People chronically late for meetings and sharing

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People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Postby Sleddog75 » Sat Nov 28, 2015 2:37 pm

Just a quick query regarding chronic people who arrive late. None of my business, however, I chair a lot of meetings throughout the week and I am a firm believer that I generally try to ask those who are on time to share before I get to those who arrive late. Personally, arriving chronically late is an ego of sorts. This is strictly my opinion that both myself and sponsor vigorously share. I understand there is no literature on this topic which is why I just thought I'd ask for some general thoughts or comments. The only reason I ask is because I've had a few members inquire why I rarely ask those who arrive late to share. Personal opinion I guess. Have a good two four

-Sled
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Postby Tosh » Sat Nov 28, 2015 4:37 pm

I'm an ex soldier; I'm early for everything. But anything that annoys me, including the punctuality of others, is a learning opportunity, if I want it to be.

Personally, I think even attempting to make the alkies in your area punctual would be a bit like herding cats.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Postby Sleddog75 » Sat Nov 28, 2015 4:42 pm

i know what thats like...getting aa people to do anything as a group is like herding cats for sure. and my sponsor is military as well and a 30 year member. today after many years, i was 20 mins early for the meeting and he was all over me about my whereabouts. 30 minutes early, put on coffee be an example...haha but its such a valuable lesson. im early for EVERYTHING in life now. makes me an all-star at work :)
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Postby Tosh » Sat Nov 28, 2015 5:12 pm

Sleddog75 wrote: be an example...haha


That's good leadership skills; leading by example. I also think it's a source of power. I don't know about you, but me, I'm crap when it comes to doing stuff - that I should be doing - but only 'I' benefit from. Unless a metaphorical 'bat to my face' is heading my way, I'll put it off or not bother at all.

So by being 'an example' means I'm motivated to do the stuff I should be doing but don't always want to do, like getting to meetings early, but with the intention of being useful (leading by example) to others.

I'm not sure if I've explained that properly.

It sounds like you've got a great sponsor.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Postby Robert R » Sun Nov 29, 2015 2:59 am

One past member of a group I attend was typically 15 minutes late. The reason? Fear and paranoia! He believed that if anyone saw him in that area before meeting start time they might think he was a drunk heading to the AA meeting :shock:
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Postby D'oh » Sun Nov 29, 2015 7:08 am

Personally, if I went to a meeting and a late comer wasn't allowed to share. I would talk to the later comer after the meeting. Just to see if everything was OK. If I attended a second meeting and a late comer wasn't allowed to share (same member or different). I would STOP going to that meeting.

The chair person is not God, so why do they have the right to take others inventories? Who is to say the late comer wasn't spreading the message somewhere causing them to be late. Helping a little old lady across a street, delivering Meals on Wheels, or anything? And who gave anyone of us the right to judge? The truth is that they made it to the meeting, late but they are still there.

Maybe you opened the meeting too early and you shouldn't be allowed to share.
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Postby ezdzit247 » Sun Nov 29, 2015 12:09 pm

I can think of several reasons why some AA members may be "chronically" late for meetings,i.e. their babysitter is chronically late, their kids have an abandonment issue crises just as mommy or daddy starts to walk out the door, the person they depend on for rides is chronically late, they have a boss who chronically waits until they've clocked out to initiate a chat session, the have chronic car troubles they can't afford to pay to fix properly, etc, etc, etc. and a dozen more reasons out of their control that are none of my business. Whenever I did meeting secretary duties or chaired a discussion meeting I called on members to share who looked agitated or stressed because I figured they were the ones who actually needed to share what was going on in their lives. I never used my trusted servant position to punish or reward another AA member...ever.
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Postby PaigeB » Sun Nov 29, 2015 2:22 pm

"You're only late to your first meeting!"

I was quite a few years late...
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Re: People chronically late & sharing

Postby No.3 » Tue Dec 01, 2015 4:52 pm

I think it just depends - seems wrong to penalize the chronically tardy on that point alone. However, that's typically not the case, the offense is compounded...

Often, the individual isn't sharing any message of hope, or the message is window-dressing for me-me-me sharing, personal living issues and whatnot, in ego-driven disregard for the group/meeting. For me the teeth-gnashing moment comes when we all get a happy/sad/funny "cat update" lol I see that type of narcissist fairly often: never on time, always eating in the meeting (unemployed: totally unnecessary) always first to put up her hand, and sharing waaaay too long. It's a familiar type everywhere, I'd guess. They don't bother me, I'll laugh at the 'cat moment' now.

If you're chairing the meeting, it's your choice whom to call. If a clique senses one of theirs isn't getting enough "me time," they might speak to you, YES.
"The Group demands total loyalty to the inner group. Some have had to leave the movement because of the Groups' demands which conflict with truth or duty." The Oxford Groups by Herbert H. Henson, 1933, pages 73-74.
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Postby tyg » Wed Dec 02, 2015 1:33 am

Whether someone has a good reason for being late or not. They may have an ES&H that someone in the room needs to hear.
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Postby Patsy© » Sat Dec 19, 2015 5:04 am

Just a quick query regarding chronic people who arrive late. None of my business, however, I chair a lot of meetings throughout the week and I am a firm believer that I generally try to ask those who are on time to share before I get to those who arrive late. Personally, arriving chronically late is an ego of sorts. This is strictly my opinion that both myself and sponsor vigorously share. I understand there is no literature on this topic which is why I just thought I'd ask for some general thoughts or comments. The only reason I ask is because I've had a few members inquire why I rarely ask those who arrive late to share. Personal opinion I guess. Have a good two four

-Sled




This is a great example of why the chairperson at AA meetings needs to change often...very often. The Chairperson is there for SERVICE, as we all are. The Chairperson is not there to determine who is personally chosen to speak based on who meets their personal criteria for being allowed to speak. This is also a FINE example of Edging God Out....and we all know what FINE means! lol
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!
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