Addiction to AA meetings

If you're not an alcoholic but have questions about AA, here's the place to ask them. Anyone may post messages and replies in this forum.

Re: Addiction to AA meetings

Postby Chelle » Wed Mar 23, 2016 5:11 am

We continue to go to meetings to help the alcoholic that still suffers. Passing on what we have to the still suffering is our responsibility. It also keeps us sober by reminding of us of who and what we are and how fast we can be that again. Perhaps if he dialed back the meetings and became drunk again, you would only wish it had not bothered you so much.

As for others saying he is not alcoholic..it is not up to them to decide. Because you have only known him sober and loved him sober, you do not know the alternative.

You sound like a great candidate for all anon :D
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Re: Addiction to AA meetings

Postby Barbara D. » Wed Mar 23, 2016 8:14 am

I have a lot of opinions on this subject. I have more than 30 years continuous sobriety, and I believe that I must avoid the "you should do this or that," that all I have to share with you is my experience. I am an alcoholic still. I don't think about drinking much any more, but I believe that if I allow my spiritual condition to deteriorate, that if just the right circumstances came together, I could revert to old behaviors in the blink of an eye. The obsessive compulsive need for escape is still inside of me. I have a daily reprieve.

AA is my lifeline whether I am active or not. I rely on the Steps and the Traditions to deal with life on life's terms regardless of how many meetings per week I attend. Over the years, I have seen folks whom I thought were addicted to recovery and saw life as divided between us and them. But I can't judge. For me, it's all about motivation. If I am doing service work, which I think includes going to meetings, because I don't want to face my family life or because I want to feel "popular," I am not in a stable place. I had a better grasp on not being in charge when I did service work based on feeding my own hunger rather than to help others...had to keep my ego in check. My spiritual life ebbs and flows. My years sober have not cured me.

Most of what I have said here represents my version of our spiritual principles. Have you tried to read any of our literature? I do agree that Al-Anon would give you a lot of guidance. It is very hard for me to tell someone important to me how I feel or what I think if I'm sure they won't like it. I expected X-husbands to read my mind. And taking my own inventory usually is more illuminating than trying to take someone else's inventory.

Could it be that you just want out of the marriage and are looking for an excuse? It is just amazing how I can manipulate myself when I don't want to face something!!! And I'm still an expert at denial! In my opinion, alcoholics have the same human problems as non-alcoholics, but it's more intense for us and the consequences can be fatal.

Good luck! Barbara D.
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Re: Addiction to AA meetings

Postby Layne » Wed Mar 23, 2016 8:53 am

nomonde wrote: I tend to call this event related temporarily alcoholism. I don't see a reason after almost 20 years of him being sober, why I should attend these meetings any longer. It is up to us to keep on feeling sorry for previous alcoholics? Isn't it about time that you learn how to take responsibility in your life again? The system of AA is designed to keep people in for eternity. It's like going to a psychologist: do your therapy, but don't be depended on it for the rest of your life as you allow the support system to take over the life that you live.

You seem to have quite a few opinions about the inner workings of alcoholics and AA. I can't imagine that I would have any success changing them so to attempt to do so would be an exercise in futility.

I am a man. I have quite a few opinions about the inner workings of a woman's mind, none of them are vaild. I will never fully understand how a woman thinks because I am not one. There are also a whole spectrum of women out there, all with their own thought processes, for me to pigeonhole them into a confined category is sheer folly.

Your husband was sober when you met him. Has his recovery related behavior changed dramatically since you met him? Does he go to a lot more meetings than when you met him? Has his circle of valued friends changed since you met him? Are you tired of the behavior he has exhibited since you met him and wish it would change?
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Re: Addiction to AA meetings

Postby Lali » Wed Mar 23, 2016 3:37 pm

I am not one who believes a husband and wife should be joined at the hip. Many men golf every weekend, play poker with their buddies. watch sports all week; perhaps they go to car shows with like minded friends as my uncle does. (My dad attended meetings of the American Legion and also met with a group of retired pilots at a club in a nearby town.) Likewise, women go shopping with their friends, play cards, etc. Although I'm sure your husband attends AA because he wants to live, he probably gets enjoyment from spending time with other men in the program. I really just don't see what the problem is.
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Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
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Re: Addiction to AA meetings

Postby nomonde » Fri Mar 25, 2016 11:34 pm

thank you postriac: very honest and helpful. I appreciate that.
For the other comment: I seriously thought this group is for relatives of AA people. And I'm here to discuss with relatives not with addicts :)
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Re: Addiction to AA meetings

Postby nomonde » Fri Mar 25, 2016 11:41 pm

I understand what you are saying. What I see that he's not afraid of going back to drinking, but he's getting addicted to the meetings himself and the system imposing on him that his life is unmanageable. It's not. Slowly AA turns into a goal in itself, rather than a temporarily tool to assist alcoholic addicts. Like if you don't go to church often, you are a bad person. You can be a good person; allow the person themselves to decide when they are cured, and stop imposing on them that their lives remain unmanageable for the rest of their lives.
And I have been to Anon meetings, but sorry I also have a life of my own. It's nice somethings for addicted people to understand that they are not always the center of the universe.
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Re: Addiction to AA meetings

Postby PaigeB » Sat Mar 26, 2016 1:16 am

It is not usually someone imposing AA on someone else, but an inner desire to be around other alcoholics. Suggestions are made and one can choose to take the suggestions or not.

I am sorry you are angry.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Addiction to AA meetings

Postby Lali » Sat Mar 26, 2016 3:12 pm

nomonde wrote:And I have been to Anon meetings, but sorry I also have a life of my own.


Now I'm really confused. Along the lines of my last post, then why can't he have a life of his own as well? Whether it be card games with his buddies or meetings, what difference does it make? It sounds as if you may be wanting some control.

When you say you have a life of your own, I guess you are saying you enjoy doing certain things without your husband?
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Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
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