Sponsor needs sponsor?

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?

Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Patsy© » Mon Sep 18, 2017 5:28 am

Blue Moon wrote:
Patsy© wrote:And the one I love the most that isn't anywhere in the Big Book, but we share constantly with newcomers...."DON'T DRINK!"

Which is not only not written in any Conference-Approved literature, it directly contradicts the Big Book.


Yes, that was exactly my point! :lol:
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Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Soberguy27 » Sun Sep 24, 2017 10:25 am

I guess whether a sponsor should have a sponsor is a good question. As far as those who never had a sponsor I wonder how they did the steps without one. A sponsor to my knowledge is someone who guides you throught the steps. So if someone indeed was your guide through the steps then you had a sponsor. Some people make their sponsors their best friend and more of a friend or close friend relationship. I do have a sponsor and he has been my sponsor for 17 years out of my 27 years of sobriety. He is not my best friend but someone I can go to with concerns and advice as to how to apply the program to whatever issue I am having at the time. I have only known a very small amount of people who never had a sponsor. Some of them went out and the others are just not happy people. That is not to say that you can't get sober without a sponsor. I am very greatful to my sponsor for all his wisdom and insight . So I have a sponsor, my sponsor has a sponsor, and my sponsors sponsor has a sponsor. This works for me and has kept me sober for a long time so I will keep using my sponsor. Just my two cents.
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Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Db1105 » Sun Sep 24, 2017 10:46 am

It seems that sponsorship as evolved to being a life coach after taking someone through the Steps. The 12 Steps taught me to rely on my Higher Powers. I learned how to do that through my sponsor. I keep it fresh for me by helping and sponsoring newcomers. I tell them what my sponsor told me when I asked now what, he said, go help others.

Chapter 5 tells me that we do recover. Do I have the balls to say I have recovered? Do I practice that I have recovered? I rely on my Higher Power when facing difficult decisions. Or, silly me will discuss thing with my wife or friends. If I need a life coach, I can hire a professional.
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Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby desypete » Sun Sep 24, 2017 11:05 pm

i was once told, an aa member without a sponsor is like a ship without a rudder
it will head off in all and any direction

i have a fellowship of sponsors as well as my own sponsor
every time i go to an aa room i am surrounded by sponsors who share there own experience strength and hope with me. just i couldnt see it in the early days.
if i cut this side of things out of my life then i only have myself and my own head and believe me after 5 years of living sober in the rooms but nothing else i was more crazy than when i was drinking

today my sponsor is also my best friend, my sponsor was the first person i ever took off all my masks with and learned how to start to get honest
my sponsor has shown and guided me so many many times over my early years i am just so grateful i have had that man as my sponsor, and i dont mince my words when i say i love the man in my heart today for all the good that man has given and not only to me but for all the many he has sponsored a help over all his 40 odd years in aa

the trick is once you get a sponsor you have to use them, its no good having a sponsor and not useing them. it took me a long while before i would have the courage to pick up the phone and ring him. i would rather i just sit there on my own in pain or in the madness and sort it out myself than to ring up or trouble my sponsor with my own head
which is exactly the reason we have them,
the first time i rang him up and opened up about myself or what was troubling me was a really hard thing to do but what i remember was that once i did it and i started talking then whatever was troubling me wouldn't have the power over me it was having

its a bit like sharing in the rooms and opening up about something and the freedom you feel inside when you do it

anyway today if i am troubled i know what to do but i dont call him these days with my head all full of madness, i call him today and ask him how he is

i would never recommend anyone as a sponsor who hasn't got a sponsor themselves or had one and been through the program and is really honestly living the new way of life which takes many years for most to come to see

those who have there own agendas and wish to sponsor people out of ego so they can brag about it online or those who believe they know all there is to know would be the people never to have as a sponsor
if they come at you throwing themselves on you to be your sponsor, give them a wide berth

find someone who is content with there life, someone who doesn't argue all the time or believes there right someone who enjoys peace and shows peace in there actions certainly has what i want

there are plenty in aa who have nothing that i want from them at all other than friendship but a sponsor is a pricelss thing in aa for me
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Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Brock » Mon Sep 25, 2017 9:00 am

i was once told, an aa member without a sponsor is like a ship without a rudder it will head off in all and any direction

I agree with this for certain members, and all members can benefit from sponsors before the spirituality kicks in. But I believe it's usually those who struggle with the concept of a higher power, who need this sponsor for life business, and a sponsor with a sponsor, because they don't know how to get direction from anything else, so they must ask a mere human.

From page 87 -
What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.


We come to rely on it, if they wanted us to rely on a human they would say so.

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.

Ask who for the right thought or action?
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby PaigeB » Mon Sep 25, 2017 10:55 am

"We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us...."
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Blue Moon » Mon Sep 25, 2017 11:17 am

PaigeB wrote:"We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us...."


Maybe the phrase "I'm as sick as my secrets" needs to become "I'm as sick as my sponsor" ;)
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Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Noels » Mon Sep 25, 2017 12:37 pm

:lol: good one :lol: I'll use that one. Thanks Blue.
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Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Spirit Flower » Mon Sep 25, 2017 3:40 pm

I don't have a sponsor and haven't for many years, over 20.

