Looking For a Sponsor

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
jimmymac64
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Looking For a Sponsor

Post by jimmymac64 » Thu Apr 12, 2012 11:34 am

Hi Everyone,

I've been sober coming up on 5 months now and do not have a sponsor yet. I joined a home group since finishing a 35 day treatment program and attend at least 2 meetings per week at my home group. I know that most people in my position have a sponsor at this point but I have a few reservations about asking someone. I'm worried that I will be turned down and my self confidence, as fragile as it is, would suffer even more. I am at the point, though, that I would really like someone to be able to confide in and help me proceed through the steps. I've been reading quite a bit about step 4 and 5 and would like to get started on them. Is there any specific time that a person should be sober before becoming a sponsor? The person I have in mind gets his one year medallion next week and we get along quite well but I feel he might feel a bit overwhelmed at being asked to be a sponsor with only a years sobriety.

Any comments would be helpful.

Thanks

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avaneesh912
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Re: Looking For a Sponsor

Post by avaneesh912 » Thu Apr 12, 2012 11:36 am

Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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PaigeB
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Re: Looking For a Sponsor

Post by PaigeB » Thu Apr 12, 2012 11:42 am

Get a sponsor that HAS a sponsor! That would be my first question: "Do you have a sponsor?". My second question would be have they worked the Steps with a sponsor...

I don't think you should be worried about getting turned down, quite the opposite! In fact! YOU ARE HIRING a sponsor. You get to choose. If someone turns you down, it is equal to them having not put in an application with your company. It might be a little sad, but still you get to ask the questions and pick the right person for you!

It is an opportunity - there are no failures, just many roads to choose!
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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Marc L
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Re: Looking For a Sponsor

Post by Marc L » Thu Apr 12, 2012 1:47 pm

jimmymac64 wrote:Hi Everyone,

I've been sober coming up on 5 months now and do not have a sponsor yet. I joined a home group since finishing a 35 day treatment program and attend at least 2 meetings per week at my home group. I know that most people in my position have a sponsor at this point but I have a few reservations about asking someone. I'm worried that I will be turned down and my self confidence, as fragile as it is, would suffer even more. I am at the point, though, that I would really like someone to be able to confide in and help me proceed through the steps. I've been reading quite a bit about step 4 and 5 and would like to get started on them. Is there any specific time that a person should be sober before becoming a sponsor? The person I have in mind gets his one year medallion next week and we get along quite well but I feel he might feel a bit overwhelmed at being asked to be a sponsor with only a years sobriety.

Any comments would be helpful.

Thanks
Hi;
I'm Marc and I'm Alcoholic.
You do not need a sponsor to get started on Steps 4 and 5. Just start writing.
There are many resources available for free on the net to guide you.
If and when when you meet someone... show him/her your stuff and say 'Now you show me Yours' :lol:

Marc
Recovery won't just happen by Osmosis. You gonna' have to work at it some.
12th Step work ain't just a job... It's an Adventure.

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Todd M
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Re: Looking For a Sponsor

Post by Todd M » Thu Apr 12, 2012 4:17 pm

I might be Thinking a bit old school here...

if you are Ready, Pray and Say So in a meeting, loud and clear: "I am Ready Willing, and I want a Sponsor Today"
if your group is like my group
After the meeting, Several ol'timers will dirrect some good sponsors your way.
and Pick one, dont be picky... just get on with it. :idea: :arrow: :!:

Storys i have heard from the ol'timers are along these lines
"I did not get to Pick a Sponsor, a Sponsor was assinged to me"

<>
at my home group (a large Group, 30-50 attend the Noon and 7:30 daily meetings)
we announce at the start of every meeting
"we encourage Sponsorship, there is a list of Sponsors in our white notebook"
and it gets passed around during the meeting.

at the end of the Meeting, we again say: "Anyone willing to be a sponsor, Raise your hand" and many do.
There is Hope, Todd M
Keep it Simple

The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link:
http://www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php

less_is_more
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Re: Looking For a Sponsor

Post by less_is_more » Sat Sep 29, 2012 9:30 pm

I like the sounds of a sponsor being assigned, just saying. :idea: I'm very new to this, and it's way out of my comfort zone to impose myself on someone else, I think it would probably move things along some. Surely if someone is coming to meeting after meeting they are there for more than just a fun evening out! :? You all are real blasts to be around, but night after night??? :lol:
OH, hey, here I am lurking again! :oops:
learning to forgive myself...

