Kids in meetings

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Kids in meetings

Postby Ruready 60 » Tue Feb 16, 2016 1:04 pm

I just came aware that my ex is bring our 8 year old to her AA meetings with her. I just want to give my thoughts on the subject and maybe get some input from different people. I was informed by a neighbor of this I told my ex that I didn't think that it was a good place for a 8 year old to hang out. Being the parent she is though she has decided that of course I am wrong and she is continuing to bring him. I have been clean 13 years this month and thank God for AA it helped me a lot. I only made it to the 4th I did the rest with gods help and self willpower. I know that its easy for some of us then others and I think its a great that my ex wants help but I don't think it should be at the expense of our sons safety. I know lots people call themselves family but no this isn't all family that goes to these meetings some are court ordered and could give a sh-t less of the family. Some are wife abusers, scammers, child molesters and rapist. I have gone to many meetings and checked out these people and have befriended one child molester not knowing that he was sick. By the way he is in jail for molesting his 6 year old step daughter. I have a problem with a person that doesn't put their child's safety first. I went to the courthouse today to find out if they could help me lol. Only help I got was some young kid telling me that the Judge doesn't take appointments that I would have to get a lawyer. I know people going to these meetings may have a problem with hiring a babysitter or just don't have a place to take them I say stay home don't put your kids at danger. Think of what got u here it was your selfish ways think of the kids think of someone besides yourselves. Haven't the kids suffered enough without having to be around a room full of ex cons. If u have a place to take the kids lets say your exes house take them there not the meeting. I hear oh we have someone watch them while the meetings are going on lol yeah well I bet u have a bunch of people watching them some sick ones that you don't know about. So next time ur eating a cookie and drinking coffee hanging with the people you call your family watch and see how many are getting papers signed showing that they attended the meeting. Look around at the people and watch them stop focusing on yourself and take care of your kids they don't need to be at these meetings just my opinion thanks love to hear some feed back oh by the way I have offered to watch our son while she attended these meetings I'm 10 minutes away. Oh by the way she is now dating a guy from one also isn't that grand lol I would also like to add that the area we live in also provides high noon so this could be a simple solution being she doesn't work and our child is at school. He could do his homework and get his sleep not being drugged around until 9:00 at night. I have it all figured out lol no but its simple when u think about it.
Last edited by Ruready 60 on Tue Feb 16, 2016 4:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby PaigeB » Tue Feb 16, 2016 1:14 pm

Maybe you could help her by babysitting while she goes to the meeting?
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby clouds » Tue Feb 16, 2016 1:25 pm

I agree with you Ruready, kids shouldn't be at regular AA meetings.
When I was a young momwe had a woman's AA meeting that met st the homes of the women who hadn't got any transportation or babysitters so the kids could be with us there.

Unfortunately there isn't really any way to stop this situation as it seems most people are not capable of figuring out a better way of helping moms get organized into home groups where the kids would be more safe.

You could suggest the women with kids home group idea, probably the only way to keep your kids out of AA meetings.

All you can do is the best of your ability to keep them safe, could you go to that meeting she goes to to keep a watch out for your kids?
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby clouds » Tue Feb 16, 2016 1:26 pm

PaigeB wrote:Maybe you could help her by babysitting while she goes to the meeting?


I think Ruready mentioned he offered to do that, and is only 10 minites away. Seems she is not interested in that solution.
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby Layne » Tue Feb 16, 2016 1:30 pm

Ruready 60 wrote: Being the parent she is though she has decided that of course I am wrong and she is continuing to bring him.l

Wouldn't you say that being the parent you are though that you have decided of course that she is wrong? So who is right?

Wife abusers, scammers, child molesters and rapists; if they go to meetings are there only one hour a day, the other 23 hours a day they are out there in the big world. They don't wear signs around their necks so you can never be too sure who they are.

Wanting to protect your kids from undesirables is a loving thing to do, no doubt about it. But how to best go about it?

