Myths of sponsorship for the superstitious

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?

Re: Myths of sponsorship for the superstitious

Postby PaigeB » Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:34 am

Service wrote:
PaigeB wrote:Good to see you Service. To clarify the user "From the heart" is not banned here.

Re-upping a post from 2007? I don't understand your phrase governMental - no one governs me. My sponsor merely makes suggestions. Like the entire program of AA is suggested. Take it, take part of it or leave it.

I certainly hope you are not back to stir things up with reasons YOU wish to leave it alone.


GovernMental simply means when one needs governing for mental reasons someone who cannot intuitively handle situations that baffle them. This is not a bad thing - it's an outside thing and if anyone needs institutional ways instead of abandoning themselves looking for HELP surely go for it - I found A.A my way, thank God, I mean no disrespect for not praising your out side sponsorship system, Hope that explains the question YOU ASKED

So having a sponsor until one gets passed the 9th Step is ok? Cause you refer to the 9th Step Promises on page 84... well into the Basic Text... amazed before we are 1/2 way through (Step 9).
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Re: Myths of sponsorship for the superstitious

Postby IDontNeedASponsor » Thu Mar 10, 2016 8:58 pm

Why would you want to lock a thread that openly encourages discussion as to the possibility that sponsorship might not be necessary?

Anyway, I just had to register after reading this very informative and very insightful thread.

My personal experience is that I tend to stick to nice guys, and we all know what they say, nice guys finish last. I got along well with all three of my sponsors, but two of them relapsed. The third one was perfect because he let me do the steps on my own out of the Big Book and let me only phone him once a week, but some sponsorship bullies caught on to what I was doing and made me ditch him.

My city is full of sponsorship bullies, people that say stuff like:

- "You don't know [beep] about a higher power until you've turned it over to one human being."
- "If you're not willing to get a sponsor, get the [beep] out and come back when you're ready to get one."
- "People that don't have sponsors need to be locked up."
- "Chronic relapsers need supervision."
- "People that dodge the sponsorship issue tend to get into fights, go to court, and have other people not feel safe going to meetings where that person is."

Whatever. I'm not going to let these people get to me. I know that I can do the steps as they're laid out in the first 164 pages of the Big Book and adhere to the Traditions. Sponsorship is something I choose to regard as bonus points, extracurricular, not a big deal. I will respect those who choose to have sponsors, and I hope that others will respect my decision not to have a sponsor.
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Re: Myths of sponsorship for the superstitious

Postby Brock » Fri Mar 11, 2016 4:49 am

Why would you want to lock a thread that openly encourages discussion as to the possibility that sponsorship might not be necessary?

Welcome to the e-AA. It is the group conscience policy based decision of this group to lock threads after five pages, primarily because they just get 'stale' and repetitive, if the majority of posting is negative or argumentative they are sometimes locked sooner. In this case one particular poster was present who has caused a lot of problems here, often flooding the board by posting anti sponsor rants in several topics at the same time. That is why you see the comment, that the Coordinator was pleased that this would soon reach the close off point.
I will respect those who choose to have sponsors, and I hope that others will respect my decision not to have a sponsor.

That's the way we like to roll here, but you will find very few who say they did the program without a sponsor, I am one of those few.
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Re: Myths of sponsorship for the superstitious

Postby Db1105 » Fri Mar 11, 2016 5:42 am

AAWS has a good pamphlet on sponsorship. You can read it online here:

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

As far as the discussion, it's no wonder why many think AA is not for them.
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Re: Myths of sponsorship for the superstitious

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Mar 11, 2016 5:56 am

outside sponsor system


LOL. Service has been on this board using various proxy. Boy he is still alive and people keep resurrecting old messages to keep the garbage thrown around.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Myths of sponsorship for the superstitious

Postby Brock » Fri Mar 11, 2016 7:19 am

LOL. Service has been on this board using various proxy.

Just for general information, the moderators are able to check where posts originate from, so have a good idea if Service or any other disruptor is surfacing under another name.

In this instance I feel the concerns are quite real and genuine, we have had many reports and comments about sponsors who demand things which AA literature does not support, and recently more than one person with several sponsees who appears to know little of our program. Two of this fellows sponsors relapsed, others demanded unreasonable things, and boasting of how many you sponsor has become way too common, almost as if it's a badge of honor.
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Re: Myths of sponsorship for the superstitious

Postby Layne » Fri Mar 11, 2016 7:57 am

Db1105 wrote:AAWS has a good pamphlet on sponsorship. You can read it online here:

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

As far as the discussion, it's no wonder why many think AA is not for them.


Good response. Focused on helping alcoholics and nothing else. Thanks.
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Re: Myths of sponsorship for the superstitious

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Mar 11, 2016 9:02 am

In this instance I feel the concerns are quite real and genuine, we have had many reports and comments about sponsors who demand things which AA literature does not support, and recently more than one person with several sponsees who appears to know little of our program.


There are some highly evolved conscious being who are able to recognize the selfishness and self-centered attitude and are able to live a normal life without having to consult others. But there are some who do. We need to respect that. Also, its true that the book does not refer to the label "sponsor" but it goes to a great extent in highlighting the real importance of sharing our life with another being so we could relieve ourselves from the bondage of the egoic thinking. That is a vital step in recovery.

