Dropped by sponsor

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?

Dropped by sponsor

Postby Mmb275 » Thu Mar 16, 2017 2:55 pm

:( I'm 66 days sober. Released from rehab on 2/14/17. Been going to IOP& meetings even had a sponsor until she told me she didn't feel she could continue to do so because I'm on prescribed anticraving medication and because since this is a spiritual program these medications are a crutch and she feels I won't really be able to get the steps unless I was off the medication, but they are prescribed. I was especially hurt because I really want someone to work the steps with me. My biggest desire to to work the steps so I can be off the anticraving medications and alcohol and be free. Was what she did correct of a sponsor? I'm new to all this and did what I was instructed to do 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, continue &a finish IOP. Please advise. Sadly sober :(
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Re: Dropped by sponsor

Postby Chelle » Thu Mar 16, 2017 4:06 pm

Hi mmb. Please don't be sad. 66 days is a great accomplishment! All people in the program do not feel the way your first sponsor does. iI sounds like she's not the right one for you. I hope you will reach out to someone else very soon and work on those steps. You sound like you are on the right path, and are enthusiastic about AA. Hopefully AFTER you have gone through the steps you will no longer need the craving meds. Keep close to the program, it works!
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Re: Dropped by sponsor

Postby Mmb275 » Thu Mar 16, 2017 4:29 pm

Thanks For the encouragement. Decided to go to a new meeting since I'm now free tonight. I have to be sober for me. Praying for the right fit in a sponser.
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Re: Dropped by sponsor

Postby Brock » Thu Mar 16, 2017 4:53 pm

Welcome here Mmb275. You might be interested in the opinions of members the last time something like this came up, you can find that thread here -
http://www.e-aa.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=19018

My favorite response was this one -
She did you a favor by not agreeing to sponsoring you. Anyone giving out medical advice without a medical degree is a prime example of self will run riot. It's one thing to suggest someone talk to their doctor to re- examine issues, but suggesting someone stop medication is pathetic.

Best of luck to you.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Dropped by sponsor

Postby D'oh » Thu Mar 16, 2017 7:41 pm

She did you a favor by not agreeing to sponsoring you. Anyone giving out medical advice without a medical degree is a prime example of self will run riot. It's one thing to suggest someone talk to their doctor to re- examine issues, but suggesting someone stop medication is pathetic.

But, This member did not suggest that mmB stop the treatment, only that she could not help her on her steps while using Prescribed Meds. Who knows why, well one does two probably should have.

Don't get me wrong, Any thing you have done to achieve 66 Days is Great. A great start, and as far as continuing Meds, Medical advise should be sought. But also advise of a Higher Power.

I am unsure How I would act as a Sponsor of someone on Meds. I think of the first time in when I quit Cold Turkey, and the Second time when I would Self Medicate before meetings for about a week or two. Just so I wouldn't shake apart at them. But I did get through that with the help of the program and Faith that it will work.

Just keep going to Meetings, be Honest with Yourself and your Physician, and Spiritual Advisor. The answers will come.
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Re: Dropped by sponsor

Postby tomsteve » Fri Mar 17, 2017 6:17 am

Mmb275 wrote:Thanks For the encouragement. Decided to go to a new meeting since I'm now free tonight. I have to be sober for me. Praying for the right fit in a sponser.


good on ya!! ya know why ya need a new sponsor?
it wasn't because the other one said youre on meds.
its because God said she wasn't the right sponsor.
her OPINION of "this is a spiritual program these medications are a crutch and she feels I won't really be able to get the steps unless I was off the medication"
is just that- her OPINION.
sure hope she doesn't go to a dual diagnosis meeting and tell all them folks with years of recovery they haven't gotten the steps because theyre on meds.
sure hope she doesn't see all them people some day in the same room off their meds!
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Re: Dropped by sponsor

Postby positrac » Fri Mar 17, 2017 7:28 am

With every negative we are given a positive and in early sobriety it is hard to see these and so keep going to meetings and find a new sponsor. Be open and up front and I am sure all things are possible. Also in time go back to that person and keep the peace as resentments even if you don't think you have one right now, can fester into some between the ears funk.

Good luck and keep up the good work.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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Re: Dropped by sponsor

Postby Spirit Flower » Fri Mar 17, 2017 10:35 am

Anticraving medication could well be a crutch given by a well meaning doctor; but such pills are not a necessity. Is such a medication for a mental dis-order? The mind is a curious thing. it can forget it's cravings if told a pill will work (but it doesn't know it is a sugar pill). You may be too afraid of not having pills. In which case, keep them for awhile then wean off. It could also be that at some point, you need to walk without the crutch.

A sponsor is allowed their opinion. Ask someone else if you're not in agreement with your sponsor. I'd very likely want you to do the steps more than once. Once with your pills and again without. I'd even ask you to include a fear inventory about pills on the second 4th step.
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Re: Dropped by sponsor

Postby Noels » Fri Mar 17, 2017 2:32 pm

Hi MMB and welcome to e-aa :D
I have found that I get stronger every day in my sobriety. I haven't learned to live sober overnight but I learn and get better at it every day. So if you feel comfortable with being on the meds until you are stronger I see nothing 'wrong' with it.

Every day without alcohol is a good day - meds or no meds.

When the time is right for you to let go of the meds it will happen. Until then, enjoy your sobriety and keep up the good work. You can be proud of yourself. I am :D

Mwah xxx Noels
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Re: Dropped by sponsor

Postby Mmb275 » Sat Mar 18, 2017 7:47 am

Hopeful. I appreciate all the uplifting words. At a meeting right now and very happy to be here. So grateful.
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Re: Dropped by sponsor

Postby Blue Moon » Sat Mar 18, 2017 7:17 pm

Mmb275 wrote:even had a sponsor until she told me she didn't feel she could continue to do so because I'm on prescribed anticraving medication and because since this is a spiritual program these medications are a crutch and she feels I won't really be able to get the steps unless I was off the medication, but they are prescribed.


I never dropped a sponsee for meds, but how we proceed partly depends on what they are. If you were on something short-term like lithium for detox to help prevent seizures, we'd keep going to meetings but just wait before embarking on Step 4 until you weaned off the benzo with whatever medical aid is needed. But if you were on only something to alter physical chemistry such as antabuse, IMO there should be no problem with getting on with the program PDQ.

ISTM your ex-sponsor didn't bother to educate herself appropriately on the pros and cons of whatever you're taking, and formulate an action-plan around it. Maybe she's not ready to sponsor anyone. IMO that's not your fault, and shouldn't be your problem. It just means you haven't yet found the right sponsor.
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