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In am not sure where to start

Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2014 5:02 pm
by kyc
Hi all. I apologize if this is not in the correct spot. I have been with my spouse for 8 years. I feel and so do a lot that he has always had an issue drinking. Not so much drinking constantly but when he drinks he drinks to be black out and becomes a different person. It is not him. I feel I need to mention he comes from a long line of alcoholics or addicts. Recently, a situation happened where he came onto a friend of mine. Unfortunately, he does not remember. He remembers nothing of what she said happened. Most people would say alcohol is not an excus however it is quite obvious he has a problem. And after this situation and other situations he cannot remember he has decided he needs help. I am not sure what I am asking here....I think I just wanted to hear from others what they have experienced and what they did. I refuse to leave him as he will need help through this and we are a team. How do you feel about aa? Has anyone ever been in a black out situation? I know this will be a long hard road out but I have every faith we can do this and I am backing him 100 percent.

Re: In am not sure where to start

Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2014 6:32 pm
by Peter.H.
Hello kyc.

I am an alcoholic, and have come across this a fair bit.
First of all, he has to want to stay sober for himself, and not just to please you or others. Otherwise, he will blame you, others, and/or AA if he relapses, ruining possible return to AA.
The best you can do is to inform him, when he is sober/dry, that help is available (such as AA meetings, detox units, and rehabs).
Then it is best to leave him alone from there on, that is, to not nag him about it, or further resentments will follow.
Now that he knows he can get help, he cannot deny he had no idea that help was available. But he needs to be willing to get help for himself.
After he initiates his contact for help, you are free to give him the support you wish to provide.

There is another thing you can do. Do not support his drinking, like getting more booze for him, making excuses for him, etc.
I am sure others here, in this forum, will give you further valuable information you are seeking.
Please feel free to ask further questions.

PS. Blackouts are short-term memory lapses. The brain has stopped recording new information. So a person can do and say things that are already stored in their mind, but new stuff is not recorded. It is a form of temporary brain damage, which can develop into a permanent state called Korsakoff's syndrome.

Re: In am not sure where to start

Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2014 8:21 pm
by Tommy-S
Hi kyc,

I am an Alcoholic, but also grew up in an Alcoholic family and had alcoholic spouses.

AA helped me deal with my drinking problem, but I needed more to deal with family & friends, so I contacted Alanon... It's 12 Step Program born from AA's 12 Steps for the family & friends of Alcoholics.

Their site is ... Check it out, give them a call's Free & Confidential.

There you will find others like yourself who have found a solution.

Thanks... Tommy

Re: In am not sure where to start

Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2014 9:55 pm
by kyc
Thank you both so much. I agree I have not pushed him to aa. In fact he decided to do it on his own. So, i decided it was better for me to step back and let him do this. I'll visit this site. thank you :). I do not feel so lost now. Upwards and onwards from here.

Re: In am not sure where to start

Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 8:50 am
by ann2
The best help you can give is to learn the way of life he will hear about in meetings, and the place to do that is in Al-Anon meetings. Call them up, find a meeting near you, and go.


Re: In am not sure where to start

Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 7:36 pm
by amont
Personally, i never go into any AA meetings, YET, but from what i have been hearing about from this meetings, it seems it's a good call if you want to start kicking out alcohol.

i do drink a lot sometimes, once a week to be exact, for me it's not that big deal. But lately, i realize i need to stop it. so for now, i'm quitting without self, self-quitting. so far, i managed not to drink alcohol for 2 weeks now.