My parents did a damn good job of shielding me from the ugly side of the big world. I still wound up in a room of wife abusers, scammers, child molesters and rapists for an hour a day!
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby PaigeB » Tue Feb 16, 2016 2:13 pm

clouds wrote:
PaigeB wrote:Maybe you could help her by babysitting while she goes to the meeting?


I think Ruready mentioned he offered to do that, and is only 10 minites away. Seems she is not interested in that solution.

Oh MY! I missed that. Sorry. Women's meetings are a great idea, but the choice to be at a meeting rather than dead drunk is still a step up! And, in any meeting, she will have the child by her side and many sober, principled alcoholics to help watch their backs. Trying to control her recovery will probably not work any better than any situation I might try to control. Sometimes we have to have faith.

I hope it all turns out to the good.
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue Feb 16, 2016 2:13 pm

Some are wife abusers, scammers, child molesters and rapist.


Yep, only requirement for AA membership is a desire not to drink.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby Ruready 60 » Tue Feb 16, 2016 2:25 pm

PaigeB wrote:Maybe you could help her by babysitting while she goes to the meeting?

Yes I have offered but as a concern parent and actually having be a ex AA member like most exes she may have a problem with listening to my request. I just ty for ur feed back just wondering I'm going to c lawyer tomorrow. I failed to mention these meeting are also at night so they don't get home until 830 or 900 his grades have dropped not enough rest who does this to their child ???????
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby Ruready 60 » Tue Feb 16, 2016 2:42 pm

PaigeB wrote:
clouds wrote:
PaigeB wrote:Maybe you could help her by babysitting while she goes to the meeting?


I think Ruready mentioned he offered to do that, and is only 10 minites away. Seems she is not interested in that solution.

Oh MY! I missed that. Sorry. Women's meetings are a great idea, but the choice to be at a meeting rather than dead drunk is still a step up! And, in any meeting, she will have the child by her side and many sober, principled alcoholics to help watch their backs. Trying to control her recovery will probably not work any better than any situation I might try to control. Sometimes we have to have faith.

I hope it all turns out to the good.

No common sense should tell us who's right and wrong in this This isn't a park she is taking our son too these are meetings for adults so that they can get help. Now the only reason I can see a parent turning down help so that they can can go alone is they are using the child as a security blanket or they are selfish and are only thinking of their own well being. By the way she was having an affair with the guy at the meetings. My son never attended a meeting while I was their. But that's another story my concern is my son not her
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby ezdzit247 » Tue Feb 16, 2016 2:46 pm

Hi Ruready and welcome.

Congratulations on 13 years of sobriety!

The first time I got sober in AA, my son was 8 years old and I took him to meetings with me when I couldn't find a babysitter. He was so grateful that AA was helping mommy stay sober that he went around the neighborhood, knocking on doors and telling everyone that his mommy had joined AA and was sober. Kind of a relieved me of fretting about whether or when I should tell anyone I was an alcoholic or a member of AA after that 'cause EVERYBODY knew.... :lol:

To each his own, but I always figured my job as a parent was to prepare my son to be able to deal with life on life's terms in the real world when he became an adult. To that end, I've never tried to micromanage his exposure to people, places, and things but always encouraged him to ask questions and talk about anything. My guiding lights for meeting the challenges of parenthood were Dr. Spock, Maria Montessori, Karen Horny, Carl Jung, etc etc and Kahil Gibran, especially these passages from "The Prophet":

And a whoman who held a babe against her bosom said,
- Speak to us of children!

And he said:
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the Archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.


I bounced in and out of AA for almost two years, but finally got sober when my son was 10. I took him to many AA meetings, conventions, round-ups, and he knew all of my AA friends. We went fishing, surfing and camping with AA members, family night at the local ice rink and roller skating rink was usually full of AA members and their children, so my son pretty much grew up going to AA meetings and socializing with AA people and their kids. One of the benefits of this to him is, like me, he needed to know he wasn't the only one in the world with an alcoholic parent, and that the condition wasn't hopeless--that there was a solution to this problem. I have to say that I had great raw material to work with as far as raising this child, but his exposure to all those losers in AA meetings didn't harm him at all. He was a very warm, compassionate, loving child with a great sense of humor and has remained the same as an adult.

