A request for a sponsor

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?

Re: A request for a sponsor

Postby ezdzit247 » Wed Sep 14, 2016 10:12 am

RadGirl wrote:I completely agree with the fact that a sponsor should in no way have to vouch for another person for a job. It slightly infuriates me because like you said that it really is against everything that AA stands for concerning anonymity. I don’t believe that the ‘only’ way to get sober is through AA as I am living proof but I know that the psychologist firmly believes that it is....


Okay. So the "gatekeeper" on this particular employment policy requirement is your company's staff psychologist? Is that correct?
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Re: A request for a sponsor

Postby RadGirl » Wed Sep 14, 2016 2:10 pm

Yes very much so the psychologist is pretty much the final word and they are very bullheaded and spin things into what they want it to be. Those 500 question tests they give to determine who you are pigeon hole you into a battle you cannot win. You are too much this or that. I have to go enjoy my family for the moment and may comment more tomorrow but I didn't want to be rude and not answer. Have a fabulous evening.
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Re: A request for a sponsor

Postby ezdzit247 » Wed Sep 14, 2016 4:20 pm

RadGirl wrote:Yes very much so the psychologist is pretty much the final word and they are very bullheaded and spin things into what they want it to be. Those 500 question tests they give to determine who you are pigeon hole you into a battle you cannot win. You are too much this or that. I have to go enjoy my family for the moment and may comment more tomorrow but I didn't want to be rude and not answer. Have a fabulous evening.


Okay, so the company psychologist is indeed the gatekeeper and he/she is totally entrenched in the her/his way or the highway position. Got it. It's really great for you and the AA program in general that he/she is so gung ho on the AA program. That's a good thing. But, I'm still not clear on exactly what she/he wants from you other than proof you have become active in AA? Generally, in my state, when courts, probation officers, rehab counselors, etc, refer people to AA, the only proof of compliance required is the meeting secretary's signature (first name only) on what we call a "court card". I have never heard of anyone who has been ordered to attend AA meetings also being required to have a sponsor. Can you clarify if she/he expect to have some kind of access to your sponsor?
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Re: A request for a sponsor

Postby Lali » Thu Sep 15, 2016 8:01 am

RadGirl, you and I have spoken through PMs but I would like to publicly apologize for not understanding your situation. I (and others here) came off as not very empathetic about your "hard of hearing" status. I cannot imagine being in your shoes, going to meetings and not being able to hear much of what is said. It must give you a feeling of isolation in a program that is a "we" program. I'm also sorry that you had trouble finding an online sponsor. I will talk to Paige (the computer expert here) about how to help you with this.

I hope you stick around despite the bickering. As was said by someone here, this has nothing to do with you. You are needed here and you have earned your virtual seat here!
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Re: A request for a sponsor

Postby RadGirl » Thu Sep 15, 2016 1:59 pm

ezdzit247 - Yes I agree it is good to push AA but my disagreement with it is that he solely sees that as the only avenue for help and doesn't consider treatment centers as way of help. Each person is different and responds to different methods. No one avenue is the absolute only avenue. I have read the hearing outcomes of many people who were actually awarded their clearance that the sponsor supplied a letter and even showed up in person at the hearing to be a witness. Not that I am remotely even asking that of anyone. At this point my reasons for wanting a sponsor has nothing to do with my own clearance. I personally think it is a sham in the sense of acquiring a sponsor and expect them to put themselves out like that. Now I just really want to know the steps to be able to be a sponsor to someone else. Particularly my dad and my friend possibly. If they will take the steps with me.