However, when I am trying to make an important decision, I do talk it over with wise people.
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Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Brock » Mon Sep 25, 2017 4:29 pm

Nothing wrong with doing that, with AA I have come to realize my wife is pretty wise in many things I never thought of discussing with her before, and certain members of meetings I attend whose opinions I respect.
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Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby desypete » Mon Sep 25, 2017 11:43 pm

Unread postby Brock » Mon Sep 25, 2017 4:00 pm

i was once told, an aa member without a sponsor is like a ship without a rudder it will head off in all and any direction

I agree with this for certain members, and all members can benefit from sponsors before the spirituality kicks in. But I believe it's usually those who struggle with the concept of a higher power, who need this sponsor for life business, and a sponsor with a sponsor, because they don't know how to get direction from anything else, so they must ask a mere human.

i see its only for certain members but not for the great brock ? =biggrin

i always believed i was far superior than everyone else all me life until i got into aa that is and got some right good kicks up my backside

my sponsor is my best friend these days, he has helped me grow over the years, i certainly dont need him like i once did in my early years, but if ever i need help he is there for me the same way as aa is there for me
real people, with real answers and i am not like a ship without a rudder, anyone who has himself as a lawer is a fool they say and its the same for alcoholics who believe they dont need one

one of the hardest things i had to let go of was my pride, in my early years i wouldn't call anyone up on the phone in aa as i didnt want to trouble them with my crap, i would rather sit with the problem in my washing machine head on my own than share about it with a complete stranger, i would rather sit in the pain of it all as its how i had always been
so to contact a sponsor and to start to open up was a huge thing for me
but once i started to do it and once i started to notice that when i did it and i got off the phone i felt much better well it started to feed me the right way

these days i dont need to do that anymore as i have been around for years and that means i have practised and experienced things over all those years and i have learned how to cope,
when i would call my sponsor up in a rage and explain to him what i was in a rage over he would burst out laughing as it was clear my will my childishness was at it again

in time we all learn and for me its always been the hard way but thankfully i do try today just to lead a peaceful life

but i could never of got there without my sponsor and like i say i dont need him like i once did as like a child who doesn't need to be dependant on a parent after so many years they grow up and learn how to live on there own
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Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby desypete » Mon Sep 25, 2017 11:48 pm

Blue Moon wrote:
PaigeB wrote:"We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us...."


Maybe the phrase "I'm as sick as my secrets" needs to become "I'm as sick as my sponsor" ;)


or maybe it should be as sick as someone who pokes fun at sponsors ?

if sponsors are sick then we are all in big big trouble in aa =biggrin
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Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Patsy© » Tue Sep 26, 2017 3:25 am

my sponsor is my best friend these days, he has helped me grow over the years, i certainly dont need him like i once did in my early years, but if ever i need help he is there for me the same way as aa is there for me
real people, with real answers and i am not like a ship without a rudder, anyone who has himself as a lawer is a fool they say and its the same for alcoholics who believe they dont need one.


or maybe it should be as sick as someone who pokes fun at sponsors ?



Nicely said Pete...and so true...
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Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Blue Moon » Tue Sep 26, 2017 4:23 am

desypete wrote:
Blue Moon wrote:Maybe the phrase "I'm as sick as my secrets" needs to become "I'm as sick as my sponsor" ;)


or maybe it should be as sick as someone who pokes fun at sponsors ?

if sponsors are sick then we are all in big big trouble in aa =biggrin


FWIW I do not have a problem with sponsors. I recovered with a sponsor. I am a sponsor (and a grand-sponsor, great-grand-sponsor, etc.). I am also a proponent of service-sponsorship (perhaps moreso than most AA members I encounter).

I just don't define my AA status by my sponsor-status. It used to.bother me when I wasn't sponsoring anyone, as though that's some sort of measure of the quality of sobriety. I've since recovered from that state of mind also.

What I'm not in favour of is a sponsor setting themselves up as a substitute for a Higher Power; the Big Book itself says "we quit playing God", and it doesn't append that with "... until we worked with other alcoholics". I'm also not in favour of sponsors who have not yet done the work themselves, who are the blind leading the blind.

So I do find that whole concept of "sponsor must have a sponsor" is a slap in the face to AA's founders and their legacy. It does not speak to what any such sponsor must truly have to offer: recovery from alcoholism.
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Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Patsy© » Tue Sep 26, 2017 5:41 am

What I'm not in favour of is a sponsor setting themselves up as a substitute for a Higher Power; the Big Book itself says "we quit playing God", and it doesn't append that with "... until we worked with other alcoholics". I'm also not in favour of sponsors who have not yet done the work themselves, who are the blind leading the blind.


I read through this thread and I can't find where anyone said that that a Sponsor is a substitute for a "Higher Power".
The blind leading the blind is usually someone who hasn't worked the 12 steps and trying to give away what they do not have, that is just sad and it makes no sense at all to this alcoholic.

So I do find that whole concept of "sponsor must have a sponsor" is a slap in the face to AA's founders and their legacy. It does not speak to what any such sponsor must truly have to offer: recovery from alcoholism.


Again, I can't find anyone who said that "sponsor must have a sponsor".
To this day, I do strongly suggest that someone look for a Sponsor who has a Sponsor who has worked, applied and is practicing the 12 steps and reaching out to newcomers with a Smile. For the same reason that I believed is written from you below:

I'm also not in favour of sponsors who have not yet done the work themselves, who are the blind leading the blind.



Having something directly from A.A., such as below...really helps.

P-15 - Questions and Answers on Sponsorship

Uses shared A.A. experience to answer 34 questions likely to be asked by persons seeking sponsors, persons wanting to be sponsors, and groups planning sponsorship activity.

https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/aa-lite ... ponsorship
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