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ann2
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Re: Looking For a Sponsor

Post by ann2 » Sat Sep 29, 2012 11:52 pm

Hi less_is_more, good to read you. I think I had the same feeling when I got to AA. I was waiting for my sponsor to come out of the woodwork. People kept talking about sponsors but I couldn't figure out where mine was.

Finally I attended a meeting where "temporary sponsors" were offered -- the secretary announced that group members willing to sponsor would stand up, and they did, and I picked one out and approached her. I was talking to her for a while and she finally said, "are you asking me to sponsor you?" and even then I couldn't get the words out.

But she did help me, a lot, and I was lucky to meet her. After a few 24 hours I found myself in Finland and mostly doing AA online, and it was then I noticed that I was reading one lady's shares in particular and looking for her most often. Then it dawned on me that I could ask her to sponsor me. I did and she said yes.

I have to tell you that the experience of asking someone was a big part of my recovery, something I didn't understand when I first got to AA. Seeing what I wanted, and making the effort to get it, and being aware of that in me actually added to my spiritual growth.

But any way it happened, either through my sneaky sidling up to the lady who offered herself in the meeting, or my risk-taking question in a chat room, I was very very lucky. So I would say, think about this, pray about it, meditate on it, and the path toward what you need will appear.

Great to have you here!

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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Tommy-S
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Re: Looking For a Sponsor

Post by Tommy-S » Sun Sep 30, 2012 12:26 pm

Welcome, Less is More

Seems like it's a lot to see the same AA faces night after night, yet that never bothered me drinking in a bar? :)

At least not until I got worse and then the same & guilt of what I did last time I was there worked on me, forcing me "into hiding" some place else when drinking.

I was fortunate as we had limited number of AA's on the ship when I got sober. I heard "Sponsor" long enough that I finally asked, "How do you get a Sponsor?'
They told me, "Pick one of us you like."
I laughed because I didn't any of them. They were way too happy to suit me.
Then it was suggested to find someone who was as crazy as I was drinking, for obviously, he had found the way out of the mess I was in.
That made it plain who I needed. There was one guy who had drank and did stuff like I did, and he had a few years sober now. And it worked out.

Sponsor is simply a Coach to make the team, or a Tour Guide to take me where I hadn't been... Sober, Sane, and of Service.

It's Not a marriage, and sometimes the match doesn't work. So I pick again. Today, I stick with men who have demonstrated they can stay sober, work through Life situations, and know how to apply the Principles... In order words, people who got what I want.

Get to know people in the rooms, and share yourself.... I find when others get to know me, those who have been through similar situations as me will make themselves known, and IF they have successfully worked through those situations, then they are probably pretty good choices... Ask them to Coach you.

Thanks for sharing with us, and look forward to more

Tommy
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!

Service
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Re: Looking For a Sponsor

Post by Service » Thu Oct 25, 2012 4:00 am

ALREADY HERE IN A.A ? Use the group as a WHOLE and you won't get any baleful results.
Don't worry about finding an outside sponsorship system, they will find you- they already have !! :shock:

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Tommy-S
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Re: Looking For a Sponsor

Post by Tommy-S » Fri Oct 26, 2012 8:47 pm

Use the group as a WHOLE and you won't get any baleful results.
That's the Higher Power substitution that's suggested. (see 12 x 12, pg 27)

No where in AA literature will you find a suggestion to "use a Group as your Sponsor"... That's Not sponsorship, it's an Opinion Poll, taken by Folks at the meeting asking , "What do you think?" and going around the room until they find someone to endorse the B.S. they already decided they wanted. It's what my kids do...If Daddy won't let them, then go ask Mommy :)

