My sponsor fired me last night

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
happycamper
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Re: My sponsor fired me last night

Post by happycamper » Tue Mar 27, 2012 3:49 am

Are you sure, without a doubt that you are the 'real' alcoholic, the way our book describes?

Several things Ive noticed over this thread....

I was taught by my own sponsor to be loving and tolerant of sponsee's. Yes, I want to follow the book and chapter 7. And yes, if you're wasting my time, I dont want to necessarily work with you, I want to work with someone who sinceraly wants to work the program and get sober the AA way. ( and yes, AA isn't the only way to get sober, but it is the only way that has worked for me , and so therefor its the only way I know how to guide another drunk ).

I would tell you, if you're not serious, then dont waste my time. I pray I never tell anyone to 'have fun drinking' ... geez!

When any sponsee's of mine get drunk, we dont even worry about doing a 5th step. We go right back to number 1, because obviously they forgot they were powerless over alcohol.

I was told not to pick apart this program of AA, to keep it simple. And that if I wanted to succeed, I would need a God, a sponsor , the book, 12 steps and most importantly... other ppl. I have all of these things, and they are free!! FREE- not much in this world today that is free anymore right? Why in the name of God would I want to question or balk at anything that keeps me alive , sober, and living a really good life? I dont.

When I look for the good in life, I see the good. When I go searching for the not so good, its only inevitable that I am going to find fault.
Faith without works is dead

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Re: My sponsor fired me last night

Post by Mike O » Tue Mar 27, 2012 5:09 am

BigD wrote:
avaneesh912 wrote:Figure out the short-comings/character defects via the 4th step and start addressing those and also start making amends and work the 10th (watching for the short-comings to keep coming back). You will find the power to overcome this spiritual malady.
No one has been ever been able to answer this question to my satisfaction, so I'll ask it here: do we drink because we have shortcomings/defects, or because we have an illness and are powerless? If I'm powerless, what do my shortcomings have to do with it?

serious question. BTW, thanks for all the replies. You guys are great for listening to my BS
I am an alcoholic. I have that disease. If I take a drink I will not stop drinking. I'll be powerless to stop.
The only way for me to deal with this is to not take the first drink.
The only way that I can ensure I won't take that first drink is by dealing with the shortcomings, character defects, demons, devils...call 'em what you like...that cause me to want to drink.
That's my personal take on your question.

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Re: My sponsor fired me last night

Post by BigD » Wed Apr 04, 2012 8:11 pm

If I don't take that first drink....

why do I need the steps?

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Re: My sponsor fired me last night

Post by Lali » Wed Apr 04, 2012 8:30 pm

Mike O'R wrote:The only way that I can ensure I won't take that first drink is by dealing with the shortcomings, character defects, demons, devils...call 'em what you like...that cause me to want to drink.
That's my personal take on your question.
Didn't you read this post, BigD? It's apparent that you don't want to work the 12 steps and they are the program of AA and you are on an AA website so, it's not clear why you are here.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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Re: My sponsor fired me last night

Post by Layne » Wed Apr 04, 2012 9:20 pm

If I don't take that first drink...

that is all that I have, just not drinking.

I did that for 5 years.

I went back to drinking, just that was not enough.

If I want more than just that, then I do more, as in steps.

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Tosh
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Re: My sponsor fired me last night

Post by Tosh » Thu Apr 05, 2012 4:47 am

BigD wrote:If I don't take that first drink....

why do I need the steps?
Because there may come a point when you can't not avoid taking that first drink. Not taking the first drink is just a START!
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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Blue Moon
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Re: My sponsor fired me last night

Post by Blue Moon » Wed Apr 11, 2012 10:30 am

BigD wrote:If I don't take that first drink....

why do I need the steps?
Because drinking isn't the problem. Never was. If it was, the solution would be really easy: don't drink.
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon

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avaneesh912
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Re: My sponsor fired me last night

Post by avaneesh912 » Wed Apr 11, 2012 1:32 pm

If I don't take that first drink....

why do I need the steps?
Thats a message that is propagated by people who have not understood the queer mental twist that precedes that first drink. And there are plenty in the fellowship today.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

Layne
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Re: My sponsor fired me last night

Post by Layne » Tue Apr 17, 2012 10:16 am

BigD wrote:If I don't take that first drink....

why do I need the steps?
The very first drink I took in my life was not to see if I enjoyed the taste or not.

