I'm a sponsor and I relapsed

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?

Re: I'm a sponsor and I relapsed

Postby positrac » Wed May 25, 2016 3:04 am

This is real stuff and it takes guts to admit you failed and slipped up. I would recommend getting back to basics and remember that instant gratification is some made up word and we alcoholics can't get this even when we try.....

Sobriety is a life time deal and it is not a diet so you can fit in your speedo! :lol: We have this habit of kicking ourselves so much we don't feel worthy and that is BS. You are green after getting out of rehab and it was a true safe haven that is not real for us once we get into real events of the world.

Drop the sponsorship now because you aren't ready nor are you in the condition to help another when you are in the hurt locker. Next people, places and things because real friends don't ask for addiction money and you should not enable them either.

I was told when I got sober that I needed to stay away from relationships in my first year and it is because we like to trade up and think it has no bearing on us which is BS! So look the other way because you aren't just using them but yourself and that is not how we are supposed to live if you recall the 4th and 5th steps and making amends.

I am not lecturing to you although I am being firm on my points because this is a life or death deal we have and it takes a lot to herd all of the cats. If you can keep it simple I believe you can recover with success and never forget your last drink as it is a reminder for a reason.

Lessons learned? A lot and so you can have this if you are willing to get a sponsor, use that sponsor and take it one day at a time as this was never made to be easy; if it were everyone would be doing it. We are the few chosen that for today made the cut and haven't needed to use in order to cope. Take a deep breath and step back and ask for peace and the ability to surrender just for today and keep coming back.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
Hopi Proverb
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Re: I'm a sponsor and I relapsed

Postby Brock » Wed May 25, 2016 5:03 am

Of course very sorry to read about this, as positrac said it does take guts to lay it all out as you have, and it serves as a reminder to us all that continued sobriety requires certain actions.

I think the list of things you slipped up on is pretty complete, and are things we all must watch for. The only part of what you seem to do which I believe works for some, but not for all, is the idea of time to pray and meditate and so forth being regimented. When I tried to do that at first it reminded me too much of being young and told say your prayers, or having to go to the dreaded Sunday Mass, things I did not look forward to at all, and it made prayer seem like a chore. Even this meditation if it's forced in my opinion it's useless, the meditation the book speaks of is discussed on sites like 'Silkworth,' and they give examples of what Dr. Bob did since he believed in the pratice. It was nothing more than read a favorite passage from the bible and 'ponder' on it's significance and meaning for 15 – 20 minutes. We have somehow made it more mystical, which is fine if it comes naturally and works, but I am scared of newer people feeling they must “meditate” or else they aren't doing the program right.

For me the important parts lie in suggestions like during the day we pause when agitated, ask for the right thought or action, and also reminding ourselves about who is in charge. Yes I do like to have some time in the morning to sort of get my spiritual head together, but again I do so as the book suggests 'relax and take it easy,' read something and think (ponder) about it's meaning, ask that my day be useful to others. And by the time I hit bed at night there is no need to consider or review the day, because we can make that an easy practice as we go through the day. At any rate I believe the spiritual practice will become natural, and far easier to do, if we don't force it too much. For example I am not far off seven years of what I believe is quality sobriety, and yet can't claim to do any meditation, at least not of the type some speak of, sit in a certain way breath a certain way for X time sort of thing. Sorry I have taken a lot of words in trying to say that prayer and meditation in my opinion, should not be something we force ourselves to do, because when I do that I don't really feel any benefit, keeping in mind throughout the day who is in charge, giving thanks as the day progresses, and pausing for a short while to ask for direction, these are the things I have found most beneficial.

Best of luck to you, I am sure your sponsee won't be adversely affected by this drawback, and congratulations on owning up and getting back on the horse right away.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: I'm a sponsor and I relapsed

Postby PaigeB » Wed May 25, 2016 10:17 am

I'm under medication... I started to diminish that.

Sounds like you need to go to the medical doctor...

Tell them the truth about your symptoms and ask for lesser dosage or have them help get you off entirely. They will be able to talk over details like when & why they were started, if you were drinking or sober, if life changes such as you mentioned may have affected the results (ie regular schedule in treatment to life outside treatment). We are not doctors, but neither are you. See one as a regular part of your recovery.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: I'm a sponsor and I relapsed

Postby Larryp713 » Fri May 27, 2016 6:20 am

Sorry to hear about your slip but glad you are getting back on the horse.

I have a friend going through this now and it is incredibly hard. He actually had to check into a 28 day program to physically separate himself from substances. It is a fear of mine that after I have had a real spiritual awakening, if I allow myself to slip back to such a state that drinking is once again an option, what would it take to humble me to the point to try again? Its scary.

I would recommend start over at step one and rebuild that foundation. Pain medication is often a path to relapse, even when properly used. Be extra vigilant if you need to take pain meds - double your efforts in your recovery program and try to stop taking prescription meds as soon as possible. Best wishes - Larry
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