Dry for 10 years without program

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
kstars
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Re: Dry for 10 years without program

Post by kstars » Thu Jan 26, 2012 10:33 am

Hello out there. I have been sober since '94, but have had no program since the first time on AA in the 80's. I am just starting the steps for the first time. I am also getting off prescription meds for a mental disorder. It isn't possible for me to be happy at meetings right now. People know something is up with me. People have gone out of their way at Women's meetings to not include me. Is it possible to just do AA online? Until I am clean?

About your friend, I say that if he wants the steps, he should be able to work the steps. I am on step 3 with a sponsor. I know I need the steps, though I do not have the urge to drink. (Well maybe fleeting). I am withdrawing from chemicals now so I am very sensitive, and would like to continue AA without all the rejection.

Sorry to hijack your thread,
kstars

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johnd
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Re: Dry for 10 years without program

Post by johnd » Fri Jan 27, 2012 6:12 am

Hi Kstars,
You are Welcome here. I am glad to see you are taking action, but, it may be still a good idea to attend speaker meetings. They are set up so you can listen and identify and try and get phone numbers because you may need to get outside of yourself in a one on one situation. Just listen and see if you hear a similar story or episode that will release you from any doubt you may have with other members. they do have on line meetings I beleive you can register through this format. ok I wish you well John D alcoholic :)
Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans- Anonymous

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Re: Dry for 10 years without program

Post by Jaywalker Steve » Fri Jan 27, 2012 8:04 am

When I struggle with working with others, I read "Working with Others". There are great examples and much practical advice that put me back on track. I have to avoid carrying Steve's message and focus on carrying 'this message'.
Every group has men and women who put too much thought and effort into their daily sobriety and not enough of themselves into their daily living. - Ed B., Akron, OH

Layne
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Re: Dry for 10 years without program

Post by Layne » Fri Jan 27, 2012 9:01 am

I have to avoid carrying Steve's message and focus on carrying 'this message'.
A big hear hear on that. It is a tough one for this stubborn alcoholic to remember many times.

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Re: Dry for 10 years without program

Post by nickyj » Thu Mar 08, 2012 5:05 am

Its a difficult one and I'm not sure I have any answer but a few thoughts spring to mind.

Firstly I think I would be asking how he thinks he has been staying sober all this time and more detail about exactly why he wants to do the steps now. I am not sure it would change the course of action but the answers might be illuminating and provide some information on his spiritual condition.

Something that I thought when considering your question was - "besides our way of living has its advantages for all" (Foreword to the First Editon, page xiii, Alcoholics Anonymous). Anyone can benefit from the steps especially if they are suffering from spiritual malady and if we are in a position to help anyone, alcoholic or not, then maybe we should take it.

I also considered willingness. One of the reasons for a rigorous step one is that few are motivated to do the work involved in the steps unless they are convinced of the hopelessness of their situation. The hopelessness is over the mind and body (and I would add the spirit) but presumably this person can concede of the body and maybe the spirit but not the mind. However maybe that is enough if the required motivation to the steps is there. You will find out if not as at some point the work will grind to a halt (usually at step 4/5 or 8/9). If the motivation is there are we in a position to refuse the help?

Also there is an interesting use of the word "or" at the beginning of Chapter 4 We Agnostics - "If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, OR if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic". Interesting that it does not say "and" here.

From writing this I think I would probably be willing to take the person through the steps if they were also willing.

There is of course another issue in terms of AA and the message that is carried by someone who can stay sober without the steps. Will have to think about that a bit more!
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Re: Dry for 10 years without program

Post by nickyj » Thu Mar 08, 2012 5:08 am

Just seen the original post date for this thread - 2010!! - would be really interesting to know how the situation progressed and what the outcome was?
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Re: Dry for 10 years without program

Post by Layne » Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:06 am

Just seen the original post date for this thread - 2010!! - would be really interesting to know how the situation progressed and what the outcome was?
What is your real motive for wanting to know? I had to think hard on my real motive before I typed this reply because it was clouded by a few character defects of mine that I prefer not to water.

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Re: Dry for 10 years without program

Post by nickyj » Thu Mar 08, 2012 11:24 am

You seem to imply that I have some sort of negative motive for wanting to know. I dont understand why. Your post has confused me somewhat. I have no ulterior motive. It is as I said that it would be interesting to know and there may well be things to be learned from the experience and how it worked out.
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Re: Dry for 10 years without program

Post by Layne » Thu Mar 08, 2012 10:07 pm

I didn't mean to imply anything, it was more rhetorical in nature and one that I ask myself frequently as I like to be sure of my motives because occasionally denial, rationalization, and justification can still show up in my thought patterns and cloud my vision so that I don't see that sometimes my motives are actual based in smugness, self rightousness, and a desire to be right; as opposed to being the virtuous ones that I initially think them to be.

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Re: Dry for 10 years without program

Post by nickyj » Sat Mar 10, 2012 2:08 pm

Defintely always good to check motives. I find with a lot of recovery questions like the one on this thread there is no right or wrong answer its all about experience. Easier to avoid smugness of self righteousness when I accept that there is nothing to be right about and absolutely no reason to think that I know better than anyone else. No advice or answers, just suggestions, thoughts and experiences.
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Ida
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Re: Dry for 10 years without program

Post by Ida » Tue Sep 18, 2012 10:51 pm

My father has been sober for over 25 years. He went to meetings for a few years after he got sober (perhaps not even that long). He still quotes AA literature and reads AA literature, but he never goes to meetings, and he doesn't have a sponsor. He is definitely not a happy camper. :( There is an older guy that goes to the same meetings as me, and he has been sober for 25+ years. Although he is a meeting regular, he does not have a sponsor, and he is a happy camper. :) I don't know if this helps anyone, but I thought I would share.

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