AlAnon and Recovering Alcoholics

If you're not an alcoholic but have questions about AA, here's the place to ask them. Anyone may post messages and replies in this forum.
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chefchip
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AlAnon and Recovering Alcoholics

Post by chefchip » Mon Nov 25, 2013 12:14 pm

Hello, all... I have a question I hope someone can answer without me having to go through the whole phone-tag thing! :D

I have a co-worker who is a recovering alcoholic, also. He is in a relationship with someone who is an active alcoholic, at least it seems that way from everything I have been told. Today, my co-worker's partner had oral surgery. The pissed-off surgeon came close to sending him home and not doing the surgery because of high blood pressure brought on by his continued alcohol abuse, as late as last night. That's not an AlAnon issue, I realize.

My co-worker, however, is another story. Within five minutes of listening to his rant about this I realized he might need some help from the other side of the issue. He might need AlAnon. My co-worker is a) disposing of alcohol he finds in the house, b) forbidding his partner to leave the house, c) tossing the house nightly to find hidden bottles, d) berating and chiding his partner endlessly, all in the name of trying to get him better because "I can help him! I have the answers!"

When you're done chuckling, could you tell me whether or not alcoholics are welcome in AlAnon as long as they have the problem of another alcoholic in their lives? My thinking is that there are two sets of problems -- the alcoholic and the people in their lives. And even if the people in their lives are recovering from alcoholism, some of them didn't really learn from their own experiences.

Thoughts or feedback?

Chip

PS - And no, no matter what, I am only going to suggest AlAnon. Attraction rather than promotion, right?
The only constant in life is change.

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PaigeB
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Re: AlAnon and Recovering Alcoholics

Post by PaigeB » Mon Nov 25, 2013 12:24 pm

I am pretty sure that Alanon welcomes alcoholics. At least in my area. I see a lot of crossover, both ways.

My sponsor gave me a word of caution that hit me right between the eyes though, so I will pass it on, "If you go to Alanon & start to think that the other person is the problem, you will be all too ready to blame them and you'll be drunk within the week!"

Wow. I would SO do that! AA for me!
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

chefchip
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Re: AlAnon and Recovering Alcoholics

Post by chefchip » Mon Nov 25, 2013 12:31 pm

Paige,

Thanks for that. I was hoping that was the case. And thanks for the warning. I will pass that along if I decide to mention AlAnon to him. The thought did not even occur to me! I could see myself doing that as well. Any port in a storm, huh?

Chip
The only constant in life is change.

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PaigeB
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Re: AlAnon and Recovering Alcoholics

Post by PaigeB » Mon Nov 25, 2013 12:50 pm

:wink:
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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Blue Moon
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Re: AlAnon and Recovering Alcoholics

Post by Blue Moon » Mon Nov 25, 2013 2:53 pm

Loads of AA's are in Alanon. I know some AA's who came from Alanon.
Ian S
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chefchip
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Re: AlAnon and Recovering Alcoholics

Post by chefchip » Mon Nov 25, 2013 3:25 pm

Glad to hear it, Ian. I went once decades ago, when I had first left home for college. Long story. Didn't stay long, though. And, for all I knew, people in AlAnon might be skittish talking in front of alkies! :wink: I appreciate the feedback.

Chip
The only constant in life is change.

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avaneesh912
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Re: AlAnon and Recovering Alcoholics

Post by avaneesh912 » Mon Nov 25, 2013 4:53 pm

Loads of AA's are in Alanon.
I don't really understand why AAs would need to go to Al-anon. Thats one of the factors attributing to we hearing in AA on powerlessness over people places and things. I sincerely think people who work the steps of AA and get connected to the power should be able to handle situation in a sensible manner. I know this will draw lot of heated arguments but hey what the heck this is my experience.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Blue Moon
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Re: AlAnon and Recovering Alcoholics

Post by Blue Moon » Mon Nov 25, 2013 5:06 pm

avaneesh912 wrote: I sincerely think people who work the steps of AA and get connected to the power should be able to handle situation in a sensible manner.
Identification?

To live with an active drunk or druggie brings some unique issues. We in AA can drop newcomers until they're ready to quit. Not so easy to do with loved ones, acting-out offspring, or someone with whom mortgage / car-insurance / bank account is shared.
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon

chefchip
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Re: AlAnon and Recovering Alcoholics

Post by chefchip » Mon Nov 25, 2013 5:07 pm

Avaneesh912,

You will get no heated argument from me on this. Personally I was surprised to hear a person in recovery say some of those things, be so judgmental. If I felt that way about another's problems I would take a long hard look at myself, take an inventory. Heck I'd go back and review all of the stuff I wrote when I first worked the steps to remind me of my own checkered past! But that is me and from my experiences. I try not to project those on others.

My guess is that he hasn't realized yet that what he is feeling is what people in his life felt when he was an active alcoholic. And that they were just as powerless to stop or fix him. Sometimes we have to hear it from someone who has been there. Having said that I can not understand what he is feeling now. I have never been with someone who was alcoholic. I thought it might be good to remind him there are people who have. Even though I feel very connected to my higher power, I still do and think stupid stuff and don't always handle situations sensibly.

Thanks for making a very good point. I had debated on whether or not to just call him out on this, remind him of where he has been. It might be a good idea. I will think on it some more.

Chip
The only constant in life is change.

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