Feeya wrote:In A.A. we don't work out why we're alcoholics because it's a pointless exercise and may just lead to further confusion and drinking.
We start with the premise that 'We were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable'.
I find it very difficult to look at it that way... because I feel like if I want to change my behaviour (in this case drinking and drugs) I need to get to the roots of that, don't I? I feel like I need to find out everything about WHY I can't stop, in order to be able to stop...
I do understand the concept that we are powerless over alcoholism... It is just that I feel like, once I figure it out I won't be powerless over that anymore and that is when I move on!
Maybe that is why I have such a hard time with the part of 'surrendering', because if you stop fighting, doesn't that mean you lose? I mean, you can only win if you educate yourself and fight this? Or am I completely off here?
I am sorry if this doesn't make any sense or if this offends anyone... I'm just trying to understand
Actually A.A. does show us - and it does via a Step 4 - what the roots of all our troubles stem from, but to be honest, at this point, an intellectual debate over what this is about probably wouldn't be much use.
And if I somehow don't explain it properly; misunderstanding might happen.
But please bear in mind that not all knowledge is intellectual; you'll often hear A.A. members talking about 'light-bulb moments' or 'heart knowledge'; the area of philosophy that covers this kind of knowledge is called epistemology and it's really this kind of knowledge we get through taking the actions in the 12 Step program.
For example I don't drink, I don't want to drink - not even when I'm angry or stressed or happy (I couldn't stand being happy without having to drink too). I can't explain to you how I actually do that (just like I can't explain to you how I can touch my nose), but what we can explain is the actions we took (the Steps) that led us to this point.
As for 'surrendering', you've already had an experience of that prior to going to your first A.A. meeting. You didn't want to go, you said you couldn't, but then you surrendered and went. The word 'surrender' has negative connotations, but - for me - all it means is that I'll try to do something that I don't really want to do, but end up doing it anyway because I know it's the right thing to do, or I'll somehow end up getting some kind of spiritual benefit from it.
I don't surrender easily; it often takes a lot of pain for me to let go of something.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)