End of my tether!

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spaceman2000
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End of my tether!

Post by spaceman2000 » Thu Jan 30, 2014 3:37 pm

I'm sure I'm not the first or the last person who will post here in this sort of state, but I'm not sure what to do and needed to reach out. I know this must seem self indulgent and borderline narcissistic, but

I started seeing a girl about 2 years ago, and was too distracted by the initial love and lust to really focus on the fact that it was some, then most, and finally all nights that were spent "dicking about and having fun". I have always been someone who likes a beer to unwind and don't mind a night out, so it snuck up on me, and by the time we broke up about a year ago, things were pretty bad.

She needed a lodger, so in moved a destructive, self confessed alcholic friend who worked in the catering trade as a waiter, and the nights never really stopped until 6am after that.

She lost her office job, as they all "hated how popular she was" after getting too drunk at every office party and smelling of wine 3 mornings or so a week.

She wrote her car, a new saab convertable, off into an audi, driving to the shop, that was 5 minutes walk away, and narrowly missed a jail sentence.

She slept with a raft of men and women who used her, and gave her, and then me STIs.

Borrowed £2000 that never came back, then stole another £500 out of an savings account with an old card.

She came to parties of mine, against my wishes and tried to sleep with my friends, and probably succeeded on occaision, I'm sure i'll never know.

Constantly calling me, 4 or 5 times a week, between midnight and 7am, crying and calling me to come and help,and was sometimes in a situation where i'd have to come and rescue.

Didn't pay her rent for 3 months, despite claiming housing benefits, now facing court and eviction.

I tried to help and ignore things all through this, help her find a new job, have her stay at my house and deny her drinks, take her running/ walking and cook for her. And it would work for a few days, then as soon as I'd leave it would take between 6 hours to a day before she would call again, or mutual friend would call and le me know.

She is about to get a new job, which she starts on Monday, in 4 days time. which is in my town, close to my house and I'm dreading what will happen next. I can't move on in my love life as noone would understand, its affecting how i socialse, my friends have been patient but are now bored and losing patience with my patience of her, and I'm at my wits end.

She has been to meetings, both AA and Recovery Partnership, and made her admissions, but gave up a month ago and won;t go back. Her Dad (also recovering but 3 years in an now mentoring and unable to help) and her auntie have next to given up and are waiting for a bottom out, but I don't know how bad that will be, and I know that she will involve me. Shes lost all friends, but the lowest and sleaziest drunken accomplices who happily feed her wine and desert her when her money is gone, laughing behind her back. When she moves to my town, only 10 miles from her current one, she is insisting that all will be good, and she will get her head down and work. but this is a darker town, with a seedier side and lessroom for error. People get mugged and worse here and I can't stand to think of her wading through this as well, on her own.

what do I do! I'm lost :(

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Blue Moon
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Re: End of my tether!

Post by Blue Moon » Thu Jan 30, 2014 4:14 pm

Hi, have you been to alanon? I know people in AA who say good things about them.
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon

kenyal
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Re: End of my tether!

Post by kenyal » Thu Jan 30, 2014 5:29 pm

Not sure exactly what it is you're getting out of this, since you're a year away from your breakup with her. If you want to hear said what you already know, she'll use you for what she can as often as possible until you stop allowing yourself to be of use to her, then she'll do the same with others. If you look you'll see you are not the first in a long line.

She's bad news and will impact your life negatively in ways you now cannot forecast. If you want to pay that price then change nothing. A healthy individual would run.

Lali
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Re: End of my tether!

Post by Lali » Thu Jan 30, 2014 7:54 pm

You seem to think you have some kind of responsibility for this girl. You don't. She's toxic and will bring you down with her unless you move on and tell her to do the same. As Kenya said, this is not a healthy relationship.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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ann2
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Re: End of my tether!

Post by ann2 » Fri Jan 31, 2014 1:15 am

Al-Anon. Go. You need the help.

You are a really good and kind person and I think what's holding you here is the idea that you can help. You may be able to, but not on your own. Go to an al-anon meeting and listen and ask for guidance and use the tools you are given.

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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