Lali - People generally downplay it when you mention you are hard of hearing. It's not like older age slight hearing loss. I got really sick when I was 20 and got a viral infection in my spinal fluid which damaged my inner ear. I wear hearing aids. I cannot understand the television without closed caption. I don't talk on the phone. I don't go to the movies. I generally stay away from social occasions that have more than two people. We use radios at work and people know not to call me on the radio because I cannot understand what is being said. My daughter is even well trained at listening for me and noticing if I don't hear people and she automatically repeats it back to me, especially in drive thru windows. It is a big part of my life. I try my best but you can't force yourself to hear when physically you don't have the capabilities. It's not a suck it up and make it work situation. No need to apologize. I should have explained better.
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Re: A request for a sponsor

Postby ezdzit247 » Thu Sep 15, 2016 2:52 pm

Yes I agree it is good to push AA but my disagreement with it is that he solely sees that as the only avenue for help and doesn't consider treatment centers as way of help. Each person is different and responds to different methods. No one avenue is the absolute only avenue. I have read the hearing outcomes of many people who were actually awarded their clearance that the sponsor supplied a letter and even showed up in person at the hearing to be a witness. Not that I am remotely even asking that of anyone. At this point my reasons for wanting a sponsor has nothing to do with my own clearance. I personally think it is a sham in the sense of acquiring a sponsor and expect them to put themselves out like that. Now I just really want to know the steps to be able to be a sponsor to someone else. Particularly my dad and my friend possibly. If they will take the steps with me.


Regardless of any "hearing outcomes" you may have read, my question was what kind of access does the staff psychologist expect from an AA sponsor?

Do you live and work in the US?
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Re: A request for a sponsor

Postby RadGirl » Fri Sep 16, 2016 7:16 am

Oh sorry. I am just going off of what I have read from other hearings. I have stated my case honestly to them and I am going with what I got. Typically they just want someone to vouch for that person's recovery. I do work in the US. For me personally everyone in my life can vouch for my recovery so I am not too worried about a sponsor providing this for me. However, I can't say that I am not terrified of what the outcome may be with only the evidence I can provide but I have to hold my head high and accept that whatever the outcome at the end of the day what some psychologist determines his opinion is has no bearing on what the truth is. As an alcoholic it is always a fear of relapse with such an epic life event such as a loss of a job but I have an amazing support system and a very good head on my shoulders and know I will make it through no matter what. Just dreading it if I do lose my job. Sometimes a strong person just gets tired of having to be strong and just wishes good things would happen because you finally deserve good things.
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Re: A request for a sponsor

Postby RadGirl » Fri Sep 16, 2016 7:18 am

I don't specifically know what the psychologist wants as I have not talked to him. I have just applied for my clearance and they are at this point trying to decide if they even want to waste time even putting forth the effort to investigate me. The first question the person asked was do you have a letter from your sponsor.
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Re: A request for a sponsor

Postby ezdzit247 » Sat Sep 17, 2016 1:52 pm

RadGirl wrote:I don't specifically know what the psychologist wants as I have not talked to him. I have just applied for my clearance and they are at this point trying to decide if they even want to waste time even putting forth the effort to investigate me. The first question the person asked was do you have a letter from your sponsor.


Hopefully, the powers that be in your company will accept what you've submitted to obtain the clearance they require without an AA sponsor's letter, and all will go well.

I haven't known very many alcoholics in recovery who didn't have a problem with and didn't resent submitting to authority--any authority, especially bureaucratic authority. That seems to be a very common trait among alcoholics. My ESH is that my ego wants me to put up a fight with everything and everyone I don't agree with. What I have learned while trudging AA's Road of Happy Destiny in recovery over the years is that I have to "pick my battles". I simply don't have the physical, mental, or emotional resources to fight everything or everyone who doesn't share my point of view or I think is "doing it wrong". That's just life on life's terms. I found another great tool in recovery for me has been assertiveness training & conflict resolution classes and books. Learning how to use these other "wellness" tools has taught me that most conflicts, big & little, can be resolved through communication and negotiation rather than battle if I recognize when my ego is involved and make an effort to keep it out of the mix.

I hope you will give live AA meetings another try despite your bad experiences in the past. Everyone who walks through the doors of an AA meeting has some kind of handicap whether or not it is obvious or they themselves recognize this fact about themselves. In this sense, you are very lucky that you are aware of having at least one handicap--a hearing problem--and have options to enable you to work around it. Good luck!

