Kids in meetings

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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby clouds » Wed Feb 17, 2016 8:32 am

Ya know, I don't like to bring everybody down but my experience is maybe worth mentioning. Through listening to 5th steps and getting to know AA people I know of at least 8 people in AA, some aren't still sober today I don't think, that admitted to me or I knew first hand from a wife or child who had been abused, that these 8 people are child molesters who were never caught or taken to court, or the court didn't get a conviction.

These people freely went to meetings and to an Alano Club where moms and their kids hung out all the time. These people were not known to be offenders and had access to children at any time they chose.

Be very careful taking your children to alano clubs or meetings. Offenders are masters at keeping themselves looking innocent.

Once its happened, the child's mind and life is really messed up. No amount of therapy really cures this stuff, its poison. Neither the offender or the victim can come away from an event ok.
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed Feb 17, 2016 9:27 am

I just want to give my thoughts on the subject and maybe get some input from different people.


My suggestion would be to have a non-confrontational genuine discussion with your ex and bring up your concerns. If you still cant reconcile and you think what she is doing is right, you will have to go through your laywer. Sometimes, when we convey our position in a non-argumentative way, the other side my come down and consider our view point.
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby Ruready 60 » Thu Feb 18, 2016 4:25 am

avaneesh912 wrote:
I just want to give my thoughts on the subject and maybe get some input from different people.


My suggestion would be to have a non-confrontational genuine discussion with your ex and bring up your concerns. If you still cant reconcile and you think what she is doing is right, you will have to go through your laywer. Sometimes, when we convey our position in a non-argumentative way, the other side my come down and consider our view point.

I always heard that u cant control the way people treat u but u can control the way u act towards that treatment. I don't handle dumb as-ses to well and to put ur child in danger of some freak when u have a babysitter is nonsense and purely selfisnish. One guy on here said that he enjoyed fishing with the groups and camping trips. No thank you this sounds as though he likes these things to much. His child welfare is put second behind his love for these things. If he wants to befriend people from AA hey I think that's great but it should not be brought home and the child should not be involved. Theirs enough in this world to worry about with adding to it our children welfare should come first......................................................................thanks for ur input
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby Ruready 60 » Thu Feb 18, 2016 4:40 am

clouds wrote:Ya know, I don't like to bring everybody down but my experience is maybe worth mentioning. Through listening to 5th steps and getting to know AA people I know of at least 8 people in AA, some aren't still sober today I don't think, that admitted to me or I knew first hand from a wife or child who had been abused, that these 8 people are child molesters who were never caught or taken to court, or the court didn't get a conviction.

These people freely went to meetings and to an Alano Club where moms and their kids hung out all the time. These people were not known to be offenders and had access to children at any time they chose.

Be very careful taking your children to alano clubs or meetings. Offenders are masters at keeping themselves looking innocent.

Once its happened, the child's mind and life is really messed up. No amount of therapy really cures this stuff, its poison. Neither the offender or the victim can come away from an event ok.

Thanks I agree some people have to see it to believe it though and that's when I"m sorry really doesn't help. When a child has been molested its to late , Is it really that hard to understand. My son is laying next to right now sleeping and he told me that my ex and him go every night. Its really sad being his older sister who is 33 is now moved back in with their mother and him and could watch him also while she attended the meetings. Not to mention the late nights to bed the lack of sleep selfish people
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby ezdzit247 » Thu Feb 18, 2016 12:34 pm

Ruready 60 wrote:
If you believe your ex-wife is putting your son in danger by taking him to AA meetings, I would suggest you file a complaint with your county child-protective services and request that they investigate your allegations. If that agency finds any evidence that supports your theory on what constitutes child endangerment, they will intervene with a court order and remove the child from your ex's custody. Good luck.


