My character defects vs my sponsor

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
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Re: My character defects vs my sponsor

Post by Db1105 »

AAWS has a pamphlet on sponsorship. You can read it online here:

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Re: My character defects vs my sponsor

Post by Larryp713 »

Noels wrote:Id really like Larry to ask his sponsor and tell us - for interest and information. Is it to teach the alcoholic discipline or routine or to finish something we started or to keep to commitment /promises made , respect, something else or all of the above
It would be interesting to know.
That is a good suggestion, Noels, except we made an agreement. He would share with me what has worked for him, and tell me what he does (and what I should do) to work this program. He has already given me some vague reasons why "we" do it this way, such as staying plugged in and creating the habit of reaching out. He has said he will not negotiate or debate the hows and whys. He is showing me what works for him, and it is up to me to follow that or not.

I can get another sponsor whenever I want, but it just doesn't feel like the right time. It just drives me a little crazy and exposes some character defects that I need to still work on. Like tyg said, that might be a good thing. Thanks for your thoughts on this. Have a blessed day! Larry
Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny!!!

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Barbara D.
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Re: My character defects vs my sponsor

Post by Barbara D. »

There's so much good feedback here! And, I think, that's the point: this is not a "one size fits all" program. While I believe the bond of alcoholism touches all of us, I also have found that each of us is a little different one way or another. My personality tends to be overly self-sufficient, so I never could have stood a sponsor who had co-dependency tendencies. And I did not keep sponsees who had to have daily, lengthy contact with me. To me, this is not a matter of right or wrong. It is wonderful that we are so diverse that anyone can find a match for themselves by listening in meetings and having 1 on 1 conversations.

My original Home Group was made up of hardcore, religious background, male drunks. I was high-bottom, atheist, and female. Those old men told me to get more than 1 sponsor because 1 might drink again, 1 might be on a business trip, 1 might relate to me in this area, and 1 might relate to me in that area. I have always valued the group feedback more than any 1 sponsor because I think it is unwise to put "all my eggs in one basket." I didn't respond well to being told what to do and tried never to tell sponsees what to do. It was all about experience, strength, and hope and how to utilize the Steps. Did I want to rant and rave at sponsees here and there? Sure, but I tried not to take responsibility for them, just for myself.

I've been sober a long time. Sometimes, I still get caught up in the "I shoulds" and forget that it's okay to be me. I am thankful for the Step framework for living, for becoming aware of an HP, for being okay even when life-on-life's terms does not suit me.

In fellowship, Barbara D.


Re: My character defects vs my sponsor

Post by Noels »

Heya LarryP :D thanks for the reply. As long as you're okay with it. :D Personally I believe that if someone cant explain something to me in a simple understandable manner then they probably don't know or understand it themselves. :lol: Yeah, sorry man but I unfortunately need to understand something to believe in it. Even with my Creator I ask questions and explanations are always given so if a human have to tell me to just " trust " them or " do as I say " i'd have a problem with that - especially if I have to explain it to someone else who depends on me in the future.
I can understand old timers saying right in the beginning " i'll do the thinking for a while because youre unable to think at the moment " but once they see you are working the program and staying clean your " right to think " should be given back to you gradually :lol:
Anycase, enjoy and keep doing what you're doing cause whatever you're doing is working. (and here I put a " thumbs up " icon)
Have an awesome weekend and chat again soon.
Mwah xxx

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