The second drink I took was not because I enjoyed the taste.

I took those drinks because something was amiss in my universe and alcohol did something for me that I could not do for myself.

It was a poor choice for a solution to what was not right in my universe. A much better choice was found years later in working the steps. Every day in sobriety I discover more and more of what I am looking for.

God I love recovery!!!

Even with 9 years of sobriety approaching quickly, this thread has still provided me with some excellent food for thought and some insights into the inner workings of Layne.

God I love recovery!!!

JetLiOrigami
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Re: My sponsor fired me last night

Post by JetLiOrigami » Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:41 am

First time poster here, and I know this thread is old but I couldnt resist.

Step one we admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that ours lives had become unmanageable. The only step we have to do perfect. When I first came to AA I had many MANY of the same questions. I was just told "Keep coming back". I didnt want to die, so I did that. I knew I couldnt control my drinking I was "powerless over alcohol". I also didnt see much point in life and most people in it were stupid, idiotic, and a general pain in the ***. My life was "unmanageable".

Step one is taking the "were" into my life. Once I admitted I had no power over my drinking or my life, the "powerless" and "unmanageable" became past tense...thus "were". I had zero chance at sobriety until I came to belive this fact. It took a long time, as it did for most of us here. I finally figured out I only had one more shot at it and I wasnt going to fight the "reason" anymore.

Today I do not define a higher power other than a force in my life found in a fellowship of AA that I can count on. God to me is a "vapor" of sorts. All I know is he gave me two ears and one mouth for a reason. Im supposed to listen twice as much as I talk.

I have met many people in my life who ask many of the same questons. Thats ok! The answers only come as quick as we need them. But for the many who think this is somthing that they have to fix on their own its a lonely road. I have seen many people come through the doors and say "AA just isnt for me". Most rack up a few more DWIs, four of them I know (in three years) died, and a very small number come back. Most people who just have a small "dinking problem" can quit and never go to AA. But if you walk through the door chances are your not one of them. Its life or death, and you have to get off the fence and pick what side your on. Its that simple.

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Re: My sponsor fired me last night

Post by leejosepho » Sat Apr 28, 2012 7:00 am

JetLiOrigami wrote:First time poster here, and I know this thread is old but I couldnt resist.
I sometimes get that same feeling, and welcome to e-AA!
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================

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Re: My sponsor fired me last night

Post by MyNameisVictor » Sat May 12, 2012 7:05 pm

No one has been ever been able to answer this question to my satisfaction, so I'll ask it here: do we drink because we have shortcomings/defects, or because we have an illness and are powerless? If I'm powerless, what do my shortcomings have to do with it?
The short answer to your question is both, but I suspect you've asked this question because you doing what I, and many others, tried to do: find a way to get sober without having to do this program. Your sponsor, believe it or not, is rooting for you, and is telling you that you just haven't gotten to the point of desperation yet that most of us reached. You keep drinking because part of you is still saying that "it's going to be different this time," or "I can drink safely." it took me a while to finally get sober.it happened because I realize that being sober is truly one day at a time.
"They said a miracle would happen on my 90th day of sobriety, and it did happen...I was sober."
-Anonymous from the Trinity Group of AA in NYC

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Re: My sponsor fired me last night

Post by BigD » Tue May 15, 2012 11:58 am

I wanted to check back into this thread and let everyone here know what's going on with me.

First of all, thanks so much for the support and suggestions. They mean a lot to me and have helped me in my path to recovery.

On April 9th I had an appointment with a doctor at the Chemical Dependency unit of my hospital. I made the appointment intending to inquire about the possibility of prescription drugs that could help me with sobriety: Antabuse, Naltrexone, Campral, etc, that I'd been reading about.

Instead, I showed up hammered to the appointment. It was obvious, and the triage nurse breathalyzed me. I was at .18 per cent, over two times the legal limit of .08. The doctor saw me and recommended that I immediately check into their rehab unit for two weeks of treatment and detox. I agreed that I needed rehab, but I was hesitant to take the time off of work. I have a vacation time scheduled in June and suggested that I could do the rehab then. He told me in no uncertain terms that there was a pretty good chance that I would not be alive by then, based on my current habits.

So I went through the hospital's rehab program and emerged a new person. What I liked about it is that it answered pretty much all of my questions that I've been struggling with (and posting about here) in the past year or so.