Humility is asking for Help. In Step 3, I learned I HAD to give up
"the right to decide all by ourselves just what we shall think and just how we shall act. ...All the decision are to be ours alone. Nobody is going to meddle with our personal independence...Besides, we think, there is no one we can surely trust." (12 x12, pg 37)
It's FEAR, plain and simple. I learned to Quit playing God, as
"The philosophy of self-sufficiency wasn't paying off." (12 x 12, pg 37)
Further,
"Going it alone in Spiritual Matters is Dangerous" (12 x 12, pg 60)
Step 11 calls the person
"who runs his life rigidly by ...this self-serving demand of God for replies, is a particularly disconcerting individual...forcing his own will into all sorts of situations and problems withthe comfortable assurance that he is acting under God's specific direction..Under an ILLUSION (12 x 12, pg 103-104)

"It is worth noting that people of very high spiritual development almost Always insist on checking with friends or spiritual advisors the guidance they feel they receive from God." (12 x 12, pg 60)
All of this is a suggestion... But if you are making a cake, and want it to look like the picture on the box, then follow the recipe to succeed. :)

Keep coming back, you help me stay sober. Thanks... Tommy
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!

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johnd
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Re: Looking For a Sponsor

Post by johnd » Sat Oct 27, 2012 5:52 am

Hi jimmymac,
When you attend any one of your meetings look for a table that has AA approved literature and pamphlets.
Look to see if the pamphlet "Questions & Answers on Sponsorship", The amount of time of sobriety should be A year or more
but I would suggest someone 5 or more years sober and are involved in Big Book meetings and Step study's. Also if your area has Big book step study meetings you may want to start attending there. They will help getting you a sponsor and guide through the step process, If you feel comfortable enough with your AA friend with a year ask him how he got a sponsor. You're doing fine from the sounds of it you are willing to grow more in recovery. Keep on going make the miracle happen. Keep us posted on your progress.
We all had to start somewhere might as well be the beginning :) I wish you well and good luck
John D
"Sobriety First"
"Old Time AA Never Hurt Anyone"
Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans- Anonymous

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crashab
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Re: Looking For a Sponsor

Post by crashab » Mon Nov 26, 2012 6:49 pm

Good information here, thanks for sharing everyone.

MitchellK
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Re: Looking For a Sponsor

Post by MitchellK » Mon Nov 26, 2012 8:55 pm

It was written - "Get a sponsor that HAS a sponsor! That would be my first question: "Do you have a sponsor?". My second question would be have they worked the Steps with a sponsor..."

I wonder where that urban myth started? In the early days of AA, sponsors took people through the steps and told them to go forth and work with others. I don't remember anywhere in any archives where it was written or in the oral histories where anyone asked their sponsor if they had a sponsor. I wonder if Dr. Bob was ever asked if he had a sponsor of if he worked the steps with a sponsor?

My sponsor had a sponsor and when that sponsor passed on he never got another sponsor. When my sponsor passed on I never got another sponsor. My sponsor's sponsor introduced him to what was then the way of life as it was given at that time and my sponsor took me through the 12 steps. The purpose of a sponsor as it was explained to me is as a guide through the steps.

kenyal
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Re: Looking For a Sponsor

Post by kenyal » Mon Nov 26, 2012 9:16 pm

I learned a valuable lesson from my first sponsor in that he would not take the bait I was continually throwing out. He would not volunteer to enter into a sponsor-sponsee relationship with me and I couldn't con him into rescuing me from my deep fears of rejection which I conveyed well and clearly whenever I could manage to insert references to them.

He did me the great kindness of forcing me ask him for his help directly.

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ann2
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Re: Looking For a Sponsor

Post by ann2 » Tue Nov 27, 2012 1:59 am

kenyal wrote:He did me the great kindness of forcing me ask him for his help directly.
excellent. this was a profound experience for me as well.

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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