Having said that, it is true that there are some ego maniacs not just in AA but everywhere. You can't help it. We can only educate the newcomers but then the new-comer has his/her own will. Maybe its the karma of past life deeds that they have to fall into such trap.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Myths of sponsorship for the superstitious

Postby tyg » Fri Mar 11, 2016 7:47 pm

There is an entire Chapter called, "Working with Others" in Alcoholics Anonymous. It is a guide on how one person sponsors another.
Read here: http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt7.pdf
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Re: Myths of sponsorship for the superstitious

Postby BPG » Fri Mar 11, 2016 9:54 pm

avaneesh912 wrote:There are some highly evolved conscious being who are able to recognize the selfishness and self-centered attitude and are able to live a normal life without having to consult others.


And it gives them more time to work on their humility.
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Re: Myths of sponsorship for the superstitious

Postby ezdzit247 » Sun Mar 13, 2016 5:39 pm

BPG wrote:
avaneesh912 wrote:There are some highly evolved conscious being who are able to recognize the selfishness and self-centered attitude and are able to live a normal life without having to consult others.


And it gives them more time to work on their humility.


LMAO...... :lol:
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Re: Myths of sponsorship for the superstitious

Postby IDontNeedASponsor » Thu Mar 24, 2016 6:33 pm

tyg wrote:There is an entire Chapter called, "Working with Others" in Alcoholics Anonymous. It is a guide on how one person sponsors another.
Read here: http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt7.pdf


That chapter shows me how to work with sponsees after I've gone through the steps with the help of the instruction manual (the first 6 chapters).
It does not say anything about me having to have a live human sponsor in order for me to be a sponsor.

Also, I am concerned about the sponsorship bullying problem in my city, and am hoping for answers on how to get the sponsorship bullies to back off and respect my decision not to get a sponsor.
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Re: Myths of sponsorship for the superstitious

Postby D'oh » Thu Mar 24, 2016 8:22 pm

IDontNeedASponsor wrote:
That chapter shows me how to work with sponsees after I've gone through the steps with the help of the instruction manual (the first 6 chapters).
It does not say anything about me having to have a live human sponsor in order for me to be a sponsor.

Also, I am concerned about the sponsorship bullying problem in my city, and am hoping for answers on how to get the sponsorship bullies to back off and respect my decision not to get a sponsor.

And yet another reason that you need a Sponsor for some guidance. But I am glad to see that you have a way.
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Re: Myths of sponsorship for the superstitious

Postby Brock » Fri Mar 25, 2016 5:24 am

...am hoping for answers on how to get the sponsorship bullies to back off and respect my decision not to get a sponsor.

In my experience the best way is to become the sort of AA member that knows and speaks about the book and steps at meetings, and be someone who makes a habit of questioning his motives to the point that it becomes automatic, am I doing this or that to boost my ego? Becoming a humble but proud example of the power of the AA program stops anyone criticizing how you achieved it.

Some years ago I started to play golf, I was embarrassed that I could not afford a coach, my ego did not let me tell them that, so I just said I would prefer to learn alone, and the coaches laughed, and said I would pick up all sorts of bad habits and errors in my swing. Right there without knowing it they gave me the best advise, armed with that I studied tapes of great golfers swings and recorded and made corrections to my own efforts, the result was a golf swing admired by most players at the club, and the coaches laughed no more.

This is more serious business even possible life and death, but I absolutely support those who wish to coach themselves, they can harm none but themselves.
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Re: Myths of sponsorship for the superstitious

Postby Stepchild » Sat Mar 26, 2016 9:01 pm

In my experience the best way is to become the sort of AA member that knows and speaks about the book and steps at meetings, and be someone who makes a habit of questioning his motives to the point that it becomes automatic, am I doing this or that to boost my ego? Becoming a humble but proud example of the power of the AA program stops anyone criticizing how you achieved it.


And you are a great example of that Brock...I respect your knowledge of the program and the AA message you carry. Some of the things I hear said in meetings and even on this site are nothing more than further proof that the simple fact of just having a sponsor really means nothing.

This was a life-and-death errand for me...And I did choose a sponsor for this reason...I wanted to make sure that my understanding of the book was in line with someone who had been through this process the way the book laid it out. And that was what I listened for before making my choice. I put a lot of effort into studying the book...Listening to AA speaker tapes...Internet searches on steps...Every tool I could find...I used....Discarding anything that I couldn't reconcile with the book. And this was before asking someone to sponsor me. So I had a good working knowledge of what I needed to do and that I would need someone to hear my fifth step as well as give me some guidance if needed with the amends phase of the program. I wanted to give myself every chance I could for success because failure was not an option I would live through.

And that was about the extent of my sponsorship...Today we remain good friends and go out to lunch every now and then...And I always thank him for giving me his time....He always has the same response...

"Why are you thanking me?....You're the one that did the work."

So I guess for me...What is more important?....Whether you have a sponsor? Or whether you did the work? The proof is in the pudding.
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