Keep coming back.....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby Ruready 60 » Tue Feb 16, 2016 3:45 pm

ezdzit247 wrote:Hi Ruready and welcome.

Congratulations on 13 years of sobriety!

The first time I got sober in AA, my son was 8 years old and I took him to meetings with me when I couldn't find a babysitter. He was so grateful that AA was helping mommy stay sober that he went around the neighborhood, knocking on doors and telling everyone that his mommy had joined AA and was sober. Kind of a relieved me of fretting about whether or when I should tell anyone I was an alcoholic or a member of AA after that 'cause EVERYBODY knew.... :lol:

To each his own, but I always figured my job as a parent was to prepare my son to be able to deal with life on life's terms in the real world when he became an adult. To that end, I've never tried to micromanage his exposure to people, places, and things but always encouraged him to ask questions and talk about anything. My guiding lights for meeting the challenges of parenthood were Dr. Spock, Maria Montessori, Karen Horny, Carl Jung, etc etc and Kahil Gibran, especially these passages from "The Prophet":

And a whoman who held a babe against her bosom said,
- Speak to us of children!

And he said:
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the Archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.


I bounced in and out of AA for almost two years, but finally got sober when my son was 10. I took him to many AA meetings, conventions, round-ups, and he knew all of my AA friends. We went fishing, surfing and camping with AA members, family night at the local ice rink and roller skating rink was usually full of AA members and their children, so my son pretty much grew up going to AA meetings and socializing with AA people and their kids. One of the benefits of this to him is, like me, he needed to know he wasn't the only one in the world with an alcoholic parent, and that the condition wasn't hopeless--that there was a solution to this problem. I have to say that I had great raw material to work with as far as raising this child, but his exposure to all those losers in AA meetings didn't harm him at all. He was a very warm, compassionate, loving child with a great sense of humor and has remained the same as an adult.

Keep coming back.....

Well that's great I also hung out with a molester worked on his car being a Mechanic and having my own shop had no ideal until I read about it in the paper. I didn't say all AA members were losers that's u said that. I read a article that says 14 percent of the people that go their are court ordered I think its higher myself but this is no place for a child to hang out common sense should tell us this. My concern is with my child's welfare can u guarantee me that he will be safe lol why no you cant. These meetings should be closed to minors but its people with out common sense or none thinking that has a problem comprehending this. Fishing huh so you trusted a person well enough to take ur son out in the woods with a stranger that don't sound to smart to me just saying. 13 years of sobriety has just helped me realize that even a nice person can be sick. I don't want my child around nice people if they have to come from AA. Remember Im a ex AA member its not for kids Adults only should be rated with some of the stuff that goes on. Remember 14 percent no I think I will take my chances at the park lol
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby Ruready 60 » Tue Feb 16, 2016 4:05 pm

clouds wrote:I agree with you Ruready, kids shouldn't be at regular AA meetings.
When I was a young momwe had a woman's AA meeting that met st the homes of the women who hadn't got any transportation or babysitters so the kids could be with us there.

Unfortunately there isn't really any way to stop this situation as it seems most people are not capable of figuring out a better way of helping moms get organized into home groups where the kids would be more safe.

You could suggest the women with kids home group idea, probably the only way to keep your kids out of AA meetings.

All you can do is the best of your ability to keep them safe, could you go to that meeting she goes to to keep a watch out for your kids?

If I did that she would be upset and for sure I was spying on her She also has a new boyfriend at AA so a woman's group wouldn't work.
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby ezdzit247 » Tue Feb 16, 2016 8:05 pm

Ruready 60 wrote: Well that's great I also hung out with a molester worked on his car being a Mechanic and having my own shop had no ideal until I read about it in the paper. I didn't say all AA members were losers that's u said that. I read a article that says 14 percent of the people that go their are court ordered I think its higher myself but this is no place for a child to hang out common sense should tell us this. My concern is with my child's welfare can u guarantee me that he will be safe lol why no you cant. These meetings should be closed to minors but its people with out common sense or none thinking that has a problem comprehending this. Fishing huh so you trusted a person well enough to take ur son out in the woods with a stranger that don't sound to smart to me just saying. 13 years of sobriety has just helped me realize that even a nice person can be sick. I don't want my child around nice people if they have to come from AA. Remember Im a ex AA member its not for kids Adults only should be rated with some of the stuff that goes on. Remember 14 percent no I think I will take my chances at the park lol


Like I said, to each his own.