See that is one thing I could do but doesn't it seem easier for the woman to just leave our child with his dad instead of making a big deal out of it. Im in the process of trying to get something done hell she has a drug problem anyway she should be at NA but the boyfriend goes to AA. thanks for the advice u have helped


From what you've posted so far, it doesn't appear to be your wife who is "making a big deal out of it". You are. Have you asked your son whether or not he likes going to AA meetings with his mom? Have you asked him whether or not he would prefer to spend time with you instead of going to mommy's meetings?

Involving CPS in your dispute with your ex wife is called a "nuclear option" and if you attempt to use this option as leverage to bully your ex wife into doing things your way, it could blow up in your face, not hers. If you choose to use this option to file a complaint without any evidence that any child endangerment has actually occurred, it could blow up in your face, not hers. There are better options, better ways of dealing with your present dispute and all future disputes with your ex wife regarding how to raise your son. Your chances of convincing the CPS, or a judge, that your wife is endangering your child by taking him to an AA meetings are about the same as convincing either that your wife is endangering your child by taking him shopping at a mall, or to a park, or skating rink, library, movie theater or any other public where child molesters are known to frequent. I would suggest you tread lightly and choose your options wisely....
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby PaigeB » Thu Feb 18, 2016 12:54 pm

If she has the child with her during the meeting what is the problem? NO ONE is going to lay hands on her or her child... around here, fellas stay well back from the women before and after the meetings. If I see a new gal, you can bet this old (woman) bar brawler will make sure no ill character of any gender, or of any crime, gets too close! :wink:

I think kids in meeting are just fine. We are off the topic a bit here with what else to do.. maybe investigate the new boyfriend and provide that info to the attorney of record. I agree about involving NOT CPS... they will investigate you and your family and job and girlfriends as well as hers. In Iowa the judge is always more likely to give custody to the parent who is most amenable to visitation and cooperation with the other parent. THAT is what they consider is in the best interest of the child. As well as sober parents and Judges have a pretty good opinion of AA too.

In the end it is a personal decision, not related to alcohol or to AA really.
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby D'oh » Thu Feb 18, 2016 6:45 pm

Ruready 60 wrote:
I always heard that u cant control the way people treat u but u can control the way u act towards that treatment. I don't handle dumb as-ses to well and to put ur child in danger of some freak when u have a babysitter is nonsense and purely selfisnish. One guy on here said that he enjoyed fishing with the groups and camping trips. No thank you this sounds as though he likes these things to much. His child welfare is put second behind his love for these things. If he wants to befriend people from AA hey I think that's great but it should not be brought home and the child should not be involved. Theirs enough in this world to worry about with adding to it our children welfare should come first......................................................................thanks for ur input

I think that you need a way to handle your resentments and leave your child out of it. Hopefully for their sake at least.

From what you say it seems that AA and Bait Shops hold all of the pervs in the world. Or if not, the kids should be locked in their rooms for fear that something would happen.

I would be more wary for the safety of my child in Public Transit, Parks, Schools, Streets, Amusement Parks, well pretty much everywhere else but at an AA meeting. 99% of the people there would not let any harm come to a child, in or out of a meeting. Including your Exe. Which is partly why I am typing this, as harsh as it is or maybe it is because I don't handle ( Edited by Moderator) to well. I will have to sort that out before going to sleep tonight.
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby tyg » Sat Feb 20, 2016 12:34 am

This is a great topic, let us remember the 12 Traditions and discuss this issue keeping Unity, among us.
12 Traditions checklist at: http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/smf-131_en.pdf
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby Lali » Sun Feb 21, 2016 7:50 pm

Ruready, you seem to be looking for stuff to bring into court against your ex. I don't see any problem with an 8 year old going to bed at 9:00. In alcoholic homes, and I'm wondering if it was the same with you and your ex, the children have more sleepless nights over their parents fighting than anything else. (I was one of those children that heard my parents fight all night.) EDITED to add: You might want to look into when your child's grades actually started going down.

And as someone else here has said, you need to pick your battles when you go to court, because a judge can often see right through battling exes, and you don't want to piss off the judge.
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