I learned that AA is not the only path to recovery. It's just the most popular and pervasive program, and has been around the longest. It is the easiest to access, with the most members and meetings. It is also free.

I was exposed to other avenues of maintaining physical and spiritual change while in rehab. I was taught meditation. I try to meditate each morning. I awaken, read a book of Daily Reflections from Hazeldon called "Touchstones" and attempt to integrate that into my daily life. I treat each day as a gift. I treat my addiction as a monster that is NOT my friend, that is waiting inside me, trying to defeat me, trying to get me into trouble. I do NOT want to go back there.

I learned that I drink because I have an addiction, a disease of the mind. I learned that when I drink, I exhibit shortcomings and character defects that might not be evident when I am sober. I learned that it is a disease, not a choice. A better way to describe it would be that it is a disease of choice. I make the choice to drink, which activates my brain to crave more. That's why avoiding the first drink is paramount.

A doctor described the physical changes that alcohol does to the mind and body. Pretty scary. I learned that if I return to drinking I will likely die painfully and slowly.

I bought a book called "The Gentle Guide through the 12 Steps," a kind of thick workbook, and I'm progressing through it, starting with chapter one: powerlessness and unmanageabilitly. Back to square one, as it were.

I have 36 days today, and feel great. Don't want to drink. It repels me to think of how I was acting just over a month ago. I had so much anger in me--anger at AA, anger at friends and family, anger at the world. What I really finally realized was that I was angry with Big D more than anything, and that I had to forgive him before I could work on anyone else.

Whether I work the steps with a new sponsor or not is still up in the air, but I'm still attending 3 meetings a week with an open mind. I also attend behavioral therapy sessions with my therapist that I met in rehab and am investigating alternatives to AA. Bottom line? I'm sober and happy and am enjoying the journey right now. The thought of relapsing is abhorrent to me and I want to stay in that mindset. My higher power is the entire recovery process: AA meetings, therapy with my counselors, reading the Big Book/12x12, looking into things like "Smart Recovery," meditation, reflecting, and searching my heart for the spiritual side that perhaps is in there deep down waiting to save me.

Thanks again for listening. What a ride!

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Re: My sponsor fired me last night

Post by MyNameisVictor » Tue May 15, 2012 11:52 pm

Excellent, Texan. I'm glad you were detoxed safely and getting in to the program. I would respectively suggest that you attend at least one meeting per day and get a sponsor. I know you're working with mental health professionals, which is fine when it comes to mood or behavior disorders, but in regards to your alcoholism, they can't do for you what AA can do. You mentioned a bunch of meural inhibitors that you wanted prescribed to you. I can tell you from experience that they dont help - if an alcoholic wants to drink, (s)he is going to drink. There is no pill for alcoholism.

That said, really work the AA program, and remember, part of the first 90 days is about consistency. Show up to meetings. Find a sponsor and call him/her everyday to talk about how you're doing. Follow suggestions. Do this on a consistent basis, and you will be on your way to strong sobriety.
"They said a miracle would happen on my 90th day of sobriety, and it did happen...I was sober."
-Anonymous from the Trinity Group of AA in NYC

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Re: My sponsor fired me last night

Post by BigD » Sun Jun 03, 2012 1:38 pm

MyNameisVictor wrote: I know you're working with mental health professionals, which is fine when it comes to mood or behavior disorders, but in regards to your alcoholism, they can't do for you what AA can do.
The mental health professionals I am working with are all recovering, active members of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. They have various numbers of years of sobriety in this program; most over 25 years each.

I also attend three AA meetings per week.
MyNameisVictor wrote:You mentioned a bunch of meural inhibitors that you wanted prescribed to you. I can tell you from experience that they dont help - if an alcoholic wants to drink, (s)he is going to drink. There is no pill for alcoholism.
My doctor and I agreed that the Anatabuse/Campral, etc. avenue is not what I need. He has however prescribed Paxil, an anxiety medication, and it has totally changed my outlook on life. Even my wife has noticed that I seem a happier person.
MyNameisVictor wrote:
That said, really work the AA program, and remember, part of the first 90 days is about consistency. Show up to meetings. Find a sponsor and call him/her everyday to talk about how you're doing. Follow suggestions. Do this on a consistent basis, and you will be on your way to strong sobriety.
Thanks for the suggestions, I have an open mind.

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