Huge resentment

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Huge resentment

Postby Chelle » Mon Jul 18, 2016 9:55 am

I am struggling with an issue from my homegtoup. Yesterday we had our inter group picnic with a volleyball tournament. Very few people signed up to be on the team and only later did I find out why. The team was pretty small and after a couple games I asked if I could play. Mind you I am 4 11 AND 93 Pounds. I suffer from little big girl syndrome and learned I really suck at volleyball. The team captain announced that everyone was targeting me and I was the weakest link. The ball was served moments after that and the ball was coming for me and the captain looked irate shoved me out of the way..hard and took my play. Needless to say, I was hurt and left. The tears were coming and I couldn't stop.

I just wanted to join in the fun with my group. They were not playing for fun. Lesson learned there. But I have a huge resentment against this mean shover. I discussed it with my sponsor who informed me I am just too small and frail to sign up for that. When I offered to mow the home groups very small lawn for some service work, my sponsor said I was too tiny for that too. So now I have two resentments. It seems like when I try to be helpful, I just keep getting downed about every single thing. Add to that, living with a dry grumpy drunk does not help. I'm angry all the time. Just about from the minute he comes in the door.

I know I sound like I'm on a pity pot, and I probably am. I think I have the lines on my ass to prove it :oops: I'm an isolator and now I don't want to return to my homegroup for a couple of days. Truth be told, I probably did lose the trophy for them.

I am so sorry that I deleted every post I put here. I was embarrassed to come back. Husband said I was going aa overboard and e aa was making me worse. Seriously was feeling better than I ever had in my life. I deleted posts that could have been helpful to someone because I was hurt,resentful and self centered.

Any words of wisdom? I keep giving it to God and taking it back.
Thanks for letting go me share
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Re: Huge resentment

Postby PaigeB » Mon Jul 18, 2016 10:40 am

Well it is good to know that AA's all over the place suffer from EGO like they do here. Let me tell you, some of the most serene people went crazy during a Big Book Trivia Contest recently. I know I will never play again. LOL. Funny what freaks folks out, but it is usually EGO and everybody's got one, just that "Some are sicker than others" as my sponsor says!

Pray fir them. Read Freedom From Bondage in the back of the Big Book and pray for the sick SOB's! :lol:
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Huge resentment

Postby Jaywalker Steve » Mon Jul 18, 2016 10:49 am

Although a lot of us try to live by the principles of the program, we're still sick to some degree. If I had it all together I wouldn't need AA to begin with so it's trying to get better day by day. Pages 66 and 67 in the Big Book help me the most with justifiable anger and resentment.
Every group has men and women who put too much thought and effort into their daily sobriety and not enough of themselves into their daily living. - Ed B., Akron, OH
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Re: Huge resentment

Postby Noels » Tue Jul 19, 2016 12:19 am

Hi Chelle, welcome back :D I was wondering what happened to you so thanks for sharing with us. Personally I believe we are never too small or too big to accomplish whatever we put our minds to so instead of carrying resentment I would go to the meeting, straighten myself up to my entire 4.11 and share that message with the group. Yes we are all sick but how are we going to know what to work on unless someone points us in the direction? Also, how is others going to know that their actions are hurting us unless we share that with them? If you really think about it - if the group's volleyball team was so great they would have won even WITH you in their team? Just look at Renaldo :lol: (I have no idea about soccer or sport in general but even I know about Renaldo so that tells you something :lol: )
With regards to your hubby - jeah, I understand where you're coming from. Mine has never been a drinker though, he just gets grumpy in general :lol: I think its an " age " thing with men :lol: There I ignore as much as I can and when I feel I cant ignore anymore I say something and the air is cleared. Then it is pleasant to be around him again for about two weeks :lol: Mostly I concentrate on the words " I cant control what others do or say but I can control how I react to it".
Welcome back and good luck! Don't carry resentments on others behalf hon. It weighs you down and slows your progress. Communication.
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Noels xxx
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Re: Huge resentment

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue Jul 19, 2016 3:40 am

There are sick people every-where. Thats where Don P made this statement: AA is a large fellowship, you need to figure out who your close kith and kins are. I remember early on, a guy with 2 years sobriety would recite the 9th step promises and everybody would plead him to recite them especially in the mens meeting I started attending. I stopped going to that meeting and this person got offended. I saw just because somebody could recite or quote the readings off the big book, mean nothing. The emails I received was so nasty and worse yet, he copied all the people in the group (it was a dinner and meeting at a house kind of small group on Wednesdays). And not a single member of the group said anything. I don't even go that group anymore leave alone this particular sub-set.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Huge resentment

Postby Chelle » Wed Jul 20, 2016 8:19 am

Thank you all for the feedback. Much appreciated. Good to hear others have experienced this type of thing. Noels, you have such a sunny disposition and I love it! Aveenish, I seriously considered changing home groups over this as well, but I'm trying to turn it positive and perhaps help someone else in the future about this so called fun game without naming names. Jaywalker, you are so right..we're sick that's why we are here.My ego was wounded and it must have happened for a reason.

Paige, we are a proud folk here in the Midwest aren't we?

Word is, the guy has been looking for me, so I guess he is seeing his part. I'm the kind of girl that would normally say " it's no big deal, don't worry about it", but I'm going to be honest and tell him "dude you really hurt my feelings and I considered changing groups". But, it has taught me that I'm probably just better at being a cheerleader on the sidelines when it comes to this stuff. The book says we are sensitive. Wow, I am. That's a fact! I asked God to help me with humility. Prayer answered. I must be careful what I wish for :)

Still not happy with my sponsors response, but Imore trying to get ok with that.

Good day all and thanks for letting me share.
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Re: Huge resentment

Postby cpr123 » Fri Aug 05, 2016 5:29 am

My first time to contact this group was due to a resentment at the ole home group. I think this is more common than people want to admit. Its been a few months now and I'm not holding onto it anymore. The person I thought would be a problem just kinda slipped into the background. I don't know about you but I like my home group for the most part I'd hate to have to leave because of a couple of personalities. Pray for the sick person is what I would and have been told by everyone. There is some dysfunction in my group and it has been there all along but I guess that is what the traditions are for. Maybe I should pray for the group too.
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