Keep coming back....
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Re: A request for a sponsor

Postby RadGirl » Mon Sep 19, 2016 4:34 am

I completely agree with what you are saying concerning authority. I have worked through that stubborn part of myself and found a happy medium. I have learned to pause and asses what part of me is being stubborn and bullheaded and forced myself to look at all aspects of things. Authority and rules are put in place for a reason for the most part. The best thing is to learn to respect it and work with it or at least accept it. When you soften your heart through your Higher Power it is easier to do these things and to see things in ways other than what your human self wants to see it. It's when you start to get away from that that you become inwardly defiant and defiance causes disdain and disdain causes anger and anger will push you towards the bottle.

I will not be going back to a live AA meeting. Physically it is not something I can work around and I am not willing to give up the peace in my heart and my life to try to appease someone and say look at me I am going to meetings. It is for my own well being and sobriety that I don't. I gave it another try recently and tried to force myself to be able to hear and it caused an inward defeat and sadness that I don't care to have. My mental mindset and the inward happiness I have is phenomenal and I guard it fiercely. It is what keeps me from returning to the place I once was.
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Re: A request for a sponsor

Postby Brock » Mon Sep 19, 2016 6:02 am

I particularly like this - “I have learned to pause and asses what part of me is being stubborn and bullheaded and forced myself to look at all aspects of things.” It is not much different from the book instruction - “As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.” Something I have found to be the most useful AA tool.

Members are inclined and encouraged to give their experience, so if they can't see the possibility of themselves looking at all aspects, and self diagnosing where they may be justifying the stubbornness, or bullheadedness you mention, they are inclined to advise that we must seek the assistance of others in meetings, or the advise of sponsors.

Our main texts speak much less of the importance of meetings, as compared to that of God. Yet when non believers in God join here as they often do, we quite rightly bend over backward in encouraging them. We use quotes about higher powers of their own choosing, and I have seen more than once the entire 12 steps reproduced without the word God, as an incentive to encourage them. We sometimes seem to demonstrate less patience with those who don't go to meetings.

The books have stories about people who didn't attend meetings, this could only be to reassure those who can't attend. Bill Wilson spoke in 'Language of the Heart,' about a fellow who said his group has three members, “God, the Big Book and me.” And while meetings are traditionally the principle avenue, for practicing that part of step twelve which involves passing the message, more and more I believe forums like these, and the internet in general, are playing a role in this.

I like and enjoy meetings a couple of times a week, but respect your approach and reasons for not doing so, some words in your posts ring truer to me than many I have heard in meetings, and I wish you the best.
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Re: A request for a sponsor

Postby D'oh » Mon Sep 19, 2016 9:16 am

Our main texts speak much less of the importance of meetings, as compared to that of God. Yet when non believers in God join here as they often do, we quite rightly bend over backward in encouraging them. We use quotes about higher powers of their own choosing, and I have seen more than once the entire 12 steps reproduced without the word God, as an incentive to encourage them. We sometimes seem to demonstrate less patience with those who don't go to meetings.


Yep, the book only talks about the importance of opening New Meetings in maybe 4-6 New Cities/Countries. To carry the message to the Ones who still suffer.

It only talks of groups, bringing New Comers back to Akron, so the Newbie can experience the essence of the Fellowship. Maybe 4-5 times.

Not once in the Big Book does it describe Seeking the Fellowship through the Internet. Carrying the message to the Mailman/Milkman and who ever might knock at your door.

I am not saying that it Can't be done without the Fellowship. Just that I have tried, it is a much harder Road to Walk alone.
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Re: A request for a sponsor

Postby jd4570 » Sun Oct 09, 2016 1:57 am

I am requesting a sponsor please and new to this site, but was told it is great. Thank you. My email is
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(Moderator Edit) I removed your email address from public view. E-aa has a Private Message system where emails may be exchanged in private.
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