I don't know how it is in your state, but in my state there are quite a few AA members who are still in their teens going to AA meetings and some of them have come to AA as young as 8 and 9 years old. Also, in my state, convicted sex offenders are required to register and one of the conditions of release and probation for persons convicted of child molestation is they can't frequent any places where there are any minor children present....such as an AA meeting. Since no judge or probation officer would or could require a convicted child molester to go to AA meetings, and it's been that way for many decades now, I was confident my son was safe when he accompanied me to my AA meetings. If your state handles these issues differently, perhaps you should do some research and find out how the powers that be do handle such issues.

If you believe your ex-wife is putting your son in danger by taking him to AA meetings, I would suggest you file a complaint with your county child-protective services and request that they investigate your allegations. If that agency finds any evidence that supports your theory on what constitutes child endangerment, they will intervene with a court order and remove the child from your ex's custody. Good luck.
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby D'oh » Tue Feb 16, 2016 8:47 pm

So let me get this straight. Both you and your Ex have had troubles with alcohol, and having nothing to do with genetics, you are worried about your 8 YO being pre exposed to another way of living that doesn't involve drinking?

I think that there might be more to the storey than an 8 YO at a meeting.

Which BTW does not bother me at all. I am sure that very few 4th graders know me and who cares even if they do. I get more concerned about a member using an excuse that they "can't find a sitter"
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Re: Kids in meetings

Postby Ruready 60 » Tue Feb 16, 2016 10:04 pm

ezdzit247 wrote:
Ruready 60 wrote: Well that's great I also hung out with a molester worked on his car being a Mechanic and having my own shop had no ideal until I read about it in the paper. I didn't say all AA members were losers that's u said that. I read a article that says 14 percent of the people that go their are court ordered I think its higher myself but this is no place for a child to hang out common sense should tell us this. My concern is with my child's welfare can u guarantee me that he will be safe lol why no you cant. These meetings should be closed to minors but its people with out common sense or none thinking that has a problem comprehending this. Fishing huh so you trusted a person well enough to take ur son out in the woods with a stranger that don't sound to smart to me just saying. 13 years of sobriety has just helped me realize that even a nice person can be sick. I don't want my child around nice people if they have to come from AA. Remember Im a ex AA member its not for kids Adults only should be rated with some of the stuff that goes on. Remember 14 percent no I think I will take my chances at the park lol


Like I said, to each his own.

I don't know how it is in your state, but in my state there are quite a few AA members who are still in their teens going to AA meetings and some of them have come to AA as young as 8 and 9 years old. Also, in my state, convicted sex offenders are required to register and one of the conditions of release and probation for persons convicted of child molestation is they can't frequent any places where there are any minor children present....such as an AA meeting. Since no judge or probation officer would or could require a convicted child molester to go to AA meetings, and it's been that way for many decades now, I was confident my son was safe when he accompanied me to my AA meetings. If your state handles these issues differently, perhaps you should do some research and find out how the powers that be do handle such issues.

If you believe your ex-wife is putting your son in danger by taking him to AA meetings, I would suggest you file a complaint with your county child-protective services and request that they investigate your allegations. If that agency finds any evidence that supports your theory on what constitutes child endangerment, they will intervene with a court order and remove the child from your ex's custody. Good luck.

See that is one thing I could do but doesn't it seem easier for the woman to just leave our child with his dad instead of making a big deal out of it. Im in the process of trying to get something done hell she has a drug problem anyway she should be at NA but the boyfriend goes to AA. thanks for the advice u have helped
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