her a copy of our Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous. The 1st 165 pages are our basic text and the remainder of the book is the stories of alcoholics. The following link has the Big Book as well as our other literature including pamphlets like Frequently Asked Questions about AA and Is There an Alcoholic In Your Life... and many others. http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/aa-literature

I do hope you find some help for your niece and yourself. Please be sure and refer her to this site!
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Re: Advice Needed

Postby ConcernedAunt » Tue May 24, 2016 4:52 am

Thank you so much Brock and PaigeB for you kind responses. This does relieve my mind.
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