I need some advice!

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stressed
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I need some advice!

Post by stressed » Sun Oct 21, 2012 9:41 pm

I am 27 years old and my husband and I have been married 1 year. However, 8 months ago he was hospitalized and that is when everything came out and we realized he was an alcoholic. He went to rehab but his mom picked him up early. His parents are great people but they give into him. I don't know how much more of this I can handle. He just doesn't get it and doesn't want to stop drinking. He doesn't work so all he does is drink. I know people cannot tell me what to do but I want some advice. We don't drink around him, we dump out any alcohol that we find... it just seems like there is no stopping him. Am I just wasting my time staying with him? I am getting tired of supporting him, he can't and won't get a job. All we do is fight anymore and it sometimes gets violent! Please help!!!

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Tommy-S
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Re: I need some advice!

Post by Tommy-S » Sun Oct 21, 2012 11:22 pm

Hello Stressed,

i found help by attending Alanon. There I found others in similar situations, and their experience helped me understand and do what i needed to do for me.

This is the Alanon website: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

You can also check your phone book for their number. The call is free & confidential.

It made a difference for me. Thanks.

Tommy
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!

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avaneesh912
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Re: I need some advice!

Post by avaneesh912 » Mon Oct 22, 2012 5:41 am

All we do is fight anymore and it sometimes gets violent! Please help!!!
I would say leave him and then seek help at Alanon. Perhaps your departure will awaken him. But acute alcoholics may not.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

Layne
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Re: I need some advice!

Post by Layne » Mon Oct 22, 2012 7:50 am

stressed wrote: it just seems like there is no stopping him.
You are absolutely right. The only possible stopping will be when he decides it is time to stop. No one else can do it for him.

The suggestion for Alanon is a great one. When are you going to decide to stop you? In Alanon you will find caring compassionate support that can relate to what you are going through because they have been there and are walking through it. They can show you how.

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Duke
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Re: I need some advice!

Post by Duke » Mon Oct 22, 2012 8:21 am

Alanon. Absolutely. The sooner you stop trying to cure him, the better.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa

Lali
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Re: I need some advice!

Post by Lali » Mon Oct 22, 2012 10:18 am

You and his parents are enabling him. As long as you continue to allow him to drink, to not work, and get him out of rehab early, he will likely never stop drinking. I'm not usually really quick to suggest separation or divorce, but in your case there is violence and violence is unacceptable. Do you have children?
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

stressed
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Re: I need some advice!

Post by stressed » Tue Oct 30, 2012 6:51 pm

No we do not having any children thank goodness!!! I do not typically agree with divorce either and my friends all tell me that I need to leave but I am afraid of making the wrong decision. I wish I could look into that crystal ball to see if or when he is going to get it. I do feel like my entire life is on hold...

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Tommy-S
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Re: I need some advice!

Post by Tommy-S » Tue Oct 30, 2012 10:56 pm

Hello again.

Alcoholism is a sickness, much like any other Disease, simply being a spouse is Not enough to cure the affected.

As suggested earlier, Family & Friends will find help with dealing with Alcoholics in Alanon...
Tommy_S wrote:... This is the Alanon website: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
You can also check your phone book for their number. The call is free & confidential.
Do yourself a favor, and Give it a try... Thanks!
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!

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