Home Group Decision

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Home Group Decision

Postby Larryp713 » Wed Nov 04, 2015 8:39 am

I am debating leaving my current home group and joining another, and was interested in hearing others experience or advice.

My current home group has several meetings every day and a fairly large membership base. It is very diverse and has good leadership. It also has a lot of newcomers. It is the closest meeting to my house, so I will always attend meetings here. But there is another, smaller group I really like. They meet twice per week and only have about ten members, but those members are very serious about AA and I admire many of them greatly. I have had a couple of them suggest that I join their home group, but they have not pressed me.

I have 10 months sober and currently chair a meeting at my home group and serve as the clean-up coordinator. We are having our elections Tuesday, and I think that would be a good time to inform them of my decision. I doubt anybody will be offended, but I feel slightly disloyal. Thanks for letting me write this out, and I look forward to hearing opinions. - Larry
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Re: Home Group Decision

Postby Niagara » Wed Nov 04, 2015 8:56 am

Hey Larry,

When it comes to making decisions like this, I inventory it - yes really. Not in the step 4 sense, but in a list of pro's and cons for each. Then I look at it in black and white, and make a decision based on that fact.

Sometimes I make the right decision, sometimes I don't....either way, I learn from it. Making my own decisions has been a source of growth for me :)
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Re: Home Group Decision

Postby PaigeB » Wed Nov 04, 2015 11:29 am

I think it is just fine to change Home Groups, so long as commitments are completed or passed on.

Sounds like you have some good AA in your area! I too live in a little "pocket of enthusiasm". If I chose to change home groups I know that I would have loving support in doing so and always be welcome at my original home group.
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Re: Home Group Decision

Postby leejosepho » Wed Nov 04, 2015 12:50 pm

Larryp713 wrote:My current home group has several meetings every day and a fairly large membership base. It is very diverse and has good leadership.

In my own opinion, any group so large that at least half its members are not in attendance at every one of its meetings needs to be taking a real close look at what is actually going on. In the town where I first got sober, one "group" had 35 meetings per week -- utterly impossible for any two or three alcoholics calling themselves an A.A. group (Tradition Three) -- and G.S.O. even got involved with helping that "group steering committee" see the overall error.
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Re: Home Group Decision

Postby Larryp713 » Thu Nov 05, 2015 8:06 am

leejosepho wrote:
Larryp713 wrote:My current home group has several meetings every day and a fairly large membership base. It is very diverse and has good leadership.

In my own opinion, any group so large that at least half its members are not in attendance at every one of its meetings needs to be taking a real close look at what is actually going on. In the town where I first got sober, one "group" had 35 meetings per week -- utterly impossible for any two or three alcoholics calling themselves an A.A. group (Tradition Three) -- and G.S.O. even got involved with helping that "group steering committee" see the overall error.


That is interesting, Lee. My current/old home group has pockets of core people - some that go to most of the noon meetings, some that go to the evening meetings, and some that go to weekends because of their work schedule. I am sure there are several consistent members who have not seen other consistent members in almost a year or more, probably don't even know everybody. In my first year, I have gone to just about every meeting they have, so I know almost everybody. But I definitely see some people who are less active slide under the radar, and I don't know if they are getting the benefit of being a member of a home group, which is service opportunities.

One thing I do know is that my new home group will provide me with plenty of service opportunities. They stress all sides of the triangle. I spoke with my sponsor yesterday and he supports this decision for me primarily for that reason - it is less easy to sit on my laurels when actively involved in a small home group. I had not considered the other side, that such a large home group could be counterproductive. I will talk to some of the old timers around here and ask their opinions. Thanks - Larry
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Re: Home Group Decision

Postby Tosh » Thu Nov 05, 2015 8:08 am

You could change homegroup, but then use your old group, which you say has lots of newcomers, to hook them into the program.

It sounds like you'd have the best of both worlds.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: Home Group Decision

Postby Layne » Thu Nov 05, 2015 8:51 am

In my area there are two groups that have meetings that I like to attend for different reasons. They usually have attendance numbers that are similar even though the base membership numbers are substantially different.

The smaller base group has rock solid old timers with great ESH. I like to attend that meeting because of all the wonderful ESH shared. Attending that meeting is more for "me".

The larger base group doesn't have near as many rock solid old timers with great ESH. I attend that meeting because It gives me more opportunities to practice the responsibility declaration. Attending that meeting is more for "we".

I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else, but I understand perfectly what I am trying say. :lol:
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Re: Home Group Decision

Postby leejosepho » Thu Nov 05, 2015 11:36 am

Larryp713 wrote:My current/old home group has pockets of core people - some that go to most of the noon meetings, some that go to the evening meetings, and some that go to weekends because of their work schedule. I am sure there are several consistent members who have not seen other consistent members in almost a year or more, probably don't even know everybody.

