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Help me: Husband is social drinker

Posted: Tue Jan 13, 2015 9:57 pm
by Amberc522
This is the only place I know of where I can get advice on a topic such as this.. My husband and I have been together since high school (about 5 years). He is at the invincible age of 21 where he thinks he knows all and sees all! Well since we've gotten a place together I have noticed that he is a social drinker..anytime he visits his friends he drinks beer and God forbid they bring out the tequila! He came stumbling in one night from his friend's house smelling of that nasty stuff! I don't have a problem with him drinking, I have a problem with the amount he drinks..instead of drinking one or two beers he gets plastered. I have talked to him before about it and the last time her went to his friend's house, he had told me that he wouldn't drink a lot and come home drunk..he pulled up in our drive way (in my truck!), and fell out of the truck into the mud. He was stumbling everywhere and was repeating his words over and over. He also peed on the bathroom floor which I made him clean in the morning. That night I cried and slept on the couch because I couldn't stand the stench of the tequila. It's like he can't control himself. His mom and I have told him that he's an alcoholic but he doesn't believe so because he doesn't drink that often (but when he does, he drinks too much). I don't know how to get through to him or what to do.

Re: Help me: Husband is social drinker

Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 12:56 am
by PaigeB
It's like he can't control himself.
If he is an alcoholic, he can't control himself.

You likely cannot convince him either. I drank for many many years all the while my family begging for me to give it up or lighten it up. All to no avail. I had to admit to my inner most self that I was alcoholic before I was able to start working this program and give my family some relief.

Unfortunately, we alkies cannot see the pain we cause and when we do see it we minimize it. To do anything else feels like a panic attack - we will have to give up booze if we admit that it is bad. And I admitted it was bad long before I was able to accept that I had this disease!

Alcoholics Anonymous began in Bill's home for the most part. This meant his wife was there and other wives were there too. As a result of that they sort of had their own meetings! They became Alanon, a 12 Step program that is like a sister to AA. It is for the friends and family of alcoholics. Maybe you and his mom can find some relief with or without him getting sober. You can reach them at this site:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/home
I hope you seek them out and allow them to share their experience, strength and hope with you.

Re: Help me: Husband is social drinker

Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 1:00 am
by ann2
Hi Amber, welcome :)

I haven't heard the term "social drinker" applied to someone with behavior like your husband's. One definition I find, from Spammer, reads " a person who drinks alcoholic beverages usually in the company of others and is in control of his or her drinking."

I can recommend calling Al-Anon for information and guidance. Going to a meeting is really the best thing you and his mom could do for him. For online info go to http://www.al-anon.alateen.org

Ann

Re: Help me: Husband is social drinker

Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 8:11 am
by chefchip
Hello, Amberc522... I'm going to risk repeating everyone else. AlAnon. They understand what it is like to be in a relationship with someone who has a problem with alcohol. Keep in mind that they are not there to help you convince your husband that he has a problem. And they definitely will not teach you how to control your husband, or make him better. They WILL teach you how to help yourself, and your children, if any. Your husband will have to come to his own realizations in his own time.

I wish you well.
Chip

Re: Help me: Husband is social drinker

Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 8:35 am
by avaneesh912
Agreed. Social drinker to me is a the one who drinks 1 or 2 drinks and leaves 1/2 of what he was drinking on the table. But unfortunately your Husband as to realize that. The way you described him, I doubt that someone can convince him that he has a problem. Sounded like Bill W when he announces "I have arrived" in "Bills Story". Like others suggested, al-anon will be the best resource you can tap into. Good luck.