I am not saying there is anything wrong with that, and those "pockets" of people might or might not be interested in calling themselves A.A. groups. But then if one or another might decide to change something about its particular meeting/s, you might discover there is a steering committee of some kind deciding things like that even though committee members never attend the meeting/s it might be deciding about. In my perception of things, that is government, not group autonomy and I would guess the committee simply collects all the voluntary contributions from all meetings and places them in a single treasury that is actually that of a clubhouse or meeting hall rather than a simple A.A. group.

Larryp713 wrote:One thing I do know is that my new home group will provide me with plenty of service opportunities. They stress all sides of the triangle.

Recovery begets unity so service can even be possible, so just be certain recovery is always first and service is always last! ;)
=======================
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("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================
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Re: Home Group Decision

Postby tyg » Thu Nov 05, 2015 2:20 pm

I had a home group that met once weekly, with say, 8 regular old-timers(20+yrs), and maybe 15 people total attendees. I enjoy the members there and still attend regularly.

However, I got another home group. I needed a more active meeting, one with diversity & newcomer traffic. I found a meeting with member participation in the group conscious meetings, discussing ways to be there for anyone who reaches out for help, and participating in AA outside of the group level (GSR, Intergroup Rep, Assemblies, committees, etc). This is how I learned about the 12 Traditions and 12 Concepts and how beneficial they are when applied.

I like pro's & con's lists and running things by other alcoholics. But, seeking out all my motives for doing something always needs a thorough look. Inventory on paper handles that. These all help me do what that god-consciousness is trying to tell me. I find, there really are no mistakes to make, just learning experiences for change and growth. Anytime my decisions take a nose dive, I'm reminded that, the "results," could have gone either way. lol...What doesn't kill me...
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Re: Home Group Decision

Postby Iand2015 » Sat Nov 07, 2015 10:51 am

Hi im ian I'm an alcoholic and I'm struggling with this can anyone help me
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Re: Home Group Decision

Postby Brock » Sat Nov 07, 2015 11:44 am

Welcome to e-AA Ian. Where your post is perhaps others did not see it, so I am the first to welcome you. When new folks come on here we know how they feel because we were there ourselves. Most of the advice you will likely get will mention that you should contact AA in your area for a list of meetings, going may be a little scary at first but you will find friendly people, and you come or go as you please no pressure whatever.

The main thing for me was that I believed the struggle would end if I did what they recommended, and it worked out really well. The desire to drink does go away pretty well 100%, and the program is quite easy to follow.

If you Google “AA Big Book” you can have a look at our main text, it is not the easiest of books to read and understand at first, but if you read 'The Doctors Opinion' and maybe 'There is a solution' and 'How it works' those chapters will give you a good idea of what it's about. So try to locate those area meetings and best of luck, it will get better.
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Re: Home Group Decision

Postby PaigeB » Sat Nov 07, 2015 12:50 pm

Here is the USA General Service website link to AA Near You
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources

Look around that site for our literature too!
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Re: Home Group Decision

Postby BPG » Sat Nov 07, 2015 12:54 pm

leejosepho wrote:Recovery begets unity so service can even be possible, so just be certain recovery is always first and service is always last!


I believe that true recovery--- without service --- is not possible. Because it is through service that our alcoholic obsession with self can be mitigated. I was in AA a long time before this became clear to me, maybe because I would have preferred that this NOT be the case. (It takes what it takes! :) )

That's why wise sponsors make service work an early and integral part of their advisory program.
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Re: Home Group Decision

Postby tyg » Sun Nov 08, 2015 4:30 am

Iand2015 wrote:Hi im ian I'm an alcoholic and I'm struggling with this can anyone help me

Hi Ian, welcome to the forum. Please share some more and even start a new topic if you like. Plenty people here to answer any questions and share our experience, strength and hope how we recovered. Google, (your city) Alcoholics Anonymous intergroup office. You'll find a website listing a phone number and an address. Feel free to call them or visit in person and talk to another alcoholic. The office and their website will have meeting schedules and list other AA events that are happening in your area.


PaigeB wrote:Here is the USA General Service website link to AA Near You
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources

This is a North America meeting list and also has some great literature, all free for the reading.
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Re: Home Group Decision

Postby leejosepho » Sun Nov 08, 2015 4:50 am

BPG wrote:
leejosepho wrote:Recovery begets unity so service can even be possible, so just be certain recovery is always first and service is always last!


I believe that true recovery--- without service --- is not possible.

That would depend upon what is meant by "service", and I have never considered taking care of one's own group's day-to-day responsibilities as "service". At least for myself, service" began after having learned the principles of amended living:

"At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us." (page 77)
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================
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